A Day in the Life
by Lydiacatfish
Summary: Take a glimpse at the lives of Arthur and Alfred, and what do you see? A collection of USUK oneshots. 34: It's never too late to tell the person you love that you're sorry.
1. Costermonger

**AN: Wow. So I haven't updated in like…well, a really long time. Maybe you noticed already, but all of my other stories are on hiatus. Eh heh heh…maybe I'll update them, maybe I won't. I know at least one is on permanent hiatus, the others on almost permanent hiatus. So.**

**(Also, if you took the poll on my profile, this is NOT the Hetalia story I was talking about. That's a different one, so everyone please vote!)**

**This'll just be a collection of USUK oneshots. I might even let people request once I run out. **

**Here goes.**

**Title: **Costermonger

**Pairing: **USUK, of course

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Romance

**Dedications: **None as of yet. But if you review, you'll get put here next time~

**Inspiration: **Chris from World Civ, who gave me the prompt in the first place. And TWWTW, of course. Even if it is something I hate above all else…

**Warnings: **AU, as well as the bit about a unicorn being sent somewhere something as pure as a unicorn should never be sent…

**Summary: **All Arthur's trying to do is complete his shopping, and he stumbles upon a little stand that helps him find what he needs, and perhaps a little more.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own APH. If I did…well, I don't. Let's just leave it at that.

"Get yer apples here! Crunchy, juicy apples!"

"How about some tomatoes? Round, unblemished, perfect for salads or just eating alone!"

"Corn, just picked yesterday! Who wants some corn?"

A short man with shaggy blonde hair, bright green eyes, and eyebrows that took up approximately a sixth of his face frowned deeply. All of these vendors were so loud. Didn't then know he had to buy only very specific ingredients for his magic circle?

The man's name was Arthur Kirkland, and no, he wasn't not insane, no matter how much he seemed that way from his continuous chatter with a fairy, a unicorn, and a little green rabbit with wings he liked to call "Flying Mint Bunny", FMB for short.

For his magic circle, which he had created thousands of times with absolutely _no _ill effects (well, unless you counted that time when he turned into a sapling for several days…or when he suddenly gained ram horns…or when he accidentally sent his unicorn to Hell in exchange for a demon…or when—well, you get the point), he needed some broccoli that greatly resembled a four-leaf clover, a withered cucumber exactly 27.62 centimeters long, an acorn squash, and seven potatoes, all of them having to feature a different emotion on the face of Winston Churchill. So, he'd set out to find these items at the farmer's market that was set up by his house every Saturday.

So far, he had not procured any of his ingredients, but he was confident that he would before teatime. If he didn't, well, that would be very unfortunate indeed.

Suddenly, he spotted a cart tucked away in the shadow of an old building, squeezed between two large stands, both of them proudly displaying large fish. Arthur said to the FMB, "Well, it couldn't hurt, could it?" When she shook her head, he nodded to himself. "That settles it. Brace yourselves, those fish are bound to be rather…pungent." He wrinkled his nose up and went in.

The cart itself delighted Arthur. It had an old-fashioned feel to it, the various vegetables sitting not only in it, but also on the top and hanging off it in random places. It had a sort of rustic charm to it.

However, its attendant did _not._

A tall young man, perhaps 20, was leaned back in a chair behind the cart. He had hair the color of wheat with a strange cowlick perched just above his forehead. A content smile was on his tanned face, and glasses sat on his nose, though his eyes were currently closed. He was either muscular or chubby, Arthur couldn't tell, but he had the overall look of someone who spent a lot of time outside without a care in the world. Foolish boy.

He saw a pile of brown baskets sitting next to the cart, and picked one up. It rustled the pile, and the boy's eyes snapped open. He jumped up, knocking over his chair. "Hey!" he shouted, pointing at Arthur, "are you stealing my baskets?"

Arthur raised one large eyebrow. "No," he replied coolly, "I am taking it so I can fill it with the ingredients I need. Is that problem?"

"Oh!" The boy smiled. "Here, gimme the basket, I'll do it for you." Then, with no warning whatsoever, he grabbed the basket and pulled it out of Arthur's hand. The fairy giggled, and Arthur shot her a glare. "So, what do you need?" asked the boy.

Arthur cleared his throat. "I require an acorn squash-"

"Got it!" The boy picked out the most acorn-looking of all the acorn squashes. "My name's Alfred, by the way. Alfred F. Jones. But I won't tell you what the F stands for, it's a secret." Alfred winked.

"That's…great," muttered Arthur. "My name is Arthur, Arthur Kirkland…" He scanned the broccoli for any shaped like a four-leafed-clover. He pointed at one that looked promising. "Could you put that head of broccoli in the basket?"

Alfred smiled, eager to help. "Sure!" He deftly picked out the broccoli Arthur was referring to, and in the light, the Brit could see it was just perfect. "Do you need anything else?" he asked, flashing perfectly white teeth at Arthur.

"Ah…er, not to be insulting, but, do you have nay cucumbers that are on the...withered side?" he asked. The boy's smile faltered. Arthur quickly added, "N-Not that it looks like you would have one, this seems like a fine establishment, it's just that the cucumber _has _to be withered for what I'm making, so I was just wondering if you had any…"

FMB giggled. "Arthur, you're so cute! You're blushing, did you know that?" The fairy nodded and laughed with FMB.

"Shut up!" snapped Arthur. "I am _not!_ Y-You don't know what you're talking about!"

"You're not what?" asked Alfred hesitantly. It was then that Arthur remembered normal people couldn't see his special friends. The blood rushed to his face.

"S-Sorry. Never mind," he muttered, shooting a glare to the fairy and FMB. The unicorn rubbed his side with her nose encouragingly, making sure not to stab him.

"Uh…" Alfred didn't look convinced, but he decided it was a discussion for another day. "Well, all of our vegetables are of high quality…but on the way here this morning—you're not gonna believe this, you'll be like, 'Whoa! I'm so lucky! This is so exciting and amazing, Alfred! You're so cool, you've gotta be like, psychic or something! Wow, charming, handsome, _and _psychic! You're the perfect'—" At the look on Arthur's face, Alfred stopped. "Uh, so a bad cucumber got into the cucumber bin this morning, and it was all withered and stuff and we were going to throw it away, but you can have it if you want." He pulled the withered cucumber out of the bin.

"Could I see it, please?" asked Arthur. "It looks just right, but I need to check the length…"

Alfred laughed. "Sure!" He tossed it to Arthur, who fumbled with it for a bit and then pulled out the string to measure it. "This actually isn't my veggie stand, it's my brother's, but I always come along. He left awhile ago to buy some lemonade, though…wonder if he's okay…" Worry flitted across Alfred's face.

"I'm sure he's fine," said Arthur bluntly. "Ah, just right. Could you add it to the basket?" He handed it back to Alfred.

"Sure. That it?" he asked, smiling brightly again.

"W-Well…do you have any potatoes?" he asked hopefully. To his slight dismay, Alfred shook his head.

"Sorry. Ma doesn't like 'em, so we don't grow 'em. So, besides the potatoes, is that all you needed?" He pulled out a calculator from inside the cart and started to total up Arthur's vegetables.

"Er, yes, I suppose so. How much do I need to pay?" asked Arthur, pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

"Well, it's five pounds…but you know what, for you, it's free," said Alfred, winking again. FMB and the fairy burst into another fit of giggles at Alfred's wink and Arthur's fiery face.

"W-What?"

"Just meet me here again next week, okay? I can see Mattie coming now, but remember, come this time next week!"

Arthur was about to reply, but the unicorn pushed him out to the street again. Alfred had handed him his basket just as she did so, and once he was in the street, he was caught up in traffic and swept away.

Well. Although he hadn't found _all _of what he needed, he'd certainly found something interesting to make up for it.

**AN: So, there you go. How'd you like it? You can tell me in a review, if you want. (Also, please take the poll on my page! It mentions a Hetalia story, BUT IT'S NOT THIS. It's something else entirely. Message me if you want more information before voting.) Thank you! I'll post the next one sometime in the next few days! **


	2. Postprandial

**OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD I love you people so much. I got favorites and reviews and alerts and I'm still on a happy high! This happy high will carry me into gym class tomorrow, until I have to actually start doing stuff, because physical activity that doesn't involve a pen or a keyboard is my enemy. But anyway. Thank you all again!**

**Title: **Postprandial

**Pairing: **USUK. No really. I'm serious.

**Rating: **T, for safety

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor, a slight bit of Angst at the beginning

**Dedications: **AlchemicKeyblader and Lovely Hikari, who gave me awesome reviews that made me giggle with happiness. And of course, everyone else who favorited and alerted.

**Inspiration: **The word 'postprandial', which means 'after dinner'. Just hearing it made me think of some very special postprandial activities, and it evolved into this.

**Warnings: **Arthur's cooking, Tony's mouth, and the disgusting inhalation of cakes.

**Summary: **They haven't been eating dinner together very often lately, and they're both getting lonely. So Alfred goes to Arthur's to surprise him, and the result is much more than just a friendly dinner.

They didn't eat dinner together very often lately. Alfred refused to let Arthur cook in his kitchen, fearing toxic fumes, and Arthur hated McDonald's with a burning passion, and, as it was all Alfred would eat nowadays, that was certainly a problem.

However, seeing each other at meetings only was proving to be a bad idea. Even when they were apart, Arthur found himself going out of his way to do things for Alfred, only to realize he wasn't there, as a force of habit from when they were closer. And without his very best friend, Alfred found himself feeling lonely, so lonely that not even the combined efforts of Tony and Kiku could cheer him up.

But, being the hero he was, Alfred knew he had to accept the loneliness. What if Arthur got hurt if he was with him? Tony and Kiku didn't understand that, though, and the alien was constantly shouting at him to take some Mickey D's to the over to the fucking limey's house and eat dinner with him. He even invaded Alfred's _dreams, _and by that point was just _annoying. _So, he picked up several Big Macs for himself and headed to the Brit's house in London.

Arthur was surprised, to say the least, and, being the tsundere he was, blushed furiously and yelled at Alfred for coming over uninvited, now he'd have to make extra dinner and set another place! Alfred paled considerably and made it quite clear that Arthur would _not _have to cook anything for him, it was quite alright, please please _please _you _don't _have to go to all that trouble, it's fine!

Finally, after some very thorough convincing, Alfred awkwardly took his seat at one end of the table, directly across from Arthur. The American wrinkled his nose. That table was way too long for _anything, _he decided, especially a dinner between two best friends. He huffed and moved his chair as close to Arthur as he could, at the other end of the table, a corner in his way of the Brit. Happy with this new arrangement, he started to shove Big Macs into his Big Mac hole.

After that, dinner was unusually silent. Alfred was usually the one to chatter incessantly about everything and absolutely nothing at all, but it seemed he was too focused on his food for that. Arthur had never been great at making conversation—it was never a skill he'd really needed. After all, his only friends were Alfred, Francis, and Kiku. The first two always started the talking, and Kiku preferred silence to mindless talking, which had always suited Arthur just fine. But now, the silence was suffocating.

The American was too lost in thought to speak with the Englishman. He tended to stay away from thinking most of the time, as it unnecessarily dangerous business, but this matter was urgent, and safety was _not _his priority.

What was he thinking? you may inquire. Why are you guessing what we're inquiring? you may ask. Well, as you may have guessed, it was the Englishman he was sitting just a foot or so away from. When did his eyes start to gleam like old bottles of Coke? Did his cheeks _always _tint that (attractive) pink shade when he was spoken to? Did his fingers used to tremble like that when he did normal things like bring his fork to his mouth?

In a rare burst of intelligence, Alfred realized that maybe asking Arthur these things wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. So, to make sure he didn't accidentally blurt them out, he didn't speak at all.

It wasn't like Arthur didn't appreciate the American's silence, but it was a little unsettling, at least for Alfred. He himself didn't say anything until the end of the meal, when he rose from his chair. "I've got some cakes, would you like some?" he asked politely.

"N-No, that's fine, I mean, I'm sure they're delicious, but the cakes you like to bake often give me gas and severe digestive problems and—"

"Oh, sod off, I bought them earlier today. Didn't have time to make my own…" he muttered sadly. Alfred perked up.

"Oh, well, in that case, I'd love some!" he replied cheerfully. Arthur rolled his eyes, then disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he emerged with two small plates and forks in one hand and a white paper box in the other. He gave Alfred his plate and fork, then set his own down, and started passing out cakes. Alfred took a bite and grinned.

"This is really good, Iggy!" he said with difficulty in mid-swallow. "Who knew someone English could cook so good?" He started shoving more into his mouth.

"Chew your food, git!" shouted Arthur. Alfred just closed his eyes in content and kept eating. "Bloody fool…" He reached for one of his own cakes, only to discover Alfred had already worked through those as well. "Ah—"

"Oh, sorry, Ig! They were just so good! I couldn't resist." Alfred smirked devilishly, and Arthur blushed.

"W-Well you still had no right to take them, stupid wanker!" retorted Arthur. Alfred just laughed. "I didn't even get to _taste_ them…" he mumbled sadly. Alfred's smile did a total 180. Suddenly, a thought struck him, and it flipped back up again.

"Still want to?" he asked softly, slowly inching towards Arthur, who was slowly inching away.

"W-What? What do you mean?"

Alfred, not being the sharpest crayon in the 64-pack (even if it _did _have a sharpener, which it did), couldn't come up with a response sexier than a wet, sloppy kiss on the mouth. And as the hero always does the sexiest thing (in)humanly possible…

Well, that opened up some very exciting postprandial activities.

**AN: So this one wasn't as good as the other one. I'm sorry…*hangs head in shame* But it was either this or something super angsty. So, you take your pick. Of course, the chances of the next one being super angsty are about 147%, so brace yourselves. The only way it **_**won't **_**be is if I manage to write one that isn't angsty in the space of now to tomorrow when I'm typing it up. So. **

**Thanks again for all of the reviews! I like getting those, if you hadn't noticed. And please vote on my poll! Like I said last chapter, it doesn't refer to **_**this, **_**it's referring to something much more confusing and sad…but don't let that get you down. If you want more information, just message me!**

**Thanks again! **


	3. Unicorny Memories

**Whooooa! I got so many reviews, I'm so happy. **** Thank you all so much, even if all you did was read it. It really makes me happy. And I'm going to start taking requests now, so if you've got 'em, I'll write 'em.**

**And you remember what I said about this one being angsty? …I lied. It's actually going to be super-fluffy and adorable, hopefully, with a touch of angst at the beginning. **

**Here goes!**

**Title: **Unicorny Memories

**Pairing: **Well it's DEFINITELY not USUK…justkiddingitis.

**Rating: **K+, for safety. I really should change the story rating, shouldn't I?

**Genre(s): **Is FLUFF a genre? Ah, Friendship, with a touch of Angst

**Dedications: **MataHari-Chan, the requestor, as well as Lovely Hikari, JewishLolita, and MirrorTearz16, plus everyone who alerted and fav'd. You guys are the best.

**Inspiration: **The prompting, 'Alfred gets Arthur a unicorn plushie'.

**Warnings: **Two little boys get abandoned at a fair. D: And teh angst.

**Summary: **Life's unfair. His parents are moving him to the _US,_ of all places. Well, at least he finds a good memory hidden in one of the boxes accidentally put in his new room…

**Disclaimer: **My birthday is in about a month and a half, and if you want to get me the rights to Hetalia, I would love you forever. That means I don't have them.

Arthur Kirkland, 17 years old, did not understand why his parents suddenly decided to move them back from their lovely home in London to some town in _America,_ of all places. The town was in Virginia, his parents had told him, and it was a suburb of the capitol, Richmond. Arthur didn't care to learn anymore after that and tuned them out. (His little brother, however, loved learning all about the new country, especially after his mother hinted he'd be quite popular with his accent.)

He'd locked himself in his room, his only company his pet rabbit, Minty, and the fairies that had followed him around since he was about fie years of age, about the time when he'd moved back to England after a year living in Buffalo, New York. Yes, that was exactly the time. Hmm…

He looked over to one of the many boxes in his new bedroom and sighed. Might as well unpack…

After half an hour, he'd made it through three boxes. The fourth was labeled 'Arthur's Toys', and he frowned. He didn't remember asking for this to be taken to his room…must have been his mother's doing. He decided to go through it anyway, to see if there was anything worth keeping.

Mostly it was just crap…and then his hand brushed something soft.

He pulled a large purple unicorn out of the box. It had a yellow tail and matching ribbon around its neck. The sight of it made him smile softly as he recalled how he'd gotten it…

He was five years old, and his little brother was just a baby .His parents had taken him to the fair with his friend Alfred and Alfred's twin, Matthew. His mother, Alice, had told his eldest brother Scott to keep an eye on him since he was already thirteen, but as soon as he could he ditched Arthur and Alfred. Arthur, of course, had been bothered by it—what would they do if they wanted food or something?—but Alfred was fine with it. His mom had given him some money before they left, and some to Matthew, and Matthew gave Alfred his because he'd be staying with baby Peter and Alice and Roger. This calmed Arthur enough, and the two set off to play some games.

For a half hour or so Arthur followed Alfred around as he tried his hand at all sorts of different games. He yawned and scanned the seemingly endless row of stands for something when he saw it...the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid his eyes on.

That unicorn.

He stared at it, mouth open, large eyebrows raised up high, until Alfred snapped him out of it. When he saw what Arthur had been looking at, he grinned at his English friend. "You want me to win that unicorn for you?" he asked. Arthur could only nod happily, still too mesmerized by the astonishing beauty of the unicorn to speak. "Okay! I'll rescue that unicorn from the troll who runs the stand, but you have to promise to take care of it! That's what superheroes do, rescue animals and stuff…" Arthur dragged him off to the game as he continued to ramble.

It was one of those water-shooting games, where you have to make your horse get to the finish line first by constantly hitting the bullseye with the water. The prize was, of course, the unicorn. Alfred took his seat and paid his two dollars, and soon the game started.

Miraculously, Alfred won on his very first try. The man, whose nametag said 'ROMA' on it in big letters, handed Alfred the purple unicorn, and Alfred gave it to Arthur, who squeezed it tightly, and then hugged Alfred, the plushie squished between them.

That had been a good day…a good day before a sad one. The next was, after all, the Kirkland's moving day.

Arthur didn't have a chance to say goodbye to his best friend.

The 17-year-old was broken out of his thoughts by the feeling lf something wet on his face. Was he…crying?

Impossible.

He was about to place the unicorn on his bed after wiping his tears on his arm when he heard his mother calling for him to come downstairs or he would not get any dinner. He sighed irritably and stuffed the plushie under his arm. He unlocked the door to his room and trotted down the stairs.

"What is it" he asked, poking his head into the living room. His parents were sitting on boxes, and his little brother was in the middle of the room, wrestling with someone. There was a pair of glasses sitting on a box next to a stranger, one who looked strangely familiar.

At the sound of his grumpy, English-accented voice, the wrestlers stopped. His brother crawled out from underneath his much larger opponent, who hopped up and ran over to Arthur, hand outstretched. He had hair the color of wheat and eyes as blue as the sky.

"Hi! I'm Alfred!"

Arthur dropped his unicorn.

**AN: So, how was that? Yeah….I couldn't think of a decent title for it. MataHari-Chan, if you didn't like it, I hope you'll like the other one…'course, I don't know when that'll be coming out, like I said…**

**Thanks for reading, and if you have a request (like a prompt for me to write on) please send them to me in a review! I promise I'll write them down and won't forget them.**

**Thanks again, and have a good week!**


	4. Cops n' Vandals

**I love you all much. I really do. I got, like, eight reviews since the last posting. That's almost more than my total reviews on my top stories (11 and 12 or something like that). So thank you all sososososososo muuuuuch! *hugs***

**Oh, and thanks to TheNinjaWangsta for requesting this! It was actually pretty fun to write, even if it isn't really like the others. I may have found another new kink thanks to you…**

**Here we are!**

**Title: **Cops n' Vandals

**Pairing: **USUK. Oh, and a bit of HungaryxYaoi is implied. XD

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Angst, and lots of it, along with Hurt/Comfort, and Romance too!

**Dedications: **MataHari-Chan, TheNinjaWangsta (who requested this one), NewMoonBloodTears, Alphine, StardustRudie, Lovely Hikari, MirrorTearz16, and tintenstern! Let's give 'em a big hand, shall we? And of course, everyone who fav'd and alerted!

**Inspiration: **The request, of course, and some of it also came from Part Right, Half Wrong, a Third Crazy by Save the Rave. It's amazing, but it's also AmeriCan, so if you don't like that pairing, you might not want to read it.

**Warnings: **The rating is, of course, T. I've gotten lots of reviews saying my stuff is cute and adorable and sweet, and this…isn't. It's really not. Contains smoking (WHICH IS BAD) and graffiti (WHICH UNLESS SOMEONE'S HIRED YOU TO DO IT OR IT'S YOUR OWN PROPERTY IS BAD) and people getting arrested and divorce. Sadness abounds, I suppose. Oh, and the mouth of a cussy teenager. This is Punk!Arthur and Cop!Alfred, after all.

**Summary: **Arthur doesn't really care anymore, not since his dad made him leave his mother and move to Wichita. He does graffiti to try to express his inner angst, but is soon caught by a policeman who doesn't know how to keep his bloody nose out of other people's business!

**Disclaimer: **Wow! Today I learned I actually DO own Hetalia! Oh, wait, no, I don't. Damn…

**BEGIN!**

Scowling, 17-year-old Arthur Kirkland took a final drag on his cigarette, then threw it to the ground and crushed it under his heel.

Time to get to work.

He shook his can of green spray paint and then uncapped it and started to paint a giant "A" for "ANARCHY". Arthur was rather fond of the Sex Pistols (but if you said it like that to his face he'd punch you in yours), his favorite song being Anarchy in the UK, of course. However, he didn't _live_ in the UK anymore, thanks to his parents getting a divorce and his father moving him to Wichita. Stupid bloody parents…

Suddenly, he saw the faint lights of a car in the distance. Bloody hell…this bridge was usually deserted! Well, hopefully they wouldn't notice him…

Obviously, that wasn't going to happen, as the car slowed to a stop right next to him. The driver rolled down his window. "You need a lift?" he asked Arthur.

Arthur just scoffed. Who the hell did this wanker think he was?" Probably some kind of child molester. Seriously, who drives around at night and stops for a 17-year-old under a bridge? Only a child molester.

…_Or a cop, _something in his mind said.

Hm. If it _was _a cop…well, Arthur knew his father would be getting a phone call he wouldn't like. But he deserved it.

The man in the car, receiving only Arthur's little scoff as an answer, gave a soft sigh with a sad smile. "I see. Well, I hope I don't see you here again." He rolled his window back up and drove off.

"That was bloody _weird,_" muttered Arthur, and he went back to his graffiti.

The next night, Arthur was back at the bridge again. He'd written all of "ANARCHY" the previous night, but now he was going to add stuff to it. A missile here, a botched up Constitution there.

Arthur didn't think of himself as a vandal…no, to Arthur, he was an _artist._

The car showed up again. It was earlier than the previous night, so Arthur could see better.

The car was a police cruiser, of course, manned by a man with wheat-colored hair and baby blue eyes. He looked genuinely disappointed to see Arthur again, and something about it made Arthur's chest ache. Just for a second, though. Why the hell should he care what some bleeding policeman thought of him?

"…You going to arrest me?" asked Arthur roughly, glaring at the policeman.

He shrugged. "I already gave you a warning, kid. It's time for you to take the ride of shame." He got out of his car and cuffed Arthur, rattling of the boy's rights. Arthur didn't know if his being in the States on a green card changed anything, but he didn't care and let himself get pushed into the cruiser.

"So…" said the policeman awkwardly on the way to the station, "your stuff...it was actually pretty awesome. You could get people to pay you to do that kind of stuff, you know."

Arthur snorted. "Whatever."

Several minutes passed, filled only with silence. "You…like the Sex Pistols? Your shirt…" An, so he was wearing _that _T-shirt. His mother had given it to him as some sort amends for sending him with his father to the middle of the States.

"What about them?" snapped Arthur. The policeman chuckled.

"Nothing. I actually don't really know them, except Anarchy in the UK is on Guitar Hero. I totally beast at that song…"

"Why the hell should I bloody care?" yelled Arthur. "Why does it matter if I like them? Huh?"

"You've got a British accent," said the cop cheerfully. "That's cool."

"Of course I have a bloody British accent, wanker," hissed Arthur, "I just moved here from London six months ago."

"Hm." The policeman thought to himself for a bit, then finally asked, "Why did you move, exactly?"

Why the hell was he asking? "Divorce," he replied shortly. "Mum's in London."

"Oh. My parents got a divorce when I was six. My mom took my brother to live with her in Canada. I stayed in D.C. with my dad. 'Course, I didn't spray paint bridges or anything like that…" he added, with an underlying sly tone.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, you git? You want to say that to my face?" shouted Arthur.

The policeman pulled the car over abruptly and turned around, looking Arthur straight in the eye. "It's supposed to mean you need to find a healthier way of expressing this. You're obviously troubled, but vandalism isn't going to solve your problems."

Arthur finally decided to keep his mouth shut and just glare at the policeman with all of his might.

The officer sighed again and ran his hand through his hair. "…Sorry. Look, whatever. I'll just take you down to get processed, and then I'll hopefully never see you again."

Hopefully? What the hell was _that _supposed to mean?

The officer gave him a lopsided smile, and Arthur realized he'd voiced those thoughts. Dammit. "Oh, it means I don't want to see you get arrested ever again. I mean, if I saw you rescue a kitten from a burning building or something—" Arthur almost burst into loud laughter, "—then I would be damn glad to see you."

"Stupid policeman…"

"Oh, and call me Alfred. Please. I insist." He winked at Arthur, who felt his face heating up.

"W-Wanker! I'll call you whatever I like!" retorted Arthur. "Got it?"

"Okay." Alfred turned back around and pulled back onto the road.

"…And…my name is Arthur," muttered the British teenager.

"Hm~ I see."

Neither spoke another word for the rest of the ride, and after processing Arthur and making sure the one he called was his father, Alfred disappeared.

About half an hour later, Arthur's father, Roger, came to pick up his delinquent, looking very worried. Of course, Arthur wasn't bothered by it. Why would he be?

On the way out, Arthur spotted Alfred chatting with some (very pretty) female officer with long brown hair that was decorated with some orange blossoms. He narrowed his eyes and marched over to the pair.

"Oh, Ar—" The teenager cut him off by pulling the American forward by his collar and roughly smashing their lips together. An excited squeal escaped the female officer, and he smirked. After about ten seconds, he let go of Alfred and pulled back, wiping his lips. "Wanker," he muttered in a way that made it sound like the whole thing was Alfred's doing. Then, he turned around and left the station with his father, who could not stop gaping like a fish.

He could feel Alfred's eyes on him the whole time.

**PLEASEDON'TKILLMEITWASAREQUEST. I-If you wanna kill someone…kill TheNinjaWangsta. NODON'TDOTHATEITHER. That wouldn't be very nice. It was a request, after all, and it's my job to cater to your every whim, readers…**

**Speaking of requests, I WANT MOAR. Most people ask for reviews (reviews are earned by your amount of talent and luck in getting good readers, you shouldn't have to ask for them, in my opinion), and I ask for requests. Soon I'll run out of pre-writtens, and I don't want that to happen…I mean, I've been working on one (don't worry, the beginning will be fluffy, for all of you out there who love my fluff) but soon it will be done, and I really do want some requests.**

**Also, please vote on my poll!**

**And, a final note…if one has been taking violin for six years and is now nine, what good solos would they have? I need a happy one, and a sad one if you can think of one. Otherwise I'll use my oboe solo from last year, but…yeah, that's for oboe.**

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, even if it isn't quite like the others. **


	5. Playground Blues

**WHOOOOOOA. I have over 20 reviews now! *dances around happily* Who's got the wine? Anyone? *Francis pops up with some lovely red wine* Excellent!**

**But seriously, you guys are awesome. I'm so glad I got so many reviews~ maybe if I hit fifty I'll post two in a day or something…but that probably won't happen for a looooong time. Heh heh heh…I don't even know if I can write that fast. But if you beg…I suppose I'll have to do it…**

**Title: **Playground Blues

**Pairing: **USUK, but they're chibis again~

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Friendship, and a teensy bit of Angst and Hurt/Comfort, and sweet lil' chibi Romance too, of course~

**Dedication: ***sucks in deep breath* Here goes. ChickenHax, MataHari-Chan, SnowGirl999, StardustRudie, Little Patch of Heaven, TheNinjaWangsta, Lovely Hikari, Miyako Suou, tintenstern, and MirrorTearz16! THERE WERE TEN OF YOU AND I WAS SO EXCITED. 'Cause ten is…ten is ridiculously amazing, guys. I love you all so much. And also, thanks to everyone who fav'd and alerted, of course!

**Inspiration: **The request from ChickenHax, asking for some chibis and Alfred giving Artie a little chu~ here it is, ChickenHax!

**Warnings: **Little boys falling off of playground equipment. DDDDDDD: And hatred, as well as mutilated drawings of a certain green bunny….

**Summary: **Alice Kirkland has decided to meet up with her old college friend, Amelia Jones. Will friendship blossom between their sons Arthur and Alfred?

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Hetalia, don't you think I'd be forcing Himaruya-sensei to _draw _this stuff instead of write it myself? Well, not _force…_more like give very subtle suggestions in forms that may or may not be illegal in any country…

BEGIN!

"Now, Arthur, you're going to behave while we're at the park, right?" asked Alice as she fastened her five-year-old's coat tightly to make sure he would stay warm.

Arthur nodded fiercely. Of course he'd be good! If he did, he'd get ice cream.

His mommy told him they were going to the park so she could meet up with an old friend of hers named Amelia, who she had known since college. They were going to catch up, and Amelia was going to tell her all about how she had met a nice Canadian man named Zackary. Unfortunately, they had recently divorced, and he had taken custody of Amelia's younger son, Matthew, while Amelia kept the elder, Alfred.

Arthur was going to be playing with Alfred, and Alice just hoped they'd get along…

After wrapping up the baby, Peter, Alice took the two boys to the car. It was early spring, so her husband and elder sons were out camping, but it was still cold out and Alice wanted to make sure her babies were warm.

Arthur glared down at the bright yellow mittens she'd made him wear. He would have preferred green…

When the trio arrived at the park, they were immediately greeted by a cheerful woman with a short brown bob and clear eyes like a mountain lake. There was also a little boy with her who was Arthur's age, and he looked exactly like the woman, except he had a weird little cowlick just above his forehead.

"I'm Alfred!" he exclaimed, sticking out a chubby little hand for Arthur to shake, which he did, winding slightly at its stickiness.

"…I'm Arthur."

"Cool! I'll call you Artie! Let's go play on the swings!" He grabbed Arthur's wrist and tugged him over to the swing sets, ignoring the other boy's protests. He hopped up on the highest swing and started to pump his legs. When he saw his new friend still standing awkwardly on the ground, he shouted, "Get on a swing! You can fly just lick a superhero!" He pumped his legs harder and slowly rose higher.

Arthur didn't want to fly like a superhero. Why would he when he was perfectly safe on the ground? He ignored Alfred's cries about flying and when he sat down on a swing, he stayed still, frowning. He didn't dare to up high in the air. What if he fell?

"Come on, Arthur, it's fun!" said the little green bunny that sometimes appeared as it whizzed around his head. Various other creatures appeared, including a unicorn, who poked him in the back with her horn.

"Ow!" he exclaimed. "That hurt!" He shot a teary glare at the unicorn, who smiled sheepishly as she backed away with a quiet apology.

"!"

Arthur glanced up and saw Alfred flying through the air. The little bunny grinned and flew after him, using some magic to ensure he landed safely on his feet. They ran off to some climbing bars.

"D-Don't leave me!" Arthur hopped off of his swing and chased after them, tripping several times. When he caught up, Alfred was already at the top.

"Artie! Come up! I can see my house from here!" He pointed off in a random direction and laughed. The bunny laughed with him, but Arthur shook his head.

"I'm not coming up. It's too high. I don't want to fall."

"I won't let you fall!" chirped Alfred and the bunny together. The bunny giggled.

"No!"

"Yes!" Alfred scrambled down and started to pull Arthur up. "Come on, it's fun!"

"Let me go!" He pulled himself out of the other's grasp, but unfortunately fell several feet in the process.

Tears sprung up in his eyes. "I-I…I hate you!" he shouted, and ran off to some remote corner of the park.

"H-Hate…?" repeated Alfred sadly. But he was only trying to help Artie have some fun! How could he say he hated him so easily?

"He doesn't hate you, Alfred! You just scared hi ma bit is all!" said the bunny encouragingly. Of course, Alfred didn't hear her. He chased after Arthur.

He found him in a sandbox, angrily tracing a little bunny with wings and then crowing it out brutally. The real bunny winced. That was a little scary…

"Hey, Artie!" Alfred plopped down across from the other boy and smiled cheerfully.

"What do _you_ want?" asked Arthur sulkily, drawing Alfred's face and then swiping it away angrily.

"U-Um…you're a good drawer…can you draw a plane?" asked Alfred. "One that looks like a shark?"

"I bet I could." he started to trace a plane, and then added little glaring eyes and sharp teeth. Alfred grinned.

"That's so cool!" he yelled. "I wish I could draw cool stuff like that…"

"I-It's not that hard…?" muttered Arthur shyly, his cheeks darkening.

"Yeah it is!"

"W-Well, maybe a little…b-but, i-if you p-practice…"

"I know! You should teach me to draw really good like that!" exclaimed Alfred.

"W-Why would I do that?" asked Arthur, his entire face going red by now.

"'Cause we're friends, and that's what friends do! Duh."

"F-…Friends…?" asked Arthur. He was never good at making friends. What was that nice feeling in his chest…? Was that what having a friend felt like?

That was a nice feeling.

"Yeah! We're friends!" agreed Alfred. "Let's swear to be friends forever, 'kay Arthur?" He held out his pinky, and Arthur linked his with it.

"Friends forever."

Alfred smiled, and suddenly, his face lit up. He leaned it in close to Arthur's. "Chu~"

"W-What was that for?" yelled Arthur, blushing furiously, crawling back away from Alfred, who just laughed happily.

"My mommy said that's something you do with someone you really like. And I really _really _like you! You're my best friend, after all!"

"O-Oh…w-well, tell me next time, okay/!"

"Okay~!" He grinned brightly. "Hey, can you draw a superhero?"

Arthur nodded and went to work.

About an hour later, Alice and Amelia came to pick up their songs. "This was fun, we should meet up like this again sometime."

"Yeah!" agreed Amelia. Then, she asked her son, "Did you and Arthur have fun?

Alfred nodded as his mother carried him away to her car. "Artie's my best friend!"

Amelia laughed ."Is he, now? I suppose we'll have to go see him again sometime!"

"Yeah!"

**AN: So, there's number five. I hope you enjoyed it, ChickenHax!**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing the last four chapters, as well as voting on my poll and favoriting and alerting and everything it is you people do! It warms my heart, because you're all so nice with your reviews. Thank you all once again. **** And a special thanks to Lovely Hikari, who gave me a suggestion for one of the violin solos. But I am still taking them, so, anyone who knows a happy/sad violin solo for someone who's been taking it for six years…**

**Thank you once again for reading! **


	6. REJECTED

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for reading. I got lots of reviews last chapter again, so I'm glad…thank you all for that. **

**Here we go~**

**Title: **REJECTED.

**Pairing: **USUK, (fake) one-sided KimchiBurger, one-sided TaiwanJapan, implied PruCan, and of course, ElisabetaxYaoi

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor

**Dedications: **ChickenHax, Little Patch of Heaven, TheNinjaWangsta, ShowGirl999, tintenstern, Player3, Lovely Hikari, MirrorTearz16, MataHari-Chan. And everyone who fav'd and alerted too~

**Inspiration: **SnowGirl999's (rather lengthy) request. I fit a lot of it in! Even the schoolgirl uniform!

**Warnings: **Language when talking about Francis, implied stalking, The Yaoi Club, a certain Asian in a schoolgirl uniform, contracts no one can read but Elisabeta, and a strange combination of Monaco and myself~

**Summary: **Alfred's sick of getting rejected by Arthur, the one he _knows _is the love of his freakin' life! So he asks the Yaoi Club for help, and they definitely provide…

**Disclaimer: **Don't own. I just own Nicole, and I only sort of own her since she's like, half me and half Monaco. D:

Begin~

"For the last time, _no!_ Shove off, wanker!" shouted Arthur Kirkland, 17, as he ran out to his car. He was running from a certain sophomore who obviously didn't get the hint that, no, _he did not want to go out with him. _He felt like a girl saying it, but he couldn't think of any other way that the moron would understand.

This certain sophomore's name was Alfred F. Jones. As soon as he had laid eyes on the senior on the first day of freshman year, he had been smitten with the British boy. The thing was, though, he _did _get it that Arthur didn't want to go out with him, but there was no way he'd stop trying. He would have, long, _long _ago, if not for something he'd accidentally heard on the way to his locker one day…something that _happened _to involve Arthur _liking him back._

So. He was at a stalemate.

Seriously. If Arthur really _did_ like him back, why wouldn't he just go on one tiny date with him? Was that too much to ask?

Apparently.

Arthur really _did _like Alfred, but…well, it was the boy's cousin, Francis Bonnefoy. That bloody Frenchman was, to put it nicely, a manwhore, and Arthur was afraid Alfred might have picked something up in his early childhood.

The constant stalking didn't help Alfred's chances, either.

Luckily, Arthur made it to his car _and _out of the parking lot without running anyone over by accident, and so went home with _that _happy thought.

Alfred, meanwhile, was stuck waiting for his cousin to finish his stupid club meeting so he could drive him home. What was his club called, again? He knew that crazy Hungarian girl was in it…oh yeah, the Yaoi Club! He'd heard that not many people were in it, and only two guys besides his cousin…what the hell _was _yaoi, anyway?

Oh, right. Boys' love—THAT WAS IT.

He picked up his backpack and headed to Mr. Vargas' room, which was where Yaoi Club met. Without even bothering to knock, he threw open the door, and nine heads all turned to stare at him.

The crazy Hungarian girl (_Elisabeta, _he told himself, _her name is Elisabeta, you have to call her that_) smiled. "Welcome to the Yaoi Club! Do you want to join, or purchase one of our mangas, or—"

"No! I need your help!" he exclaimed. At his interruption, the blond girl who had been suspended several times for bringing knives to school narrowed her eyes.

"If you're going to be rude, why should we help you?" she asked. Alfred gulped.

"U-Um…because I'm…Francis' cousin…?" At this, the girl just looked disgusted. "And because, uh…it'll be good material for those mangas you were talking about…?" At this, the girl in the back with glasses and her brown hair in a braid sat up a little straighter.

"I say we help him," she offered, picking up a pen to jot something down in a large notebook.

"I second that!" said Francis. "He is my little cousin, after all~"

"Brother says helping people is best," said the little freshman with the blue bow in her hair.

"I-I think we should help him…" said Alfred's friend Kiku meekly. Wait, what was _he_ doing in a place like _this?_

"I agree with Kiku~" said the Taiwanese girl, casting the Japanese boy a dreamy look.

"Whatever," said her brother with the thick eyebrows like Arthur's.

"That's a majority~!" said Elisabeta cheerfully. "So, we'll help you capture Arthur's heart." When Alfred opened his mouth to ask how exactly she knew that, she added, "Don't ask how we know that…we've actually known it for a very long time, and explaining would take far too long." Well, if _that _wasn't creepy as hell… "But, of course, if you want our help, you'll have to give us a decent down payment, and proper compensation after our plans succeed…Nicole! Write up the contract!" she yelled, pointing at the girl with glasses who had originally voted for helping Alfred.

"Yes, ma'am." She saluted Elisabeta and turned to a fresh page in her notebook, scribbling furiously.

"Good. So, what will you offer us as your down payment? Money? Labor? Pictures? Videos? Information?" asked Elisabeta, poking Alfred in the chest with every offer.

He sighed and pulled out his cellphone. He'd been planning to blackmail Mattie and Gilbert with this, but…Arthur was more important. "I've got pictures of my brother and Gilbert Beilschmidt. Together."

"Let's see if they're any good." Natalia, the blonde who had been opposed to helping Alfred, pulled his phone away from him and started flipping through the photos.

"These aren't bad…" murmured the Belgian girl who was looking over Natalia's shoulder.

"Wonderful!" squealed Elisabeta. "Nicole, have you finished the contract?" she asked the brunette with the glasses.

"Almost, Madam President," replied the girl. "Just a few more touches…there." She tore the paper out of her notebook and brought it over to Elisabeta. She handed the pen to Alfred for signing.

"What a nice contract…now, sign, Mr. Jones."

"But I can't even read it!"

"A trivial matter. Sign, or you don't get any of our help." She pushed the contract over to Alfred, and he reluctantly sighed. Elisabeta handed it back to Nicole, who stuffed it into a folder labeled "Blackmail".

"Now then." Elisabeta sat down. "Here's the plan, Alfred. Pay close attention, because I'll only say this once. Nicole, please take notes."

"Of course."

"Now, what we'll do is…"

Arthur Kirkland always ate lunch on the roof of the school. It was clichéd, he knew, but his spot was off in the corner where he wouldn't be disturbed.

Today, however, Alfred was there with that Korean freshman, Im Yong Soo. He narrowed his eyes and was about to yell at them for trying to steal his lunch spot, until he heard what the Korean said.

"Alfred-sempai, I really like you!"

WHAT. Arthur ducked behind a wall and continued to listen, to see if Alfred would betray hi—er, take up more of his lunchtime in _his _spot…yeah. That was it.

"I-I really hope you accept my feelings! P-Please go out with me!"

"Um, well, I—"

"Also, I, uh, made you some cookies…they're shaped like airplanes!"

Bloody hell. Alfred _loved _airplanes. And was that boy in a schoolgirl uniform? How…dedicated. He wished Alfred would do something crazy like that for _him…_want, no he didn't! Preposterous.

"That's really nice of you, but—"

"And this McDonald's giftcard has $50 on it! Please take it!"

Arthur scoffed. _Maybe _that would pay for two of the American's average meals at the disgusting burger restaurant. _Maybe._

"Look, Yong, I—"

"Wait. Before you say anything…even if you reject me…" Then the Korean _kissed Alfred's cheek._

He just—WHAT.

That little bastard just crossed a line, and Arthur was going to make sure he bloody well knew it. Who cared if Alfred was related to Francis? This little tosser just erased any and all of Arthur's inhibitions.

"Oi!" he yelled, walking over to the pair. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Arthur!" cried Alfred happily.

"What do you think _you're _doing?" asked the Korean, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I'm doing what any decent b-boyfriend would do. Alfred is with me. Stay away," he hissed.

Im Yong Soo gulped and scurried away.

"And _you._" Arthur glared at Alfred, who was grinning widely. "What the hell was that? Were you just going to lead that boy on, or were you going to really take him seriously? Answer me, wanker!"

"Did you mean what you said? Do you really think of me as your…?"

Arthur blushed. "O-Of course not. I was just getting Im Yong Soo to leave you alone—nothing more." Lies, all of it.

"Oh." Alfred's face fell. "I was just hoping that maybe…oh, whatever. I'll leave you alone Bye, Artie." He walked past Arthur to leave the roof (and to report to the Yaoi Club the failure of Plan Soo).

Dammit. Arthur knew he should just keep his mouth shut…don't say a word, Arthur…don't say a word, don't say a word, don't—"Wait."

"Huh?" Alfred turned back around, hope brimming in his eyes.

"I-I…l-l-lied."

"What?" Alfred cupped his hand over his ear. "Didn't quite catch that…"

Git. "I lied, okay? Just get back here and eat lunch with me."

Alfred smiled brightly. "Sure!" He ran back to Arthur and crushed him in a tight hug.

"I-Idiot! Let me go!" shouted Arthur.

Alfred laughed and let him go, then sat down, patting the space next to him, where Arthur sat. They both pulled out their lunches and Alfred started to chatter happily to Arthur.

Elisabeta grinned, her eyes obscured by binoculars. "We've succeeded, team!" The rest of the Yaoi Club cheered (except for Wang Jia Long, who never even smiled). "And we got some great pictures out of it!" More cheering.

"Can I take this off?" whined Im Yong Soo.

"No, replied Jia Long, who was actually his distant cousin.

"B-But-!"

"No means no, Yong, now shut up!" yelled Wang Mei, Jia Long's sister.

"Aw…"

**AN: And that's a wrap! Thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed. **** This was requested by SnowGirl999, and I'm happy to say I did manage to fit most of what you wanted in. I'm just a little worried that maybe the characters were a little too OOC…meh…**

**Thanks again for reading, and have a good night!**


	7. Mornings

**I'm too tired to put stuff here today. Whatever…thank you all for reviewing, though~**

**Title: **Mornings

**Pairing: **Fem!US/UK

**Rating: **T, for language

**Genre(s):** Romance, Humor

**Dedications: **Player3, Veldargone, ., StardustRudie, MataHari-Chan, TheNinjaWangsta, tintenstern, SnowGirl999, MirrorTearz16, and anyone else who fav'd or reviewed.

**Inspiration: **The request by StardustRudie for some fem!USUK fluffytiemz~

**Summary: **Just a regular morning with Amelia and Arthur…

**Disclaimer: **Don't own, don't sue.

Begin!

As the sun's bright golden rays hit Amelia Jones' eyelids, she inwardly cursed to herself. _Five more minutes. Five more minutes and then I'll get up and eat breakfast and I'll keep the complaining to a minimum, if only for five more sweet minutes…!_

"Amelia~! Breakfast is ready~!"

She groaned. _NO! _she screamed to herself, and tried to look like she was sleeping. Maybe then Arthur _wouldn't _force her to eat that disgusting shit he called food!

"Oh Amelia, I made your favorite~"

Good God. How could someone who was always so—what did Kiku call him? Tsundere? Yeah…-_tsundere _and _temperamental _get so cheerful and carefree when he cooked? It was cute, at least, until you actually tasted Arthur's food…it always took everything Amelia had not to throw up right there at the taste…doing so would break Arthur's fragile little heart.

"Up, up! Bacon and eggs, just the way you like them!"

_Lacking toxins? Yeah right,_ she thought to herself.

"Alright, I'm coming to get you." She heard Arthur's footsteps approaching.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOO! _She pressed her face into the pillow. Hm, maybe if she suffocated herself long enough, she'd knock herself out! Well, it was worth a try.

She heard a sigh above her head. "Are you trying to suffocate yourself again? You know that won't work. It hasn't the past 476 times you've tried it, why now?"

"It'll work!" she protested childishly. "Er, wait, I didn't just say that, 'cause I'm still asleep…yeah…" Hopefully, he'd believe her…

Arthur deadpanned. "That's ridiculous. Get out of bed." He shook her roughly, then threw the blankets off of her.

"Cold!" She hopped up to grab her blankets, then slowly turned. Her blue eyes met Arthur's greens. "Oh, uh, hi, Arthur! G'mornin'…"

"Breakfast time~" Arthur was all smiles at the prospect of watching Amelia happily eat her breakfast again. He'd made her favorite, there was no way she'd complain. He grabbed her wrist and dragged her off to the kitchen table excitedly.

"Wow, bacon and eggs. My favorite…" she muttered, taking as little as she could without making Arthur suspect anything. People always asked her why she was so thing, and if she was on a diet. With a straight face she'd reply that living with Arthur and his cooking was the most rigorous diet out there.

Arthur loaded his plate up and started on his bacon. "Hm, I think I did an extra-good job this time! Go on, try the bacon."

Cautiously, she bit into the blackened strips of pork, and a whole new word of various flavors exploded in her mouth. She forced herself to swallow. "I-It's good…"

Arthur smiled. "You really think so?"

_NO. _"Y-Yeah…" _The things I do for love…_ "Thanks for cooking breakfast again, Arthur…"

"Oh, it's nothing, Amelia. But go on, eat up," he urged.

N0No, I'm not that hungry, I had a really big midnight snack, actually…" Why was Arthur suddenly blushing? Oh yeah, last night they'd…ah.

"D-Don't say things like that at breakfast!" he sputtered. "I-It's indecent, especially for a lady!"

Amelia brightened. She'd gotten him to forget the food…now to go in for the kill. She gave Arthur a sly smirk. "Oh, but Artie, I can't help it~ I'm just so _full _from last night after all~ and you know, it _is _all your fault!"

Arthur blushed again, darker this time. "Sh-Shut up! If you're not hungry now, maybe you won't get a snack tonight!" He realized his own innuendo and chuckled darkly. That would teach her.

Amelia pouted. "But Artie~ your snacks are just so tasty, I doubt I could do a good job making one for myself!"

"J-Just eat your breakfast!" he shouted, and stormed out of the room.

Amelia frowned. That didn't really work…but maybe she could redeem herself. She hopped up, leaving the black bacon and strangely purple scrambled eggs behind to follow Arthur.

She found him in their bedroom, cursing to himself as he struggled with his tie. She snuck up behind him and gently moved his hands off the constricting piece of cloth. "Here. Let me help you." He let her get in front of him and loosen it.

"Th-Thank you," he muttered when she finished pulling the bottom through.

"Don't mention it," she murmured, giving his cheek a soft kiss. "It's sort of my job. That _is _what a girlfriend does, right? That and…make good midnight snacks." She winked at Arthur.

He sighed. "Sure."

"And cook, but you sort of book that over without my consent…" she grumbled.

"Hey! I can cook better than you."

She gave him a blank stare. "Artie, the eggs this morning were purple. Eggs should never e that color."

"B-But-!"

"Whatever! Doesn't matter as long as your cute~" She gave him another kiss, this one on his nose.

"Y-Yeah, okay…thank you" he muttered, looking away.

"And know you're supposed to say I'm cute too!" she whined.

Arthur chuckled, and her frown, which had been in place since her last line of dialogue, deepened. "Amelia, you're far too lovely to just be called 'cute'." He took her face in his hands and kissed her. She smiled.

**AN: Urgh, I'll re-check it over later…I'm reading the Bloodbath right now, so I don't want to concentrate on this any longer…**

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Remember, I take requests, so if you've got one, send it in~**


	8. Trapped

**Hey everyone! So I've got fifty reviews now~ and that means that after I post this, I'll post another one to celebrate. That one WON'T be a request, but something I wrote a bit ago that I've just found a reason to post.**

**This one was requested by Little Patch of Heaven! Give them a hand.**

**Title: **Trapped

**Pairing: **USUK, and implied fem!USUK. 'Cause that's how it's gotta work.

**Rating: **T, for language and mention of alcohol.

**Genre(s): **Angst, Crime, Hurt/Comfort, Romance

**Dedications: **MataHari-Chan, Veldargone, Little Patch of Heaven, Choco-Pocky-Usa-Chan, ShowGirl999, MirrorTearz16, tintenstern, and anyone who fav'd and alerted~

**Inspiration: **The request for rapper/gangster!Alfred and punk!Arthur. I tried, I really did…it's not quite that, but it's sort of that, so I guess it's okay…?

**Summary: **Alfred's been captured, and forced to work. When he stumbles upon something he really shouldn't have, he finds himself becoming the hero for the one who's keeping him there in the first place.

**Disclaimer: **I got something in my Spam today saying, 'Click here and own Hetalia!' and I didn't click on it. So I don't own Hetalia.

And, begin!

"Dammit!" swore Alfred F. Jones while he rode to the police station. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

It had all been a setup. He'd gone to pick something up for Francis—he wasn't sure what it was, Francis wouldn't say—and then a bunch of cops jumped out of nowhere and suddenly he was handcuffed and in a police car. Fucking fantastic.

The driver, named Wang Yao, was also having a bad day. Arthur would be so _pissed _when he found out Francis had sent some random kid to pick up the fake package. He just hoped that kid wouldn't notice that they _weren't _going to the police station until they actually got to where they were going.

Luckily for the Chinese driver, Alfred _didn't _notice until he got out of the fake cop car. "Hey, where are we?" he asked, confused about the whole situation. Yao ignored him and led him inside the large building that served as base.

"Hey, I asked you a question! Now, where are—"

"Yao, who is this?" drawled a cold British voice.

"I-I'm sorry, aru, it seems Francis sent this boy to pick it up, aru…"

A man with disheveled blonde hair and menacing green eyes walked into the light. He also looked pretty pissed, Alfred noticed. He turned to glare at our American. "The frog sent _this _kid?"

"We don't know who he is, aru. We were going to interrogate him, aru."

"Oh, I know who he is. This is Alfred, Alfred F. Jones, our frog's baby cousin."

"H-How did you—"

Arthur interrupted him. "I know all there is to know about that Frenchman, which means I obviously know about you and that little brother of yours. He's obviously the smart one, staying out of this business. What's his name again? Matthew?" His lips curved up in a sarcastic smile. "What a shame it would be if something were to happen to him."

"You leave him out of this!" shouted Alfred, pulling away from Yao. He aimed a kick at the Brit's face, a kick that was very easily blocked.

"Of course," replied Arthur smoothly. "But it'll cost you."

"What do you want me to pay?" asked Alfred, narrowing his eyes.

Arthur laughed. "Your service."

Alfred was disgusted. He'd been working for four days, mostly doing easy stuff, like washing windows and cooking dinner (under constant supervision, of course), but this?

"Clean my bathroom. I want it spotless in an hour," Arthur had ordered, and then he went off to do something else.

He started immediately, turning on Arthur's CD player. It started playing a mix of old Green Day and the Sex Pistols and other punk bands. So the guy liked that kind of thing. Huh.

Why were there tampons in this bathroom?

He looked over the feminine products curiously. He hadn't seen one since he was a kid and he'd tried to set one on fire…that wasn't the best day. Why did Arthur have these? He wasn't…no, that was impossible. And he hadn't seen any girls around, so…?

He shrugged. Might as well throw 'em out.

Just as he was about to stuff the package into the trash bag he'd brought with him, the door opened. "I left my contact solution—_what the hell are you doing with those."_

"Oh, well, I was just gonna throw 'em out, seeing as there are no girls here, so—"

"Throw them out and I'll rip your balls off and feed them to Minty," threatened Arthur.

(Minty was Arthur's pet bunny. She didn't _look_ vicious, but apparently, if anyone besides Arthur got too close to her, something horrible would happen to them.)

"Jesus, okay!" Alfred set the tampons on the toilet. "But why? Are they special collector's tampons or something? Are they made of money?"

Arthur gave him a weird look. "No, it's nothing like that. They belonged to…someone who died," he said awkwardly, and wondered why he was telling Alfred at all. Maybe because he sort of looked like her…?

"Oh. Okay. I won't touch 'em except to put 'em back where they belong." He smiled reassuringly at Arthur, his first smile since being captured.

"O-Okay…" the Brig stammered. "J-Just hurry it up!" He grabbed the small bottle of contact solution off the counter and left, slamming the door behind him.

Alfred went back to cleaning, not quite able to shake the thought of Arthur's red face the whole time.

Later, while he was cooking dinner with Yao, he asked the Chinese man about the woman who died.

"Aiyah, where did you hear about her, aru?" asked Yao, shocked at the American's question.

"Arthur," replied Alfred simply. "I was cleaning his bathroom and I almost threw out his tampons and he told me not to 'cause they belonged to some dead chick."

"I guess it couldn't hurt to tell you, aru…okay. A few years ago, Arthur took over, aru. Our boss used to be a man named Gilbert, but he retired, aru. Anyway, Arthur opened us up to female members at about that time .Only one passed, aru, and her name was Amelia Williams. She and Arthur used to argue a lot, aru, but eventually they got over all that, and they sort of…fell in love, I guess, aru."

"OH! I get it. So then how did she di—"

"I was getting to that, aru!" snapped Yao. "After a few months, Amelia had to go out to buy some tampons. She was walking down an alley at night, and someone recognized her and shot her, aru. The thing was, aru, she didn't really need the tampons, since there were already some in the cabinet, aru," said Yao sadly. "He keeps them as a reminder of her, because they're sort of the reason that she's dead, aru."

"Oh. I…think that's kind of stupid," muttered Alfred. "Seriously. Tampons? And how long has it been?" he demanded.

"T-Three years, aru."

"Exactly. He should just get over her," he said as he took a pizza out of the over.

Something flew just over his head and smashed behind him on a wall. "You don't know what yer talkin' abou'…" grumbled a British voice, "so stop talkin' abou' it…" Heavy footsteps plodded off.

Yao sighed. "Drunk again, aru. He should really stop doing that, aru…it's so bad for his health…"

"Hm." Alfred frowned to himself.

"I'll finish dinner, aru. You go check on him, aru," ordered Yao suddenly.

"Why meeeeeeeee?" whined Alfred. "He hates my guts right now!"

"That's why, aru. Now go." Yao pointed a large, black spoon toward the door.

Grumbling, Alfred followed after the Brit, his apron still on. When he arrived at Arthur's bedroom door, instead of knocking, he just walked in. There was an empty bottle of rum on the ground, and the American sincerely hoped that Arthur hadn't drunk it in the space between throwing that glass thing at Alfred and now.

"Whozere?" slurred Arthur. Alfred winced. Oh, he probably _had, _hadn't he? "Hey. Who're you?"

"It's me, Yao told me to—"

"SHHHHH." Arthur turned around and stared the American in the face. " 'Melia?" he whispered.

"Uh, no, I'm _Alfred—"_

"'MELIA." Arthur tackled Alfred. "Ah knew ye'd come back!" He planted a kiss on Alfred's mouth. "Hm, did you get a haircut?" he asked.

"Uh…"

"Doesn't matter. Yer still beautiful." And then he passed out right on top of Alfred.

The American struggled to get out from under Arthur, and then picked him up and carried him to his bed. He left, closing the door gently behind him.

The next morning, before he could even _think _of waking up, he was hustled into handcuffs and blindfolded. Someone drove him to his house and then left him there on the front porch. Luckily, his brother was home, and he helped him get inside.

"Where have you been?" Matthew kept asking.

Finally, after some pancakes, Alfred replied, "Got captured. Washed windows. Cooked dinner. Cleaned a bathroom. Got to be a hero."

Then he smiled.

**AN: And, that's a wrap. In about an hour, I'll have finished my dinner and I'll post the 50 review special. I'll have to type it up and check it and stuff, but it'll be up tonight, and if it's not, you can pelt me with flying mint bunnies. (Though I may keep one as a pet.)**

**This was requested by Little Patch of Heaven, as I said before. I hope you liked it.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	9. Bonus Chapter: The Alien and the Rabbit

**Here it is, the 50 review special!**

**As I said before, this was not requested by anyone. I wrote it just after Unicorn Plushie, and I thought now would be a good time as ever since it's not really like any of the others. Well, here we go!**

**Title: **The Alien and the Rabbit

**Pairing: **USUK, with some implied TonyFMB, if you squint~ (yeah, I'm just weird like that)

**Rating: **T, for Tony's mouth and what happens at the end~

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor, Hurt/Comfort (but it's minor)

**Dedications: **Everyone who's reviewed. There are far too many to write here, but it's because of you guys that this is going up! So give them all a round of applause.

**Inspiration: **I dunno…I just really wanted something where Tony and FMB work together.

**Warnings: **Tony's mouth, a frowning green animal, and a tied up American in a closet.

**Summary: **Flying Mint Bunny has been sent to investigate Tony, but she ends up teaming up with him to make Arthur and Alfred in a way Tony is certain will work.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Hetalia, I'd plant flowers~~~ Haha, I don't own Hetalia (or The Very Potter Musical)

Begin!

Flying Mint Bunny frowned, an activity in which she did not usually partake. She was the FMB, the smiley companion of a man who really needed more smiles in his life. Frowning was just unnatural to her.

Though, she supposed, for _this _situation, she'd have to make an exception.

She and her Arthur were over at Alfred's house for lunch. The rest of the G8 had been invited, thankfully, and that adorable little Italian, Feliciano, had teamed up with his big brother Francis to create something delicious to eat. Arthur, not being allowed near the kitchen for obvious reasons, had to decided to busy himself with finding out what exactly Tony was, because, in the Brit's mind, there was no way he was an alien, those didn't even _exist._

Finally, he'd just sent Flying Mint Bunny to find out, but all she'd learned was that he could see and hear her. Arthur wouldn't be happy with that, and the thought of her Arthur being unhappy made her _very _unhappy, hence the uncharacteristic frownage.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" asked the alien. So he'd noticed her frowning. Stupid alien, calling her out like that…

"It's Arthur," she sighed. "I was supposed to find out what you are, since he doesn't believe in aliens…I mean, _I _believe you, but he doesn't. And this would've been a way for him to be happy, 'cause he's been so sad lately…" Tony muttered something under his breath about "that stupid fucking limey making my friends sad", but she ignored him to continue ."I just want him to be happy! That's my job, and I'm failing my job, I might lose my familiar's license! Then what would I do?" she sobbed.

"All you have to do is making the moron happy, right?" asked Tony. FMB nodded, giving a feeble hiccup. "Just distract him with something else and he'll forget all about me."

"D-Distract him?" echoed FMB. Tony nodded. "B-But…how do I do that?" she asked.

Tony turned his head to stare at his Alfred. "Is there anyone that he likes? In that weird more-than-friend way?"

FMB perked up and smiled. "Yeah, I think he likes your person, Alfred, like that!"

Tony narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "That's good. I know for a fact that Alfred likes him that way, too. He's always having those XXXXXX dreams with XXXXX and XXXXXXXXXX. As well as—"

"I-I get it," squeaked FMB, flattening her ears against her head, trying to keep her innocence intact instead of letting it get ruined by listening to what the alien had to say.

"Then we just have to get them together, or whatever it is humans call it. Then he'll forget all about what he asked you."

FMB smiled at Tony, then frowned again. She was doing that far too much today. "But…how do we do that?" she asked the alien.

Tony suddenly grew a mouth that became a sadistic grin. "I have a few ideas…"

FMB gulped, and chanted to herself, "It's all for Arthur, it's all for Arthur, it's all for Arthur…"

"Flying Mint Bunny, have you discovered what Tony is yet?"

She gulped. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought.

"Ah, Arthur…when I asked him, he just said he was an alien," she replied, smiling sadly. "So I guess—"

"NO. I refuse to believe it," muttered Arthur. "Aliens…the whole idea is just preposterous. I need a drink…"

Good. All according to plan. "Well, I heard Mr. Alfred talking a few minutes ago, I heard he has some rum stored in the big supply closet just up the stairs…"

Arthur smiled at her, relieved. "Thanks, FMB. You're a great help." He got up out of his chair and disappeared up the stairs.

Now Tony just had to carry out his part of the plan…though he hadn't really told her what it was, just that she shouldn't worry about it.

Actually, Tony's part of the plan was tying up Alfred and tossing him in said storage closet, then hiding to lock it when the Brit went in. He did so perfectly. The things he would do for that cute little green rabbit…

Arthur was slightly perturbed when the door to the storage closet closed and locked behind him, but the glee at seeing a tied-up American just lying there waiting for him drove that out.

And Alfred, once he was untied, didn't mind either. There was some good stuff in that closet, including a certain butler outfit, which he kept for a 'just in case' situation. He was glad it finally had a use.

Flying Mint Bunny sighed happily to herself at the noises from the closet. Her Arthur sounded so…so…so _overjoyed, _like he was experiencing extreme bliss. She wasn't quite sure what her Arthur and Tony's Alfred were _doing, _exactly, but it made her Arthur happy, and that was all that mattered.

**YAY FOR CRACK.**

**Haha, yeah, right…this is crack, isn't it? Looking back, I guess it is. I actually was looking through the character list, and…FLYING MINT BUNNY ISN'T LISTED AS A CHARACTER OH NOOOOOOOOES. But Tony is, but FMB ISN'T AND SHE IS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE SHOW. E-Except for the Flying Tigers.**

**Thank you for reading this cracktastic 50 review celebration. I really hope you all liked it.**

**(And I'm still taking requests so send 'em in!)**


	10. Stickers

**So this was SUPPOSED to be Lovely Hikari's request, a sequel thing to Cops 'n Vandals, but I JUST COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. I'M SO SORRY. But I will write it, hopefully. I just hope you like this…**

**Title: **Stickers

**Pairings: **USUK!

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Friendship, Angst, Humor

**Dedications: **SnowGirl999 (x2), TheNinjaWangsta(x2), Chibirisu, StardustRudie, Little Patch of Heaven (x2), tintenstern, and everyone who fav'd or alerted.

**Inspiration: **Some Martha Speaks stickers. -_- DON'T LAUGH.

**Warnings: **VIOLENCE. Between a five-year-old and a seven-year-old…and Erie=Ireland, everyone!

**Summary: **Arthur had heard the stickers were going to be fairies, but instead he got a stupid superhero instead! But maybe something special at recess will change his mind about the shield-wielding sticker…?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fixed by Stars, I don't own the internet, and I most CERTAINLY do not own Hetalia.

And here we go~

"Very good job, Arthur! You get a sticker," said his teacher, Miss Braginski. Five-year-old Arthur Kirkland smiled to himself. He'd heard there would be fairy stickers today! However, when his teacher pressed the sticker to his sheet, it was most certainly _not _a fairy.

He glared at it. Stupid Captain America. Did you blast all of the fairy stickers away? (Obviously, Arthur was not familiar with Captain America at all, but he didn't care about that.)

He sulked until it was time to go outside for recess, when he took his usual spot on his favorite swing. It was kind of low down, so not many people used it.

Suddenly, four boys walked up. He recognized one of them—Toris was his name—as being one of his classmates, but the rest were unfamiliar.

They got on the swings next to Arthur, but the shortest of their group couldn't get on any of them—he was simply too tiny. The tall one who looked a bit like his teacher turned to Arthur.

"Could you let my friend use your swing? He's too short for the others."

Arthur fidgeted uncomfortably. It would be the nice thing to do, but he really didn't want to…he was still upset about the sticker. "Um…"

"Please?" The boy smiled, and Arthur shivered. Something wasn't right this guy…

"I-I guess…" he replied, hopping off the swing. The short boy shot him a grateful smile and hopped up on the swing Arthur had just been occupying .

Arthur walked of to find something else to do. Everyone was playing with their friends, but Arthur wasn't really good at making friends. The closest he had to them were Kiku and Rod-Roddy-Roderich, but Kiku had to stay home sick and Roderich was always with Lizzy or Gilbert. Lizzy was scary, and Gilbert was…just obnoxious.

He wandered to the edge of the playground and sat down next to a boy with a polar bear. "What's your bear's name?" he asked. The boy jumped.

"Kumakujo…or was it Kumarory? Or maybe Kumadia…" The boy trailed off. "But um, my name's Matthew. What's yours?"

"I'm Arthur. It's nice to meet you."

It was silent for a bit, and then Matthew pointed to a boy surrounded by a lot of other people. "That's my brother, Alfred."

"Cool."

"Do you have any brothers?" asked Matthew.

"Yeah…five. One's a baby, but the others are older and they're kind of mean to me.."

"But brothers are supposed to be nice and protect you!" said Matthew.

"Tell them that…" muttered Arthur. "Oh look, there's one now."

Arthur's youngest older brother, Erie, sauntered over to the pair. "Hey Artie. Who's your friend?" he asked.

"Matthew."

"Is that a polar bear? What a wimp. You still carry a bear around with you wherever you go?" he sneered.

"Don't make run of Matthew!" shouted Arthur.

"Shut up." He kicked his little brothers' leg. Arthur cried out in pain, and Erie reached down and grabbed Matthew's bear.

"L-Let go!" yelled Matthew. "He's not yours!"

Erie just laughed and pulled Kumajiro out of Matthew's grasp. "He's mine now!"

"No he's not! "yelled someone.

"Alfred!" cried Matthew happily. "H-He took Kumamushi!"

Alfred promptly tackled Erie, knocking him over. Kumajirou flew out of his hands and into Mathew's awaiting arms.

Arthur was in awe. He wanted to join in too, but his leg still hurt too badly. Alfred was totally kicking Erie's butt! It was so cool!

Miss Braginski ran over and pulled Alfred off of Arthur's now-crying older brother. "Alfred Jones!" she shouted. "You're going to the principal's office!"

"But—"

"No buts, Alfred. Come on."

"Wait, Miss Braginski!" shouted Arthur. His leg still hurt so he couldn't easily stand up and run after her. "Stop!"

"Arthur?" Alfred smiled at him. "What is it? Don't tell me he hurt you too—"

"No! He was helping us! E-Erie stole Matthew's bear and kicked my leg and Alfred was just trying to stop him!"

Erie glared at Arthur, who gulped. He'd probably get him once they got home…

Miss Braginski frowned. "Is this true?" The three kindergarteners nodded vigorously. "Erie?" The 2nd grader finally nodded shamefully. "…Very well. Alfred, you should have gotten a teacher, but I'll give you a warning this time."

Alfred grinned. Miss Braginski helped Erie up and then led him away, most likely to see the principal in Alfred's stead.

Matthew's brother ran over to Arthur and gave him a hug ."Thank you for saving me like that! It was awesome!"

"N-No…it wasn't that awesome…" muttered Arthur. Alfred just laughed.

"I'm Alfred! What's your name?" he asked, blue eyes shining.

"I-I'm Arthur…"

"Cool! Artie, you're my new best friend! Come on, Mattie, we're gonna go play! You should come too!"

"O-Okay…"

After recess, Arthur stared at the Captain America sticker with newfound respect. Superheroes were protectors, not fairy killers. But even though this Captain was cool, he still wasn't _nearly _as awesome as Arthur's new best friend/personal hero, Alfred F. Jones.

**There we go. I-I'm sorry it's not your request, Lovely Hikari…that should be up tomorrow…**

**I'll check it properly tomorrow as well. I put it through spell check, but I always read it over, but it's already 9:26 and I was supposed to go to bed awhile ago…but I'll wait till this Norwegian song is over, of course. **

**Thank you for reading!**


	11. Cops 'n' Fangirls

**Wow. So it's been a week.**

***sobs* I'M SORRY!**

**Title: **Cops 'n' Fangirls

**Pairings: **USUK…and ElisabetaxYaoi, obviously…

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor, Angst

**Dedications: **tintenstern, TheNinjaWangsta, Little Patch of Heaven, ShowGirl999, Lovely Hikari, MataHari-Chan, Chibirisu, and AlchemicKeyblader. And everyone who fav'd or alerted, of course.

**Inspiration: **Cliches. God, without them, this wouldn't even exist…I'M SORRY.

**Warnings: **Smokin' and drinkin' and Elisabeta~

**Summary: **Arthur's caught breaking the law again, this time by a yaoi fangirl. She lets him off, but with a catch: a repeat of the scene he made two months ago.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Window Bird, I don't own my own mind, do you _really _think I own Hetalia?

Begin~

Arthur gulped when the person he was looking for came into view. How had he gotten roped into this again? Oh yeah…that chick with the weird name that sounded like Elizabeth had done this…

He'd taken some rum from his father's liquor cabinet and headed out to smoke with some people he'd met at school. When none of them even bothered to show up, he smoked and drank alone. It wasn't like he was going to pass up a full pack and a bottle…

Unfortunately, while he was still on his first cigarette and only halfway through the rum, a police car randomly showed up. A little voice inside him was desperately screaming that he had to run away, but the slightly muted hope that it might be _his _officer, Alfred F. Jones, completely drowned that out.

Unluckily, it was a woman with long brown hair and eyes just a touch darker than Arthur's own. She looked vaguely familiar, and _he _was obviously familiar to her, as she gasped in delight at the sight of his indifferent teenage face.

"Oh my…you're that boy! The one that kissed Alfred!" she exclaimed gleefully, and Arthur groaned. Of all the people to catch him, it was the one witness to what he'd done 2 months ago after being released from jail.

"So?" He shrugged. "Why does it matter?"

She smirked. "Oh, well, as I just caught you smoking _and _drinking when you're underage and on school grounds and have the power to let you off with a warning, I thought you might care." She sighed dramatically. "But if you want to be arrested again, I suppose I could oblige…"

"Hmph. What is it you want?" he asked nonchalantly. The woman's grin grew large and creepy, and he could feel a fine sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. This lady…she was _scary._

Then, she started to _cackle. _What. The. Hell. "Oh, it's simple, really~ I just need you to repeat the scene from two months ago, and let me photograph it. Easy, no?" she asked slyly.

"I…why?" he asked.

She sighed dreamily to herself. "Oh, if only all beautiful yaoi moments could be caught on tape…yours was _especially _wonderful to watch, but unfortunately, I couldn't get my camera out in time…it was a real shame." She wiped an imaginary tear from her eye, then clasped her hands together and took a few steps toward the teenager leaned against the wall. Her eyes were bit and pleading. "That's why I need you to do it again! The others wouldn't believe me when I told them, but with photographic evidence, I could—"

"So wait, let me get this straight," said Arthur, interrupting the crazy woman mid-rant, "you want to photograph me making out with a man I haven't seen for two months and barely know anyway…just for shits and giggles?"

The woman blushed. "W-Well, yes, that's the gist of it."

Arthur stared at her blankly. "…Fine."

"What?" she asked disbelievingly. "You'll…really do it?"

Arthur nodded. "But you'd better compensate me with more than just letting me off for this!"

She giggled happily. "Within reason, I'll get you whatever you want."

What Arthur _really _wanted was a one-way ticket back to England and his mother, but instead he replied, "I want…a pet rabbit. And make it vicious."

She nodded. "It'll be a pleasure to work with you, Mr.…."

"Arthur Kirkland."

"Elisabeta Hedervary."

After that, Elisabeta arranged for him to meet up with Alfred in the park at four o'clock the next Saturday. All he had to do was show up, and then…that other thing.

That police officer lady was _sick. _A park? Really? Her excuse was that it wasn't like they could just go back to the police station for no reason. It was a rather poor excuse…

Arthur gulped as Alfred walked around the corner. Oh, damn. This was just…

"Arthur?" The boy jumped at the sound of his name. Alfred smiled and came over. "I haven't seen you in awhile."

"H-Hello there," said Arthur, looking away. God, this was going to be horrible…he just hoped Elisabeta wouldn't post the photos she was about to take on the internet…

"Elisabeta told me to come here to meet someone and that it was super important," said Alfred. "But why would she do that…?" As realization dawned upon him, he gave Arthur an odd look. "Wait, is this for her photo collection…?"

"Yes," sighed Arthur.

Alfred ran his hand through his hair. "Oh boy…"

"I wonder what she'll do to me if I don't…" Arthur mused, remembering again the reason he was here in the first place. "Threaten to tell my father? Like I'd care…"

"How _did _she get you to do this, anyway?" asked Alfred. He sat down on the bench, and Arthur sat next to him.

"She caught me smoking and drinking behind the school. She said she'd arrest me if I didn't do this."

Alfred frowned at him. "Smoking and drinking? Really?"

Arthur nodded.

"Jesus…vandalism, and now this? What's wrong with you?"

Arthur decided he wasn't like how this conversation was going, as it was starting to feel like his ride to the police station .Which meant that soon, Elisabeta would have to have her camera ready…

"I mean, taking out your teenage angst in these ways is bad. Like I said, you need to find a healthier output for all—mmph!"

Arthur had finally decided to get it over with in a very cliché way, as you might have been able to tell.

"Wonderful!" squealed someone in the bushes and across the path. Elisabeta hopped out, holding her camera. Arthur pulled himself away from Alfred. "That was great!"

"Yeah, whatever," muttered Arthur, wiping his mouth off repeatedly. "Where's my rabbit?"

"In my car. Come on, I'll take you home." Then walked off to Elisabeta's car, leaving Alfred to stare after Arthur once again.

**EXTENDED ENDING**

"Oh, and by the way, I took the liberty of naming her for you. Her name is Minty."

"…Whatever."

**AN: I'm craving orange juice. Anyone else?**

**So, I SHOULD be doing my Japanese homework and reading 2001: A Space Odyssey right now, but instead I'm doing my homework and reading PPC! So. You can see how my grades are going to do tomorrow…**

**In other news, Kittens on Parade!**

**This was requested by Lovely Hikari. Ah, and I would like to ask something….**

**Please, don't request sequels. These are called oneshots for a reason. If you've already requested one, I'll write it, but no more after this. Okay? Thank you.**

**The next request up will be for .. I have to go check and see what it is now…**

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed~**


	12. Most Certainly NOT Gay

**I think…I might have a pattern?**

**Every day for a week…and then a week of nothing. And then (hopefully) everyday for a week…and then another week of nothing. :P Sucks to be us.**

**Title: **Most Certainly NOT Gay

**Pairings: **USUK…nothing else this time, kiddos.

**Rating: **T, for Silence of the Lambs.

**Genre(s): **Humor, Romance, slight Angst…

**Dedications: **SnowGirl999, tintenstern, Lovely Hikari, Chibirisu, Choco-Pocky-Usa-chan, Little Patch of Heaven, Alphine, and everyone who alerted or fav'd.

**Inspiration: **The request by . I think it was, for Artie and Alfie bein' college roommates and having a grand old time. (Not their words. Mine.)

**Warnings: **AU…and Silence of the Lambs is a key part.

**Summary: **Alfred's started college with a terrible roommate. Of course, that situation might change if he just gets to know the roommate…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Shiroi Hana by Yui Ibuki, I don't own the planet Mars, and the only Hetalia-related thing I own is the first volume which I bought today and it is the most awesome thing ever. But I don't own Hetalia itself….

Begin~

Alfred F. Jones, 19 years old, was very disappointed in his baby brother, himself, and the people who assigned dorms at the college he'd been accepted into. I'm sure by now you can guess why, but I'll tell you anyway.

_They hadn't put him with his brother._

Seriously! He'd specifically requested to be put with his brother, but instead Mattie had ended up with some German albino dude! And Alfred himself…

"My name is Kirkland. _Arthur _Kirkland. I go to bed at exactly 9:00, I have a pet rabbit, and if you bother me for any reason shorter than 'I'm dying', I will get very angry. Also, don't eat my food."

Some British jerk who thought he was freakin' James Bond! What the hell was up with that?

Well, at least he wasn't always bringing girls over. That would be irritating. Heh, maybe he was gay.

Maybe he was…?

"ARTHUR." Alfred burst into the Brit's bedroom.

"What in the name of—what do _you _want?" yelled Arthur. He had dropped his pen in surprise at Alfred's entrance. "Can't you see I'm—"

"Arthur, are you gay?"

"W-What?" sputtered Arthur. "What kind of a question is that? And didn't I tell you not to bother me unless you were dying?" he asked, trying to change the subject to something less awkward.

"Well, I was just wondering 'cause I don't know if I wanna room with a gay guy is all, 'cause that'd be really weird—"

"No. Now get out."

Speechless at the sudden calmness of the Brit, Alfred left the room, closing the door on the way out.

"Stupid bloody American," grumbled Arthur to himself. "Asking that sort of question…" He then went back to his Psychology work. "I'm not gay…why would he ask that? Just because I don't bring girls over all the time…" He realized he'd started writing his thoughts out on the paper, and angrily scratched them out. "Maybe _he's _gay and that's his stupid American way of asking me…"

_Oh SHIT. _

"ALFRED."

"AAAAAH! WHAT?" screamed the American, who had started a scary movie while his roommate was doing his homework. It was "Silence of the Lambs", and though not much had happened yet, he'd already seen it once before and the memories of Hannibal Lector eating the security guards had already surfaced…

"A-Are you…a homosexual?" asked Arthur, his cheeks going pink.

Alfred's face went from frightened to shocked, and then from shocked to sly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because if you are, _I _am asking for a room reassignment," replied Arthur bluntly. "It would be rather uncomfortable to be residing with someone with the potential to be sexually attracted to me."

"Oh." Alfred's grin dropped. 'Well, I'm not, so you don't need to worry."

"I won't, then." He decided to go finish that Psychology thing, but just as he was about to disappear back into his room, Alfred asked, "Hey…could you stay?" Arthur raised one gargantuan eyebrow. "N-Not that I'm scared, but uh…this is a really good movie, and you should see it! I even made popcorn!" He lifted the bowl of deliciously buttered snacks.

"Fine." He sat down next to Alfred on the couch. "Give me some of that."

As the movie went on, Alfred grew more and more afraid, and Arthur grew more and more annoyed. The bloody American was _clinging _to him like a small child or a cat, as well as shaking in fear. "Get off of me."

"AAAA-oh wait, that was you. Sorry." Hesitantly, Alfred unlatched himself.

"That's better, thank you." He reached for some more popcorn (though by now it was nearly gone), but his fingers just met more fingers. He drew his hand back as if it had been pricked by needles. "D-Don't touch me!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Artie…"

"I'm going to go finish my work." Arthur stood up to leave, but Alfred grabbed his hand.

"N-No! You can't go yet! I-I mean…you haven't seen how it ends!" he exclaimed.

"Yes I have. This was my brother's favorite movie and I've sat through more times that I could ever care to count. Now let—me—go!" He finally yanked his hand free of Alfred's and went to his room.

Alfred whimpered at the screen. Stupid gay British guy…

"I AM NOT GAY!" Arthur yelled from his room. Alfred realized he must have voiced his thoughts aloud. Whoops… "ALSO, I AM NOT STUPID. THAT IS YOU. ALSO, THANK YOU FOR TAKING UP SO MUCH OF MY TIME. I CAN'T FINISH MY ASSIGNMENT NOW AS IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED." The light in Arthur's room went out, leaving Alfred in total darkness.

A half hour later, when the movie was over, Alfred found that he could not sleep. He was afraid the skin-suit guy would come and take his skin…(Alfred liked to ignore details in movies sometimes—this was one of those times.) He didn't want to have to resort to this, but…

"Arthur? Are you still awake?" He pushed the door to Arthur's room open.

The irritated Brit, who also could not sleep, grumbled, "No."

"Oka—hey, wait. If you were asleep, you wouldn't have been able to answer."

"Oh, good job. Ten points to the American," replied Arthur. Alfred got the feeling that he was being insulted (and with Harry Potter, of all things), but ignored it.

"C-Can I sleep with you?" he asked.

"WHAT? Oh, that's it, I'm going to get a new room assignment TOMORROW—"

"No! Not like _that!_ Pervert._"_

"Oh." Arthur shifted around in his bed uncomfortably. "Well then."

"…So can I?"

"Do what you like! I'm going to sleep."

Alfred silently cheered for himself and crawled into bed next to his cranky British roommate. "'Night, Artie~"

"Whatever."

Maybe this roommate wouldn't be so bad~

**EXTENDED ENDING**

…But even if he wasn't, that didn't mean he was gay.

**AN: The "he" at the end can apply to both~ as well as the last line before the extended ending.**

**So, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. The next person to get their request published will be Veldargone, and as I did nothing on Valentine's, it shall be in honor of that particular holiday. **

**Like I said before, I hope you liked it~**


	13. Poison On Valentine's Day?

**Haha~ here's the Valentine's Day thing…three days late…and it was the request by Veldargone. So enjoy, Veldargone~**

**Title: **Poison On Valentine's Day?

**Pairings: **US/fem!UK. Yep. That's right, kiddos. And no ElisabetaxYaoi this time. ):

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Humor, Romance, Friendship

**Dedications: **ShowGirl999, TheNinjaWangsta, tintenstern, Chibirisu, and DancesWithCranes. And everyone who fav'd or alerted, of course!

**Inspiration: **The holiday of love and making chocolate.

**Warnings: **AU, as well as a female Artie who we have called Alice. Oh, and the dissing of Sarah Palin. Sorry, but she's a moron.

**Summary: **Alice has finally decided to confess her feelings to Alfred…through a secret admirer note. But when he eats the chocolate along with it, bad things might happen…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Window Bird by Stars (I've been listening to them a lot, haven't I?), I don't own the PPC, and I don't own Hetalia~

AND HERE WE GO.

"A-Alfred, I made you some chocolate…I hope you'll accept it!" Alfred looked up from his comic book and saw the cute freshman with the short blond hair that always had a bow decorating it. Her name was Livie, or Lila, or Lulu, or something like that…the only detail Alfred ever bothered to remember was that her brother was in the army, and he owned a lot of guns.

"Wow, thanks!" He took the chocolate from her and unwrapped it. "This looks really great! Thanks!" Lassie—or whatever the hell it was—glowed with happiness and skipped off to tell her friends.

Alfred happily chowed down on the chocolate. He'd gotten a lot today, and briefly wondered why, but then decided not to worry about it. After all, it was free chocolate!

Alice Kirkland, meanwhile, Alfred's best friend since like _forever, _was watching him with hate-filled eyes. Was he stupid? Uh, stupider than usual? Was he really not aware that it was Valentine's Day?

No, probably not. Dunce probably didn't know when his own birthday was…oh wait, he did, since it was also Independence Day. But that was it!

Alice, though she thought Alfred was the stupidest human being alive (well, besides that Sarah Palin, of course) had made him chocolate. Obviously. Why wouldn't she? Of course, as Alice was a complete tsundere, there was no way she'd give it to him in person. That would be ridiculous.

Instead, she had put in his lunchbox, which was in his locker. (She had his combination, like many of his friends. Alfred could be a bit _too _trusting at times…) With the chocolate was a little note that confessed her feelings of attraction and whatnot…though the sender had written that it was from a secret admirer. Which she was! And now that she'd given it to him, she could stop pining so much. It felt ridiculous to do, anyway, but she couldn't help herself.

_Well, Alfred would never like me in that way anyway, _she thought to herself bitterly, and with that, she went to her next class.

When Alfred opened his lunch in the cafeteria, there was a neatly wrapped pink heart with a note taped to it.

_Roses are red,_

_violets are blue,_

_this secret admirer_

_really likes you._

"Hey Mattie, look at this." He shoved the note under his brother's nose. "Someone sent me a love note. Weird, huh?"

"Not really. After all, it _is _Valentine's Day…" murmured Matthew. "Did you forget again?"

"…I guess I did," replied Alfred sheepishly. "So that's why people have been giving me chocolate…I wonder who this is from. He stared at the innocent pink heart. "Well, I hope it tastes good, anyway." He unwrapped the corner and took a bite.

The first thing he noticed was that it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever put in his mouth. The second was his need to throw up _rightnowrightnowrightnow. _After that, though, he was too unconscious to notice anything at all.

When he woke up, he was in the nurse's office, on a cot. The nurse's aide, Elisabeta Hedervary, was there waiting for him to wake up. "Oh, you're up!" she exclaimed when he tried to sit up. "Don't try to sit up, though. After all, you fainted after eating some chocolate."

"Oh…yeah…" Alfred grinned to himself as the memories came back. "I think I know who that was from…"

"You know who tried to poison you?" asked Elisabeta.

Alfred quickly shook his head. "No, she wasn't trying to poison me!" he protested. "She just can't cook is all…"

"Alfred, you _fainted. _No one is _that _bad a cook."

Alfred smiled to himself in spite of Elisabeta's words. "There is _one _person."

Meanwhile, a certain Alice Kirkland was fuming. She was getting a drink of water during class to try to calm herself down, but it just wouldn't work. She was mad at the American who'd eaten her chocolate. What kind of horrible person faints after eating chocolate? A demon might…

She shivered.

Out the corner of her eye, she could see someone leaving the nurse's office, and when she turned her head to get a better look, she saw it was Alfred. Her eyes narrowed as his brightened. "Alfred."

"Hey Alice!" he exclaimed cheerfully, and ran up to her. "So you know how I fainted after eating that chocolate at lunch?"

"Yes," replied Alice shortly. Where was he going with this…?

"I figured out who sent it!" If Alice had still been drinking water, she would have spit it out all over the American's smiling face.

"…That's fantastic, Alfred…" she muttered. Stan calm, Alice. Stay. Calm.

"Yeah! I know, right?" Alice just nodded. "Oh, and by the way…" He bent down to her height and whispered in her ear, "This secret admirer really likes you, too."

**AN: FLUFFY ENDING OH MY GOD.**

**I almost made it super angsty and sad. You people are lucky my dad was in the room and I asked him and he convinced me to make it happy. So everyone, thank a Bruce tomorrow.**

**And I'm sorry it's three days late. I just didn't have the idea before the day. And other people were late too! L-Like Ariisha-chan! Who wrote that Gakuen Alice thing that was adorable. If you like Gakuen Alice, you should read it.**

**(I'm sorry if you don't like female versions…some people have been complaining, but I'm just taking the requests people give me. And then next one is for a yuri thing with Alice and Amelia. So. You can read that if you want, or you can wait for another.)**

**Also…I have 79 reviews now. I am so happy…I think I might cry. (And this means we'll hopefully hit 100 soon, so maybe I'll try to write a sequel to The Alien and the Rabbit. 'Cause I liked that one, and it seems you people did too.**

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed~**


	14. The Runaway

**READTHISREADTHISREADTHIS.**

**I said this one would be yuri, did I not? Well, it's not. I tried writing it, and…it didn't work. Sorry to tintenstern, who requested it. I tried, I really did…it turned out bad.**

**So here's a request from Little Patch of Heaven for muse!Artie and artist!Alfred. He's a musical artist~**

**Title: **The Runaway

**Pairing(s): **USUK, of course, as well as implied AmericaBelarus and EnglandLiechtenstein. Yay for crack..?~

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Angst, Hurt/Comfort, some Humor, a bit of Friendship, and some Romance

**Dedications: **SnowGirl999, tintenstern, Chibirisu, Lovely Hikari, ., anyone who fav'd or alerted, and anyone who's still reading this…

**Inspiration: **The song 'Greensleeves'.

**Warnings: **Very long. Also, not much yaoi…but there'll be more in the next oneshot. Oh, and I wrote lyrics. If you steal them, I'll sic a team of lawyers on your ass. So DON'T STEAL MY LYRICS.

**Summary: **Alfred F. Jones, singer-songwriter, is in a slump. He has zero inspiration, and decides to take a little vacation to London, where he meets a young runaway who may give him the light to keep making music.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Greensleeves, I don't own the Canadian hockey team (though I'm on it in Lily Winterwood's Academy), and I do not own Hetalia. BUT I DO OWN MY LYRICS AND IF YOU STEAL THEM I'LL KICK YOUR ASS. (But if you ask nicely to _borrow _them, and give me full credit, then I might not mind.) Thank you.

Begin~

Alfred F. Jones, America's new big thing on the rise, was in a slump. He'd had no inspiration for a month, and at this rate, his career would be down the crapper faster than you can say "Olsen twins". And he could say that _pretty damn fast._

His brother had the brilliant idea of traveling abroad to see if he could get inspired. His manager suggested France, and his best friend said Japan, but Alfred wanted to go somewhere where he could actually understand what people were saying.

So he chose London.

He'd been there for two weeks, but so far all he had was…well, he didn't really have anything, really.

He figured McDonald's might give him some inspiration—it had on his first single, "Beautiful with a Side of Fries". (It was about his ex, Natalya, who he'd met at a Mickey D's. She'd threatened to castrate him with a plastic spoon and it all just fit together…until she moved back to Belarus.) So he'd frequented the burger joint across the street from his hotel. All of the cashiers had his order memorized by that point, and that sweet Hungarian girl even threw in a free McFlurry from time to time.

So far, though, he'd gotten nothing. He was considering just remaking something to pull in some temporary funds—maybe American Pie? He _really _liked American Pie—but then dismissed that thought. People would know he was quitting if he did that, and if Alfred was anything, it was someone who never quit.

"H-How much…can I get for 10 pounds?"

Alfred turned his head toward the row of cashiers. Standing there, sopping wet from the rain, was a boy of maybe sixteen with yellow hair and a large backpack. The American raised an eyebrow. Who was this kid, and why would he ask a question like that?

…Maybe he was a runaway? After all, those types always needed food, and a quick way to get it…

Well, if that was the case, Alfred certainly wasn't going to sit on his ass and do nothing. Leaving his food, he walked up to the seemingly distraught boy and put his hand on his shoulder. "Lizzie, get this kid my usual. And throw in a parfait."

The brunette cashier nodded and totaled up his order. After he paid, he picked up the kid's food and let him fill up his drink, then set the food down across the booth from his own meal.

"Why are you doing this?" asked the boy as he dug into his Big Mac.

Alfred shrugged. "I dunno myself. You looked like you needed help." He paused. "Are you a runaway, by any chance?" he added as an afterthought, remembering the reason he had bought the kid a meal in the first place.

The boy fixed him with a cold stare. "How did you guess…?"

Ah. "I ran away once myself. Of course, that was only a few months ago, I wasn't a kid like you. And the request was another dead giveaway."

The kid sighed. "Well, thanks anyway. I'm Arthur, Arthur Kirkland"

"I'm Alfred. Now eat up, your fries are getting cold." He didn't have to tell Arthur twice. "Also, I'm guessing you don't have a place to stay tonight." Arthur shook his head. "Tell you what. You can stay with me in the hotel across the street, but you have to give me your cell phone and wallet, including the contents."

"I _need _those—"

"Just as a precaution. We have a deal?"

Arthur nodded slowly, and Alfred's face broke into its first real grin in weeks.

After loaning Arthur some clothes, Alfred took the boy's cell phone and wallet. He couldn't have him running away again, after all, and he'd decided to call his parents to come pick him up once he was asleep. (He was amazed Arthur hadn't considered that he could do that.)

While Arthur was in the shower, Alfred looked through his wallet. Ten pounds, as well as a driver's license and school ID. There were also several photos, a few of people who were probably his family, and then one of a little blonde girl whose face just screamed "jailbait". Maybe she was his girlfriend…?

Suddenly, he heard whistling. He realized it was Arthur in the shower, but something about the tune…

_Oh runaway, where have you gone? You've left your friends alone~ They miss you and they want you back, you've got to run away home~. Oh, Arthur, you've acted stupid, you left the people who love you~. You've got to return to return to them or sadness will fall upon you~._

The American songwriter rushed to write the lyrics down. They weren't perfect, but with a few alterations…

_Don't run away, you're not going to solve your problems like that~. It's just going to get worse now, you've got to grow up and face it~._

Alfred usually wrote love songs…but this would work too. If the song made it big, maybe Arthur would hear it.

_Oh, Arthur, you've acted stupid, you left the people who love you~. You've got to return to them or sadness will fall upon you~._

_Oh runaway, where have you gone? You've left your friends alone~. They miss you and they want you back, you've got to run away home~._

Not a half bad song. He'd just have to write down the chords, improvise a little guitar solo, and he'd be set. But it would probably be a good idea to figure out the original song first.

He didn't have to wait long. Just ten minutes later, the teen emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and another on his head. "Hello."

"Arthur, what was that song you were whistling in the shower?" Alfred asked bluntly. There was no way getting around it.

"Huh? Oh, that was 'Greensleeves'. Or 'What Child Is This'. It's an old folk song, and it's stuck in my head…" Arthur blushed. "I-I mean, it's not like I like that kind of thing or anything!"

"Of course," Alfred replied smoothly. "Now, could you put on some clothes? Your towel's about to fall off."

"D-Don't look, you wanker!" He grabbed the towel and hitched it up higher. "Oh, bugger, I'll just go dress…" he muttered to himself when it started to slide again. He went behind the bed and put on some of Alfred's pajamas.

After that, there was an awkward silence as neither of them knew what to say. Alfred decided to confront the elephant lounging on the bed. "So why did you run away?"

"That's really none of your business," replied Arthur evenly. He picked up the TV remote and switched on the television. "Do you like Doctor Who?"

"No, but I think it is my business. I took you in, after all." He smirked. "And I got you food, and I loaned you clothes, and I—"

"I said it's none of your business," he said, more annoyed this time. He also ignored Alfred's apparent dislike of Doctor Who and started to watch it.

"What if I guessed, and you gave me a yes or no if I was right or wrong? Then it would be up to me to guess the right things."

"You're not going to give up on this, are you?" asked Arthur, growing very irritated. Alfred shook his head. "Fine. Ask away."

"Did you run away because of family troubles?"

"…Not really."

"School troubles?"

"No."

"Uh…'cause of jailbait here?" He flashed the picture he found of the blond girl.

"Her name's Lilli, and she's not jailbait! Sh-She's 17!" Arthur retorted. "Wait, what does jailbait mean again? You know what, never mind! Stupid American terms…" He paused. "And…to answer your question…yeah, I guess…"

"She your sister?"

"No."

"Girlfriend?"

"…Sort of."

"She break up with you?"

"She's _going _to…"

Alfred furrowed his eyebrows. "How would you know that/"

"She told me she's moving to Switzerland!" shouted Arthur. "And everyone knows long-distance relationships never work."

Oh…so _that _was how it was. "So you ran away to give her a taste of her own medicine, eh? Stupid move. This is just gonna piss her off and she'll threaten to carve your face into a jack-o-lantern and—wait. Never mind…"

Arthur gave him an odd look. "I can tell you're speaking from experience."

"Yeah, I—No. This isn't about me. This is about _you. _Look, what you _should_ have done was stay back wherever you came from and spent as much time as possible with her, and ended it happily. Now the rest of her time here will be bitter."

Arthur scowled. "I'm going to sleep. I don't need to hear this." He turned the TV off and rolled over to face the wall. "Goodnight."

Soon, Alfred could hear soft snoring. He opened Arthur's phone and found the contact labeled "Home" and called. He told the worried woman who picked up where Arthur was, and she said she'd pick him up at 8 the next morning. After that, Alfred went to sleep as well.

At 7:57 AM, our young British hero awoke to the sound of knocking at the door to the hotel room. He looked around, vision still foggy from sleep. He groaned at the lack of Alfred and knew he'd have to get the door himself.

When he got up, he saw his wallet and cell phone sitting on the table. He decided to pocket them, deciding that if the American was careless enough to leave them sitting out, he didn't deserve to hold them hostage.

Upon opening the door, he was immediately pressed into the chest of some sobbing woman, who held him there as she cried into his hair. "Arthur! Thank goodness you're safe!"

"Mum, I think you're suffocating him. Though, that might not be a BAD thing…"

"Oh, hush, Scott. You'll understand when you have children of your own."

"That's never going to happen, Mum."

"Yes it will! But we're not going to argue about this now." She released Arthur, and he staggered back a bit and caught his breath. "We're going to dedicate today to our darling Arthur!" Arthur's mother smiled down at him. Behind her, his older brother Scott was snickering.

"H-How did you find me? Did that wanker, Allen or whatever he called himself, did he tell you?"

"Yes!" she replied brightly. "He called us last night and told you we were here. Er, is he here?" She peeked in. "I suppose not." She shrugged. "Well, doesn't matter. Come, let's go home."

"But—"

"I know you may not want to, but you will, Arthur." His father had finally spoken up. "Now, let's go."

"Go on, Artie. Can't have you hanging around, I've got a plane to catch back to the States." Alfred suddenly emerged from the bathroom. "What worries me is the baggage retrieval system at Heathrow. I mean, it was good when I came, but…"

Scott laughed. No one else got it.

"Anyway, I gotta check out. I packed all your stuff. for you." He tossed the backpack to Arthur's mother. "And now I'm leaving." He slipped past the British family.

"Thank you for helping us find our son," said Mr. Kirkland. "If there's anything we could do to repay—"

"Nope, Artie covered that. He gave me what I came here for." He grinned. "Well, seeya!" He ran off to check out, leaving poor Arthur alone with his family.

"Arthur, you didn't…_shag_ that ma—"

"NO. God, Mum, you're so—"

"I-It's just the way he said it—"

"Mum, Artie doesn't need you butting into his sex life."

"SHUT UP, SCOTT."

When Alfred's flight landed in LAX, his brother was there waiting for him. "So, did you get inspired?"

Alfred grinned. "Yep! I've got the lyrics for a song all written out, just gotta write the music!"

Matthew was slightly shocked, but then he remembered that he _was _talking to his brother, after all. "What's it about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"This kid I met, a runaway named Arthur…"

2 WEEKS LATER, IPSWICH, SUFFOLK, UK

Arthur was grounded. He had been for two weeks, and there were still six weeks left. He was escorted to and from school (not like he cared about that anymore…Lilli had moved three days ago), and there were cameras on his window, and someone was always sitting outside his bedroom door. Worst of all, his parents had removed all of his books and his television, leaving him with just a radio.

"_And next up is the new single 'Runaway' by Alfred F. Jones. Lovely song, he was apparently inspired by an old folksong, see if you can guess what it is~ Here's 'Runaway'."_

As the guitar started to carefully pick out the notes, Arthur realized he was hearing the song that had been stuck in his head while he was with Alfred, "Greensleeves". But the song was called "Runaway"…it couldn't have been…

_Oh runaway, where have you gone? You've run off and now you're alone~. You left us and we want you back, you have to run away home~._

That voice…

_Oh, Arthur, you've—_

DID HE JUST SAY ARTHUR. WHAT THE FUCK.

That wanker…wrote a song about him? The nerve. It was infuriating, and…strangely touching.

Well, if he ever saw that American again, he'd have some words to say to him.

And maybe...not all of them would be bad.

**AN: And I finished it! Jeez, that was long. But I did it for you guys…I should be in bed right now, I have a piano thing tomorrow…I'.**

**Ahem. Anyways…**

**Like I said before, you steal my lyrics, I steal your money, your happiness, your soul, I'll even snatch your people up—wait, not that last one. **

**Oh, and if anyone caught the special little song/TV show reference I threw in there, tell me and I'll write something especially for you. You don't even have to be the first person, it'll just be a special bonus chapter dedicated only to those who got it. :D**

**Thanks for reading! Please, send in requests (when I say requests, I mean scenarios, or prompts. Seriously. Just a review saying, 'Can you write something to the prompt _?' is fine.) and I will write them! 'Cause I'm gonna be on a bus for 23 hours on the ninth and again on the fourteenth, 'cause I'm going to NYC, so send 'em in before then, and then I'll write them and post them over the rest of Spring Break. (Except on my birthday.)**

**Thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed.**


	15. Marketplace Blues

**Hey~ If you didn't read the last one because in the one before it I said it would be yuri…it's not yuri, so you should go read it. You might get the song/TV referene that no one got. Hint: it's something from Monty Python.**

**This is a lead-in to a request from thousands of years ago that was sent in by MataHari-Chan, and it's a sequel to Costermonger, the very first one. IF you don't remember what happened in that one…go back and read it, I'm too lazy to write a recap. :D**

**Title: **Marketplace Blues

**Pairings: **USUK, implied SuFin, and some PruCan if you squint~

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Romance, Friendship, Angst, some Humor

**Dedications: **tintenstern, Alphine, DancesWithCranes, SnowGirl999, MataHari-Chan, TheNinjaWangsta, Hana1225, Chibirisu, and anyone who fav'd or alerted~

**Inspiration: **That request from above from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

**Warnings: **The ending is angsty, but fear not! There will be a sequel! …in like a week and a half when I get back from NYC and my birthday is over…

**Summary: **Artie has returned to the market to see Alfred, but the boy has some misconceptions that Arthur doesn't do a very good job of fixing…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Douce France, or any of the pictures in this video, or even this computer. What would possess you to make you think I might own Hetalia?

Begin~

"Why did I come back?" Arthur muttered to himself. "Oh, why? I should have just stayed home.." This was far too difficult. For the life of him he couldn't find Alfred's cart. He thought he'd let his nose guide him (as the cart was between two large fish stands), but he'd gotten hopelessly lost. That was Roderich's job!

He'd have the Flying Mint Bunny or the unicorn find it for him, but he'd made them stay home. He didn't want to scare the poor boy (Alfred, of course) by talking to things he couldn't see.

By now he was tired, and after spotting a lemonade stand, he supposed it couldn't hurt to take a short break to get some sustenance.

"Er...one large lemonade, please," he told the vendor, an albino with an arrogant grin.

"Kesesesese, coming right up!" Arthur watched him get the drink fixed, and as he did so, someone walked up behind him.

"Gil, when you have a minute, I need two more. Al's going through them like crazy today, he must be worried about something."

"Here." The one who was apparently called "Gil" handed Arthur his lemonade and started work on the other two the person behind Arthur had ordered.

When the Brit turned around after paying, he came face-to-face with someone who looked just like the person he'd been looking all over for. "Alfred!" he exclaimed. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"W-Wait, I'm not—

I couldn't find your cart! You really should make it more visible."

"H-Hold on, I—"

"That's strange, your tan is lighter than before. Hm…" Arthur added, peering closer at the boy's face, which darkened.

"Um, actually—"

"Sir, you must be confused. This is Mattie!" said the albino. "By the way, Matt, here's your drinks." He slid two very large cups over across the counter.

"Thanks, Gilbert." He didn't pay Gilbert. Interesting. "If you like," he said, addressing Arthur, "I can take you to go see my brother."

Arthur gave "Mattie" a relieved smile. "That'd be great."

The boy, who told him his name was actually "Matthew", led him through the crowd and to the back of the vegetable cart, where its co-owner was sitting, gazing into the street forlornly.

Arthur coughed awkwardly, and Matthew announced, "Al, I'm back. Also, someone was looking for you. I brought him here…you don't _owe_ him anything, do you?"

Alfred turned around, and his face broke into an ear-splitting grin. "Artie!" He ran back to the pair and threw his arms around Arthur.

"W-What are you doing?" demanded a very uncomfortable Arthur. After all, he barely knew the kid, and he was _hugging him._

"You're late, Artie! Where have you been?" asked Alfred as he let the Brit go. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago!"

"I got lost, okay?" snapped Arthur. "And why did you just assault me like that?"

Alfred ignored him. "Mattie, this is the Arthur I was telling you about!"

Matthew nodded. "The one that likes withered cucumbers."

Arthur blushed. "N-No, I don't like them, per say, but I needed one, so…"

"Yeah. Okay. Right. Mattie, me 'n' Artie are gonna go walk around! So watch the cart, okay?" Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand and dragged him off. Arthur could see Matthew sighing to himself back at the vegetable cart.

"So Artie, what do you want to do first?"

"Stop…running…!" panted Arthur.

Alfred abruptly stopped behind a Spanish guy's tomato stand. Said Spaniard was chatting happily with an Italian who looked quite angry. "Huh?"

"L-Look…Alfred…y-you're a nice chap and all, but…what exactly do you want to do?" asked Arthur awkwardly.

Alfred beamed. "Hang out and stuff~ 'cause we're friends."

"Alfred, you sold—well, really _gave_—me vegetables and then told me to show up here for no reason whatsoever. How does that make us friends?"

The boy's smile dropped. "I…I guess…um…" His cheeks darkened. "Well, it's just, uh, you seemed really nice, so I just...I don't know. I saw you and I…immediately liked you? And I wanted to get to know you better…"

"O-Oh. Well…you seem very nice as well, but I think you went about this the wrong way, and—" He was suddenly interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. "Just a moment, sorry."

"Sure."

Arthur opened his phone. "Hello?"

"_**JERK ARTHUR!"**_ screamed the other end. Arthur pulled the phone away. "Mom and Dad—the ones that are just mine—are going on some weird retreat thingy and you have to watch me! Come pick me up from the airport!" And then they hung up.

The Brit scowled. Stupid little brother…he could have given him a little more warning, right? "I'm sorry. I have to go to the airport."

"Oh. Okay," said Alfred. "But, um…"

"Yes?" asked Arthur impatiently. Knowing Peter, he was sitting outside on his giant suitcase already…

Alfred kissed Arthur.

The Brit's entire face went red as he froze, unable to comprehend anything as the boy's lips pressed into his own. After a few seconds, Alfred pulled back.

"Nothing?" he asked. Arthur couldn't answer—he was still frozen. "Nothing at all?" At the lack of a response, the boy smiled sadly. "Well, sorry for wasting your time. See you later." He ran off, presumably back to his cart.

Arthur couldn't get that brief moment of contact out of his head, even as he yelled at his baby brother to stop changing the radio station in his car. He knew Alfred has assumed incorrectly—though it was faint, he thought he _had _felt something.

Now, how to tell Alfred?

**AN: Haha, scared ya with that page break just before the last paragraph + one sentence at the end there, huh? No, I probably didn't. *turns back to video* Ooh, GiriPan~**

**Okay. And remember, no one got the song/TV reference from the last chapter. I expected more of you guys. Honestly…(Hint: MONTY PYTHON)**

**One last thing. I got **_**so many requests **_**last chapter. It was great! Plenty, since I'll be on a bus 13 hours to NYC, and 13 hours back…BUT I STILL WANT MOAR. Raise your hand if you're suicidal~ *raises hand* Haha. But seriously. It is now 9:10 Central Standard Time. If I could have requests in before this time tomorrow, it'd be great, because otherwise, I won't get them until the fifteenth. (After we get back, I'm going to bed.)**

**That there above, that also means that I probably won't be able to reply to reviews until that time. Thank you for understanding~**

**I know there are probably errors all over this. I'll fix them…eventually…**

**Well! Thank you for reading~ I hope you enjoyed! **


	16. Just Your Average Coffee Shop Badfic

**Guess who only wrote two requests on the bus~ ! Haha…I'd just look at the list and BOOM! All my inspiration would disappear.**

**Whatever. Here's a request for DancesWithCranes, which I may have muddled just a tiny bit…**

**Title: **Just Your Average Coffee Shop Badfic

**Pairings: **Just USUK. Oh, and Satan with a vampire princess…

**Rating: **K+, maybe T..

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor, Friendship, RIDICULOUSNESS

**Dedications: **foreversnowynights, tintenstern, one Anon, Alphine, 123456789e, Little Patch of Heaven, SnowGirl999, ButterflyFlutterCry, TheNinjaWangsta, and Lovely Hikari, as well as anyone who alerted or fav'd~

**Inspiration: **The high amount of clichés, especially on that little website known as Quizilla. And the request for a cliché coffee shop scene, though I definitely took that the wrong way…

**Warnings: **Contains ridiculous amounts of clichés, and on purpose, too. Also, the bashing of a certain Canadian (MATTHEW, WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE?) who has his own DOCUMENTARY, of all things, out in theatres. Oh, and OOC, but also on purpose.

**Summary: **Oh no! Even though he's a boy, Alfred has been accepted into an all-girls' school. Luckily he's got his favorite waiter at his favorite coffee shop to help him, but what about that random arranged marriage he JUST learned about?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Skankin' Fool by The Uptones, I don't own Satan, and I don't own Hetalia. There ya go.

Enjoy~

One morning, a certain Alfred F. Jones woke up and went to school. But not just any school.

An _all-girls' school._

Why he would be going there is a mystery to us all, but like all random all-girls' boarding schools situated somewhere in either Canada or Texas (believe it or not, New York doesn't have enough room for all of them) there was a campus that stretched over several miles, and very little of it was dedicated to the actual school. (Why would it be when the whole point of high school is just to sit around and talk about random things no one would ever hope to care about? Preparing for the future was _so _middle school.)

On this campus, there was only one place where Alfred could ever feel safe from his rabid fangirls (one of them was Justin Bieber) and this place was the school's Starbucks. (Why he would ever feel safe there was another mystery, because _everyone_ was allowed to go there, but for some reason, no one followed him there. No, that would ruin the story, my sweet milkdrops!)

Today was a day when Alfred needed his coffee shop more than he usually did. You see, the night before, he'd found out that he was engaged to a vampire prince, who was also Satan's son, and also a mobster, and his twin Matthew's best friend, _and _his apparent step-brother.

So Alfred went to drown his sorrows in coffee (and maybe a little vodka if he bribed the barista—except Alfred was supposed to be the sweet, innocent hero…it was in the completely useless character description put before the actual story. So how did that work?)

I'm sure you're wondering why Alfred had chosen this abnormally large Starbucks as his happy place. (I am too—don't worry. I mean, why not his overly gigantic bedroom? [All boarding schools have bedrooms that are probably worth the same amount of money as a penthouse suite at a very nice hotel—didn't you know?] Well, whatever.) Anyway, the apparent reason for the location of his happy place was its single waiter, a boy named Arthur Kirkland.

Arthur and Alfred were the same age, though for some reason Arthur didn't attend school at the all-girls' boarding school, just sat at the coffee shop all day and played cards with the Belgian barista.

You see, Arthur was, as some say, "too cool for school", or some other nonsense. He was a smolderingly sexy bad boy who had stolen our hero's innocent little blood-pumper. Or something along those lines.

But you may also see, Arthur had a secret. He was _actually_ a vampire prince, and Satan's son, and a mobster, and the best friend of a certain Matthew Williams (though they hadn't actually seen each other in years), _and _the apparent step-brother of a Mr. Alfred F. Jones. (Squeal, I dare you.) And obviously, he was lusting after (because [angst warning LOL srsly] he was apparently far too evil to ever experience love as his father, Satan, had told him) that same Alfred F. Jones.

Yes, the story of this waiter/all those other things was tragic…good thing he was too preoccupied with being a waiter at a Starbucks in an all-girls' (and one boy) school to notice.

Or was he?

…

Meh, who cares.

Anyway, back to the story. Alfred's depressed because of his impending doom, a.k.a. the marriage to a complete stranger who is a lot of things that shouldn't exist.

He has now entered the coffee shop, attracting the attention of the vampire-devil-boy-man-thing that he didn't know he was going to apparently marry.

Said…thing noticed the glum air around the object of his affections. (At this part, I almost used horrible grammar in the dialogue, but almost started crying from the pain so didn't.) "Alfred, what's wrong?"

"I found something out that made me sad…" replied Alfred. (Well, no shit.) He sat down at his favorite table. "My parents told me that I'm, like, _engaged _or something."

Arthur was still across the room, so Alfred had to shout at him, meaning that everyone in the coffee shop could hear. Or, at least, they should have, but by the lack of any reaction whatsoever like is normal in the average human being, it appeared they did not.

"No way," breathed Arthur. "Me too! Weeeeeeeeird." He sat down next to Alfred (though it was mysterious as to how he got there so fast) and smirked sexily for no apparent reason, making Alfred blush.

"Haha, wouldn't it be funny if we got married to each other?" said Alfred awkwardly as a way to attempt to break the tension.

Arthur laughed. "Yeah!"

"But I bet you've got it easy! I have to marry some vampire-evil-mobster person who's like, my step-brother or something. I don't get it! MY PARENTS HAVEN'T EVER BEEN MARRIED TO OTHER PEOPLE. I'M SO CONFUSED."

Arthur laughed evilly to himself until he realized he himself was a vampire-devil-mobster person wit ha step-brother, one that he'd never actually met. Hmm…

What a truly _interesting _development.

**AN: And, there you go. My mockery of bad-fic. **

**Who liked it? Who didn't like it? Who thought it was a decent mockery of badfic? Oh, whatever.**

**Also, to anyone who's wondering about the conclusion to Costermonger, it's…coming. Slowly, but coming. Like (the rest of this line has been omitted due to high perverted content, and something about five meters).**

**Oh, Gilbert…**

**Anyway. *blush* Thank you for reading! **


	17. Escape

**Hahaha! I return from the depths of surgery to type this out to you!**

**It would've been up earlier, but…I wasn't supposed to type. That didn't mean I didn't, though, but mostly messages~ (You know who you are.)**

**Anyway, the next two will be the ending of Costermonger, but this is a little request from TheNinjaWangsta! Enjoy~**

**Title: **Escape

**Pairings: **USUK, and apparently the governor's daughterxEngland

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Friendship, Angst, a bit of Hurt/Comfort, and some Romance

**Dedications: **SnowGirl999, Little Patch of Heaven, foreversnowynights, Sora Nadeshiko, Alphine, TheEvilDreamer, tintenstern, DancesWithCranes, Chibirisu, HermesEternalLover, evil temari, TheNinjaWangsta, Hana1225, Maya-chan2007, and anyone who fav'd or alerted! (Dang, I got a lot of reviews last chapter. Awesome-sauce!)

**Inspiration: **The request, which called for criminal!Arthur and guard!Alfred, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Warnings: **Angst ahoy~ and mentions of DEATH. *gasp*

**Summary: **The Port Vargas militia has finally caught that scoundrel Arthur Kirkland, feared by all but one over the seven seas. And they assign his best friend, Alfred, to guard him…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Set Yourself On Fire by Stars (though I did use it as inspiration in a later oneshot), I don't own this manga that I'm reading that I'm going to leave the name out from, and I certainly don't own Hetalia.

**Begin~**

Today we find ourselves at the Port Vargas jail with its best guard and worst criminal. The guard's name is Alfred F. Jones, and he's been working at the Port Vargas jail since he was fourteen, hoping to become a real policeman. After seven long years, his dreams may come true…but only if he could keep that aforementioned worst criminal in his cell until sunrise.

This criminal's name is Arthur Kirkland, and he has been a marauder since he could wield a sword. He'd taken over his father's ship at the age of 15, and is feared over the seven seas by all but one person.

The only person who didn't fear the 22-year-old was his best friend, a person he had known since he was five. That person had only laughed at being threatened with Arthur's sword when they'd first met (Arthur's father had told him that if you want to learn to use a sword you've got to do it with a real sword), and then bested him in a mock fight. (No matter how much Arthur would train, he could _never _beat that boy.) Though their interests differed, they somehow managed to remain friends.

That was, until Arthur had taken over the ship. After that, he was constantly pillaging and fighting and traveling everywhere, leaving his friend alone to find a use for his abnormal strength—become a guard at the Port Vargas jail, and hopefully become a policeman.

"So. They finally caught you, eh, Artie?"

"Shut up. It wasn't like I was doing anything wrong."

"You _robbed a bank, _threatened to _kill General Edelstein, _and tried to seduce the mayor's daughter!"

"The money was for orphans, that general of yours has been taking the money meant for them and keeping it for himself. And _she _was trying to seduce _me!"_

"Yeah right. What would she see in _you?"_

"I happen to be at least decent-looking, you git. Unlike _some _people."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't know you were _that _stupid. Isn't it obvious?"

Alfred glared at the smirking man behind the bars. "I hate you."

"Feeling's mutual." Arthur rolled his eyes. "Now, could you let me out? I have orphans to help."

"Then stay right here. Then you'll be helping _me."_

It was Arthur's turn to glare at the man on the other side of the iron bars. "How can you say that so easily?"

"Meh. I accepted it. Mattie did too."

"Still bothers me."

"Do I care?"

Arthur was silent. Then he said, "Please let me out?"

"Nope~ When I become a policeman, I'll be able to buy a big house for me 'n' Mattie, and get him some new shoes, and maybe even that gourmet maple syrup when it's not his birthday, and—"

"You're willing to sacrifice my life for that?"

Alfred froze. "Your what?"

Arthur leaned back against the wall. "M'life. What, you think they're going to let me _go_ in the morning?" Alfred did not respond. "Nah, I'll be hung. You can watch, if you like."

The guard made a face, one that looked like a cross between upset and disgusted. "No! Why would you even say that? Who would want to watch their best friend get—"

"Best friend?" repeated the pirate incredulously. "I thought it was your decision to never lie…but a _best friend _would _never_ willingly confine his _best friend_ until hanging just for a _job—_"

"It's not about the job!" shouted Alfred, taking his turn to interrupt. "I'm doing this for Mattie! He's the only family I have, unlike _you! _You hate your older brothers, and never mind Peter! You don't even give a _shit _about—"

"Don't tell me who I give shits about and who I don't!" roared Arthur. He sprung up and crossed the cell, then reached through the bars to grab Alfred's shirt. He pulled him up and looked him straight in the eye. "If I really didn't care, I wouldn't have sent him to live with _you._ I knew he'd be safe with you! You should feel lucky to be the only person the feared Captain Kirkland trusts!"

"Please. If you trusted me, you wouldn't have to keep asking me to let you out. You should have _trusted _me to do it anyway, like I was going to!" He pulled himself away from the pirate and dusted his pants off. "Dumbass."

Arthur sat back down. "I'm…I suppose I'm sorry," he sighed.

"You should be." Alfred glanced at his watch. "It's 2:30. Now, come on out." He pulled out a key ring and opened the cell, then handed the keys to Arthur. "Lock me in, alright?" He walked to the back of the cell.

"Lock you in? But what about your—"

Alfred held up a hand. "You're the nefarious pirate Captain Kirkland. How could someone like me ever hope to hold someone like _you _captive?" He grinned. "I'm sure Francis'll understand."

Arthur jumped up. "Wanker! You don't have to do this for me!"

"Yes I do! And you have to do this for me!" he walked forward and grabbed Arthur's shoulders. "Please."

"Fine," replied Arthur. He quickly pressed his lips to his best friend's, then pushed him back into the cell. He slammed the door shut and locked it, then threw the keys into the far corner. "Good luck." He turned around and walked away.

"You too!"

**AN: Sorry if it's not as good as the other ones…I wrote it on a bus.**

**On the bright side, the ending to Costermonger is much better! I hope you're all excited for that, because it's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. It'll be up soon, I think…I just have to type it, and there's a lot to type…**

**There's a new poll on my profile I'd like you to take. You may have to read a bit of my profile, but..it's all worth it!**

**Thank you again for reading! :D**


	18. The Farmhouse

**Though I said I hoped to get this out over the weekend, that obviously didn't happen. I'm sorry…also, the 100 review special should be out soon as well. It's Harry Potter themed.**

**And I just remembered…NO ONE GOT THE REFERENCE FROM 'THE RUNAWAY'. Yeah. It was Monty Python, the song "I'm So Worried". Shame on you allllll.**

**Title: **The Farmhouse

**Pairings: **USUK, and that's it for this part, I think

**Rating: **K+

**Genre(s): **Romance, Humor

**Dedications: **tintenstern, TheNinjaWangsta, Maya-chan2007, XxKuro-koneko-nyaxX, foreversnowynights, SnowGirl999, MataHari-Chan, and anyone who fav'd or alerted.

**Inspiration: **Erm…well, I dunno. I guess the requests for more Costermonger…plus I like genderbending.

**Warnings: **There's a fem!Alfred (but don't worry, she's just Al's mom), and this is kinda short, and Artie gets forced into a dress. Oh, and I made Hanatamago a girl. DEAL WITH IT.

**Summary: **Arthur has decided to pursue Alfred, but when he finally finds out where to meet him, he's ambushed by the boy's mother and forced to do something no man ever would want to do.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own "Oh!" by Girls' Generation [SNSD], I don't own Kiss of Monochrome from Kuroshitsuji, and I certainly don't own Hetalia, though I shamelessly put the characters in embarrassing positions.

**Begin~**

Exactly one week after picking up Peter (and then sending him back, as his "parents" had to return from their trip early when their dog-sitter had called and told them their dog, who they had believed to be male for the longest time, was giving birth) Arthur returned to the market, hoping he could find Alfred again. He'd also brought every single fairy, unicorn, and obnoxious flying mint bunny (the last one had a head count of just one—her excuse was that she was too amazingly-spectacular-coolears to have others of her species) he knew to help him scout out the veggie cart.

Unfortunately, no one, magical or human, could find it. They'd managed to locate the two large fish stands (one was owned by some French girl with red ribbons, and the other by a Japanese man), but both owners told him Alfred and that other one whose name they couldn't remember hadn't shown up at all. The Japanese man had even offered him some tuna for his troubles, but Arthur had declined.

However, the girl was apparently a distant relative of the boys and she gave Arthur their address. "It's way out in the country, though, so if you spend to much time there you'll be driving home in the dark."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you." Then he felt it was common decency to buy some fish to thank her, so he did. (And then he ended up buying something from the Japanese man as well, because he was receiving many uncomfortable glares of jealousy.)

After looking up Alfred's address to get directions, he set off. The girl at the fish stand wasn't kidding—it _was _far out in the country, and it took him an hour and a half to get there.

When he pulled into the gravel driveway of the farmhouse, a black dog suddenly appeared out of nowhere and ran over to the side of his car. It started barking, and after Arthur nervously exited the car, it started to jump on him and try to lick his face.

"Ah! Stop it!" Arthur yelled, fecklessly trying to push the dog off.

"SAM! DOWN!" shouted someone with a woman's voice. The dog sat down meekly.

Arthur turned toward the source of the voice. "Thank you, Miss…?"

She grinned. "I'm Amelia. Amelia Jones. So it's Mrs. Jones to you!" Arthur noticed that she looked just like Alfred. She was probably his mother. "And who are you?"

"O-Oh, I-I'm Arthur. Arthur Kirkland," he replied.

She laughed. "The withered cucumber guy?"*

Arthur blushed. "…Yes."

"Haha! Great! So why are you here?" she asked. There was something about the way she was smiling that scared the crap out of Arthur.**

"I-I'm here to see Alfred. Is he he—"

"Oh, you're here to see my Alfie?" she said, interrupting. "Well, that's too bad. I'm not going to let you see him, and if you insist on trying to find him, I'll sic Sam on you." The dog perked up at the sound of his name. "So I suggest you leave, _Mr. Kirkland."_

"W-Why…can't I see him?" asked our very surprised hero.

"Well, you see, it's simple. You took my sweet baby's innocent heart and you bludgeoned it with your stupid withered cucumber until it was a pile of heart-scented pulp, which you smeared all over yourself as a goddamn cologne. I don't want him to be hurt more than you've already made him, so I'd like it if you just left."

"N-No, you don't understand!" protested Arthur, nervously glancing down toward the dog.

"What don't I understand?" asked Amelia, putting her hands on her hips.

"I didn't mean to…do all that stuff you just said I did! I was in _shock, _and I couldn't respond, and he didn't give me the time to snap out of it, and I would've gone after him but I had to go pick up my little brother at the airport!"

Amelia narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you."

"How can I make you believe me?" he asked desperately. By now, he was going to get mauled by a bear—sorry, dog—if he didn't try begging, so it was definitely worth a shot.

Amelia didn't answer. Instead, she grinned wolfishly before poking her head back inside her house and shouting, "Girls! I've found us a willing subject!"

Arthur paled. What was that supposed to mean?

The last thing he could remember was a lot of giggling and the sight of a pink and white dress before a funny-smelling cloth was pressed over his nose and mouth and he went unconscious.

When Arthur awoke, he was surrounded by girls. One was Amelia, and another was the girl from the fish stand, but the others were all unfamiliar.***

"He's awake!" squealed a brunette with orange blossoms in her hair.

"He is? Hey, he is!" said a cheerful Asian girl. She poked his cheek. "Hello!"

"Where…where am I?" he asked, moving away from the Asian girl. He sat up slowly and looked around. He saw that he was in a girl's bedroom, presumably Amelia's.

"You're at my house~" replied Amelia happily.

He turned his head to look at her. As he did, something hit his head. Something that felt like…hair. Hesitantly, he reached up and felt his head, slowly pulling his hands down.

Pigtails. Why were there gigantic pigtails?****

And his legs felt oddly cold. He glanced down, afraid of what he would see.

"A dress?" he exclaimed. "Bloody—why am I in a dress?" It was a _girly _dress, too, all pink and frilly and _**short.**_

"Because, _Alice,_" said a blonde girl with a red headband, "you're a girl. Silly goose."

"At least, for now," said a girl with long blonde hair that had a bow sitting on top of it.

"This is all part of Miss Amelia's plan!" said a tiny blonde with a blue ribbon on the side of her head.

"D-Don't worry! We promise it won't hurt or a-anything like that!" added a girl with short, platinum hair and a rather large chest.

"Nicole here will tell you the details~" said the girl he'd bought fish from, bringing a brunette with glasses and a loose braid forward.

She gave Arthur a cold stare that made him shiver. "You are masquerading as Alice Héderváry, Elisabeta's—" The brunette with the flowers in her hair waved to him, "—cousin. You will meet Alfred, seduce him, and then reveal yourself."

"…Why do I have to do all that? Why can't I just confront him dressed as, you know, a man?" asked Arthur, raising one gigantic worm—sorry, eyebrow.

"Because!" shouted Amelia, slamming her fist on a conveniently-placed table. "It's much more fun this way! And it's my revenge for taking my sweet baby's heart and—"

"Fine! Just don't say all that again."

Amelia smiled. "Very well."

*Withered cucumber guy is totes Artie's nickname now. It doesn't even matter what AU I'm doing, or if it doesn't make sense. I must…make a reference…in everything new… (though that won't happen.)

**D: She's been taking lessons from Russia! And when the commies and the capitalists unite…ohshitshitshitRUNAWAY!

***These girls, who will all be described shortly, are all members of the Yaoi Club~ (Well, except for Amelia.) If you want to see more of their misadventures, check out my new fanfiction "The Yaoi Club" and review it! Or just vote on the poll. Otherwise, it's goin' on a looooong hiatus. (And you should definitely read the other three new ones. They're all Hetalia, don't worry.)

****Because you're now Hatsune Miku. LOL, just kidding.

**AN: Sorry about all of those random notes…just a few things that came to mind while I was typing this. If you don't like them, I can get rid of them…**

**DUDE, I HAD TO RESEARCH WHERE TO PUT THE TICS ON LIZZY'S NAME. NO JOKE. Damn Hungarian last name…urgh.**

**Though, like I said before, PLEASE go and read the four new fanfictions I just posted. This is very important. It WILL decide the fate of the universe, because if you don't review, I will get so stressed out that I will take it out on the people around me, who will want revenge and then convince the leaders of other countries to nuke *fuzz as the name of where I live is hit by static*. I'm serious. So, um, go pick one. They're called "The Yaoi Club", "Why Us?", "Embers", and "On the Hunt", and I really hope you vote on the poll or review or something. It would be a great help, especially since it would keep a nuclear disaster from happening like in Ukraine or Japan.**

**Speaking of which, I've got to go write back to my new Japanese penpals, Mana and Yuka. Thank you for reading!**


	19. Of Harry, Hermione, and Those Gingers

**Here's that 100 review special I was talking about~ (only about thirty or forty late. But hey, whatever.) It's definitely not as good as the fifty review one…though I never thought I'd get this far. Whatever.**

**Also, I hope you've read or seen Harry Potter, or else this is all going to go over your heads.**

**Title: **Of Harry, Hermione, and Those Gingers

**Pairings: **USUK, implied FrUK

**Rating: **K or K+. It's pretty much as innocent as a newborn kitten.

**Genre(s): **Friendship, Humor, Romance

**Dedications: **Anyone who has reviewed the past 100+ chapters! Seriously, you guys are beasts. Amazing spectacular beasts.

**Inspiration: **Harry Potter~

**Warnings: **Lots of Harry Potter. Go read it NOW if you haven't.

**Summary: **Just a ship war between two friends, on whether Harry should have ended up with Hermione or Ginny…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Owl City's "Early Birdie", I don't own Lonely Island's "Like a Boss", I don't own JKR's Harry Potter, and I don't own Himaruya-sensei's "Hetalia". There. Are you happy now?

Begin~

Alfred asked, "Do you have anything else to watch?" You see, he and his friend were watching TV, and all that was on was Doctor Who, which Alfred was not the biggest fan of, for some reason.

"I've got Harry Potter and James Bond and Monty Python, and that's it. Which one?" asked the friend he was with, named Arthur.

"I haven't seen the sixth Harry Potter yet. Let's watch that."

"How have you not seen that?" grumbled Arthur, but he put the movie in anyways.

Alfred sighed. "I hope Harry and Hermione get together. They'd make such a cute couple."

"No they don't. Harry is _much _better off with Ginny, Ron's little sister." He though Alfred might need reminding since she was a bit more of a minor character until the sixth film.

"But Hermione has _totally _always been there for him!"

"Harry's a nice guy. He'll go out with Ginny and let his best friend have the hot girl."

"What if Hermione doesn't _want _to settle for Ron? What if she wants Harry?"

"Well, would Hermione really do that to Ginny? Ginny's her best girl friend, they're like sisters, and everyone knows she's been in love with Harry since she first laid eyes on him."

"Ginny can suck it up and cry to her brother."

"And then you think Harry would be happy? Knowing that he made an innocent little girl and most likely his best friend _cry?"_

"He'd have Hermione to vent to! Like I said, she's always been there for him." Alfred grinned, thinking he'd won.

"But what if Harry actually wants Ginny, and Hermione actually wants Ron?" asked Arthur.

"Well, that's BS, and it would never happen."

Arthur smirked. "We'll see about that." He pressed 'Play' on his remote and the introductory shot* soon began. "Though I _do _have to agree with you. Harry and Hermione should have ended up together, even if it makes more sense for Harry and Ginny."

Alfred's face lit up. "So does that mean you'll dump Francis?"

…

"…what?"

…

"Haha…I was just…

"Just kidding. Of course I will."

Alfred hugged Arthur, and all was right in the world.

* * *

…Except for with Francis, who was about to get dumped.

* * *

*Introductory helicopter nature shot~ (Bad guy at a safe distance.) Second helicopter introductory nature shot. (Bad guy at an uncomfortably close distance!) (turn) Careful, Harry, he doesn't have a nose! (etc.)

**If you got that there^ then you are awesome. If you didn't, look up LITERAL Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Trailer Parody. It's by Tobuscus, and it's awesome. Like, Prussia awesome. (FLEX!)**

**Anyway, I just want to thank you again for giving me so many reviews. I really didn't deserve this, and you guys were all just so amazing. I have over 100 reviews. Wow. Still in shocked happiness about this. *goes to check exact number* It's 135. ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE. DAMN, I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. *hugs***

**And since you're so awesome you should totally check out my four OTHER new stories 'cause they're pretty good too! Especially Embers. It needs some love. (MataHari-Chan, that was the one I was telling you about where everybody d-wait, don't want to spoil it any more.)**

**Well, thank you for reading, and reviewing! :DDDDDDDDDD**


	20. May I Have This Dance?

**Heeeeey! I've finally decided to type this! I mean, what? I…I was totally gonna type this a week ago, I just…didn't have time…yeah…But anyway, here it is! The long-awaited (okay, not really…I know you people don't really care…) finale to Costermonger! Waaaai! :D**

**Requests are going smoothly~ I'm almost done! There's just about three at the bottom of the page that keep staring at me and I'm like NO I DON'T WANT TO RIGHT NOW..but I will. Don't worry.**

**Here we go.**

**Title:**May I Have This Dance?

**Pairings: **USUK, and that's really it for this one…

**Rating:**K+

**Genre(s): **Romance, Friendship

**Dedications: **Maya-chan2007, tintenstern, foreversnowynights, The Scribz, SnowGirl999, Alphine, Hana1225, TheNinjaWangsta, Allthingsgeeky, and anyone who fav'd or alerted

**Inspiration: **Requests for Al and Artie to dance.

**Warnings: **Crossdressing, and you may imagine Artie without any pants. Wait, is that a bad thing?

**Summary: **Arthur is happily going to spend his afternoon with Alfred. The only problem is that he's currently in a dress, and he has to reveal himself before the day is out…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Elevator Love Letter, I don't own The Yatta Song, and I don't own Hetalia. They belong to Stars, Happa-tai Green Leaves, and Himaruya-sensei respectively.

**BEGIN.**

Suddenly, the sound of a door being opened and then slammed shut were heard, along with a "Mom! We're home!"

"There's Alfred now~ go on, _Alice._ Go see him," said Amelia, grinning like a fox. Arthur hopped off the bed and went to the door.

"Good luck, cuz!" exclaimed Elisabeta, waving. Arthur just rolled his eyes. Yeah, whatever.

He exited the room and saw a flight of stairs, which he descended. He turned right and came face-to-face with Alfred's twin, whose name escaped him.

"Who are you?" asked the twin*. Arthur struggled to smile cutely.

"I'm…Alice. Elisabeta's cousin." He tried to sneak past the boy, but he was blocked.

"I didn't know Liz had a cousin. I thought that would have been something she'd talk about." The boy narrowed his eyes. This girl…Alice…looked nothing like Elisabeta. She kinda seemed familiar, though…

"Believe it or not, I'm her cousin. Now, if you'd please excuse me…" He tried to slip past the boy again, and this time, he succeeded, and then ran straight into someone else.

"Whoa! Didn't see you there!" Arthur looked up. "Are you okay, Miss…?"

"Alice. And what's your name?" he asked, though he already knew the person's name.

"Alfred F. Jones, at your service!"

Arthur smiled again. "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Jones."

Alfred grinned. "Call me Alfred. Mr. Jones is my father." That girl was kind of cute. What did she say her last name was, again? "And what's your last name, Miss Alice?"

"Er, uh, Héderváry. I'm Elisabeta's cousin," she replied slowly, going slightly pink. "And so you must be Miss Amelia's son."

"That's me!" He nodded. "Is my mom here?" If she wasn't, he'd probably have to go all heroic kung fu on this girl for breaking into his house.

"I'm here!" called his mother from upstairs. How she had heard what he said, no one would ever know. Except her.

"Yeah. She's upstairs…she told me to come down and meet you." There was a muttered "What about me?" from the other boy, but Alfred and Alice chose to ignore him.

"Great!"

…

Awkward silence.

"Uh, do you want anything to drink?" asked Alfred.

"I'm fine," she replied.

…

More awkward silence.

"So, uh…how long are you going to be in town?"

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. I think I'm going home tonight at the earliest, or tomorrow morning," she muttered. "It all depends…"

"That's not long at all! Have you seen everything yet?" he exclaimed. The town wasn't very big, but it was still worth looking at!

"Actually, I…haven't really seen anything," she admitted.

"WHAT?" He slammed his hands down on the counter. "This needs to be fixed _right now! _Come on!" He ran over to her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her out the kitchen's screened door.**

For the next three hours, until about 7:30, he showed her every single building in town and introduced her to every single person that they met along the way. Eventually, though, Alfred ran out of people and places and they walked back to his house.

"Um…Alice?" he asked hesitantly. She looked over at him.

"Yes?" God, she was adorable. And also strangely familiar…

"There's actually one place left that you haven't seen."

"Where's that?" she asked. "I mean, I've seen your house—"

"Weeeeell, it's my barn. On Saturday nights, we hold a big dance-y thing there! Wanna go?" he asked.

"I-I…sure. Let's go."

They arrived at the barn at 8:00, and Alfred didn't leave Alice's side until 9, when he went to go get some drinks. While he was gone, Amelia approached her.

"You haven't done it yet?"

"No. But I will soon."

"You better~" she said, and then she disappeared into the crowd.

Seconds later, Alfred reappeared. "Sorry, the punch had Squirt in it…"***

"O-Oh, okay. Er, could we go outside?"

"Sure!"

They escaped out a side door and Arthur led Alfred out to behind the younger's house. "I have something very important to tell you. Well, maybe it would be better to show you…"

"What is it?" Alfred asked.

"Uh…" He grabbed one of his pigtails and tugged on it. The large wig toppled off of his head.

"…So you've got short hair?"

Arthur facepalmed. "You're a blooming idiot. Imagine me wearing pants."

"…Well, what's that supposed to do?"

Arthur facepalmed again. "I'm a _**MAN.**_"

"Okay—wait, WHAT?"

"Arthur. I'm Arthur."

Alfred blinked twice. "Wait. Arthur as in…"

"Withered cucumber guy."

Alfred smiled. "Ah. Sorry I wasn't there this week. Didja miss me?"

"Git. Why else would I have come?" replied Arthur, blushing.

The younger boy's grin widened. "Does this mean—"

"Yes." He glanced down and remembered he was wearing a dress. "Ah…could you get me some pants?"

Fifteen minutes later, after Alfred had loaned Arthur some of his clothes, the two sneaked back into the barn just as a slow song had started. In the corner of the barn they slowly started to circle. Alfred was leading.****

"So why were you dressed as a girl, anyway?" he whispered to the shorter man.

"Your mother and her friends forced me into it," replied Arthur. "They took my clothes and changed me while I was unconscious."

Alfred gave him an odd look. "…And why were you unconscious?"

"They used chloroform or whatever you call it on me," muttered Arthur angrily.

"I'm sorry. She can be a bit pushy sometimes…" He rested his forehead on Arthur's. "But don't worry about it. I'm sure that now that she has what she wants, she'll stop bothering you."

"I hope so," sighed Arthur.

"Well, her plan worked, didn't it?"

Arthur smiled. "Yes. It did."

And then Alfred kissed Arthur, and Arthur knew it was all worth it.

*That's Kuma's line! Silly Mattie.

**Well, at least she wasn't on his back and it wasn't a closed glass door that they thought was open…that would be far too much like the Twilight spoof.

***And everybody knows only Harry Potter likes that shit.

****I'm sorry. I just had to include UKe somehow~

**AND THE MONSTER HAS BEEN SLAIN. I don't know if you remember it, MataHari-Chan, but several years ago you requested for them to dance, and I said I could possibly incorporate it in a sequel to Costermonger. And there it was.**

**I think tintenstern requested dancing too. If so, then that kills two stones with one bird. (Just kidding, I'm not Chuck Norris.)**

**Anyway, thank you for reading! I'm considering just taking those four chapters out of the collection and turning them into their own story. Hm, I don't know. Probably won't, that would take too much effort. I'm so lazy. **

**Another thing. Does anyone have any idea what country/town this would be taking place in? 'Cause I mean, they use the pound, but there's also a very American countryside, complete with barns and hoedowns. So I'm confused, and I'm sure you are as well.**

**I hope you enjoyed~**


	21. It Runs In The Family

**NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, THIS TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER ONE. Which is why the title is what it is. The title is also a slight pun. See if you can figure it out.**

**Title:**It Runs In The Family

**Pairings: **SuFin, a bit of SealandLatvia if you squint, and some USUK as well~

**Rating:**K+

**Genre(s):**Uhh…Friendship, Humor, Angst

**Dedications:**MataHari-Chan, Rue-the-Marauder, Allthingsgeeky, tintenstern, XxKuro-koneko-nyaxX(dang, your username is hard to type), Little Patch of Heaven, SnowGirl999, and anyone who fav'd or alerted!

**Inspiration:**A request for a lost!Peter and a worried!Arthur. Yep.

**Warnings:**Uh…well, it's…just read the note. And, um…I made up a band. I don't think they exist. If they do, I'm sorry.

**Summary: **Peter doesn't like spending time with his brother, so he decides to go sleep over with his best friend instead! Where does he live, again…?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Tip of the Iceberg by Owl City, I don't own Come Sail Away by Styx, and I don't own Hetalia. There.

**Begin~**

"Y' h'v t' g' st'y w'th y'r br'th'r f'r th' w'k'nd," said Berwald, a rather imposing blonde man, to his adopted son Peter, who pouted. He _hated _his brother. Well, strongly disliked. _Very _strongly, mind you.

"But Jerk-Arthur'll just feed me bad food and hole himself up in the basement like he always does!" What did he _keep _down there, anyway? Dead bodies?

Tino shook his head. "We'd have you stay with Uncle Den—" Peter really had no idea why people called him that, as his name wasn't anything like it, "—and the others, but they were all busy. Would you rather stay with Eduard?"

Peter blanched. Eduard was nice, but he usually forgot to feed him, or even stock up on food, and he couldn't touch any of his computers since he'd accidentally given one a virus, and so he was always bored out of his mind. At least Jerk-Arthur sometimes attempted to spend time with him…

"Go and pack, then. We've leaving in the morning."

As Peter packed his clothes and other worldly possessions, he devised a plan. Once his brother left him by himself, he'd run away to Raivis' house. A perfect plan, if he did say so himself. And he did.

The next day, after his mom ("I'm a man!" he always said, but who cared) and dad dropped him off at the jerk's house, Arthur set out some tea and scones for him, and wouldn't leave until he ate some. After he finally _was _gone, Peter wasted no time in escaping.

About an hour after leaving Peter to his own devices, Arthur returned to see if all the scones had been eaten yet. They had been served on a special clear plate that could keep small or flat objects inside, as part of a magic trick. He had put the boy's early birthday present inside—three tickets to some band the boy liked, one for Peter, and the other two for his parents.

However, Peter was not there, and neither was the backpack he'd brought with him. None of the scones had been eaten, either, which briefly upset Arthur, until he noticed a scrap of paper that hadn't been there before.

_Jerk Arthur!_

_Staying with you is boring, so I went to Raivis's house! It can't be that far away!_

_-THE AMAZING PTEER_

Arthur cursed at himself. That little moron…Raivis lived in a completely different city! And—oh look, a PS.

_PS: Your cooking SUCKS! Those things you called scones were horrible, and you're the only one that can eat them! Why can't you understand that?*_

Little bastard. Arthur was going to wring his scrawny little neck when he got his hands on him…

But how would he find him? It had been an hour already…Peter could be curled up in a gutter, starving and cold, maybe even dead…

Peter was none of these things. In fact, he was quite happy and warm and well fed and _alive_, as he was sitting in a nicely heated McDonald's with a stranger who had found him crying and offered to buy him some food. Peter had ignored all the rules the many adults in his life had beaten into him and took up the stranger's offer.

He had begun telling the man everything from his strong dislike for his brother to his desire to see Raivis to his love of the band The Sealanders, when his cellphone rang. He flipped it open without bothering to see who it was.

"Peter! Oh my god, are you alright?" shouted Arthur. He had called Raivis and explained the situation, and the timid boy had given hi Peter's cellphone number.

"J-Arthur? How do you have this number?" shouted his brother. Arthur sighed with relief. That meant he was okay.

"Your friend Raivis told me. Peter, how could you run off like that? I've been worried sick!" he shouted.

"Yeah right! I bet you realized I was gone two minutes ago!" Arthur was silent. Well, yes, it _was _true, but—"That's what I thought."

"Just come home! How do you expect to get to your friend's house, anyway? It's a half-hour drive by car, and much longer by foot." There. That was solid.

"I gave up on that already." What? "Nope! I'm gonna stay with Alfred until Mom and Dad come back!" Wait. Who was Alfred?

"Peter, who—"

"_Hey, I'm Alfred! So, if I'm gonna take care of Peter here, can you tell me your address so I can drop him off when his parents come back?"_

Bullshit. This strange American wasn't—wait. "Are you going to bring Peter back now?"

"_Yes."_

"It's 234 George St."

"_Okay. Alright, thanks! Don't worry, I promise to take care of him!" _said Alfred cheerily just before hanging up.

And now, Arthur knew he just had to wait.

Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long. After juts a few minutes, a red Mustang pulled into his driveway. He ran out to greet it.

The driver was a man taller than Arthur with bright blue eyes framed by square glasses. He had golden-brown hair with a stray cowlick that stuck up in the front. He opened the back door for someone who stubbornly resisted getting out. The man pleaded and even tried bribing for a minute until Arthur came over.

"Peter, get out of the car."

"You can't make me!" yelled the boy. Arthur was starting to get irritated.

"Get out of the car _now _or I'll sell your birthday present for alcohol money." He narrowed his green eyes at his little brother, while the man raised an eyebrow.

"Doesn't that seem a bit harsh?" he asked. Arthur blushed.

"That's what my older brothers would do to me if I didn't listen to them!"

The man just laughed. "That doesn't mean you have to do it too!"

Arthur huffed. "What do you know about childcare?" he asked defensively.

"I'm a pediatrician, actually."

Arthur flushed. "L-Look, the issue here is that Peter needs to get out of your car, Mr…."

"Alfred F. Jones!" He beamed. "_Doctor _Alfred F. Jones to you, civilian."**

Arthur facepalmed. Really? This…conceited…_American_ actually called him that? O-kay…"Peter, if you come inside now, I won't do anything to your gift."

Alfred glanced back at the boy in the car. He seemed to be in deep thought. "…Fine! Okay!" He climbed out of the car and stood before his brother, hands on his hips. "What's my present?" he demanded.

Arthur smiled softly, something that shocked Peter. He dug something out of his pocket and handed it to his little brother. "Here."

The boy's eyes popped out of his head. "Tickets to see The Sealanders? How'd you get these?"

"W-Well, uh, I just, have, er, connections, I suppose.." muttered Arthur.

"Thanks, Jerk Arthur!" Peter threw his arms around his brother's stomach. Arthur awkwardly hugged him back.

"Y-…You're welcome." He turned to Alfred. "Thank you for not molesting him or anything."

"Well, how would I live with myself if I did that? I save people, I don't molest them."

"Heh. I suppose that makes sense."

"Arthur! I want to call Raivis and my mom and dad and you have to help me give proof! C'mon!" Peter let go of his brother just to grab his wrist to pull him into the house.

"Uh…hope to see you again!" Arthur called.

"Yeah, definitely!" replied Alfred happily.

He'd have to make sure of it.

* * *

_*_Notice how the PS is longer than the letter itself? Silly Peter.

**I felt this would be a good line. It's very Alfred-y, at least to me.

**AN: LOL, THIS FAILED. Seriously. Horrible freaking fail. GRRRR.**

**I'm sorry, DancesWithCranes, for this horrible thing that shouldn't have been typed up. Truly sorry. *bows several times* Sorry sorry sorry.**

**Next is either a request from tintenstern or MataHari-Chan, I haven't decided yet. But thank you for reading! **


	22. Must Not Make This Awkward

**It's me again~ First off, I want to apologize for the crappy spelling and grammar from when I first published the last one. :'D I'd forgotten to check it. But it's fixed now!**

**Also, in other news…this is ending soon. I'm just going to finish up with the requests, and then it'll be over. But that'll take awhile. Eh. There are many reasons, one of them possibly having to do with a request for MataHari-Chan that I'm still mulling over…BUT THE PARTICULARS ARE SO STRANGE YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT.**

**Alrighty then!**

**Title:** Must. Not. Make. This. Awkward.

**Pairings: **Implied PruCan, GerIta, RoChu, and USUK. Ah, and fake EnglandxSeychelles.

**Rating:** K+

**Genre(s):** Humor, Friendship, Family, Romance, Angst

**Dedications:** The Scribz, foreversnowynights, Maya-chan2007, Veldargone, Hana1225, tintenstern, Alphine

**Inspiration:** A request for matchmaker!Artie and high school ex!Alfred. Yep.

**Warnings:** Awkwardness, and a badly-written scene outside of Artie's house.

**Summary: **Arthur has been forced into a blind date by a group of his former clients. They think he needs romantic help or something. Pfft. What the—oh god, is that who…oh no.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own What A Catch, Donnie by FOB, Empire by Jukebox the Ghost (though I'm considering making an AMV to it), and I don't own Hetalia. All I own is this crappy keyboard that I spilled Pepsi on yesterday so now the backspace key sticks. Dammit.

Begin~

"Mattie~"

"MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN PANCAKES.*I'm going out with Gilbert," huffed Matthew. His brother, Alfred, ran out of his room and pouted at him.

"But Mattie I'm hungry! What am I supposed to eat?" he whined.

"I don't know! There's food in the fridge, you can make yourself a sandwich or heat something up." He grabbed his coat from a hook and put it on. "I really have to go now." He slipped away from his brother and out the door.

Matthew had been lying. He _wasn't _going out with Gilbert. No, he was meeting with some friends of his, and Gilbert said he might come.

Matthew and his merry friends had decided to band together to convince the person who had originally set them all up with their significant others to go on a blind date with the one person they believed suited him.

That person was a professional matchmaker and person friend of Matthew's. His name was Arthur Kirkland. Though he was an expert on finding love for others, he was too blunt to ever get past a single date for himself.

As Matthew and all of Arthur's other clients were happy, happier than they had been with any other person, they felt paying Arthur with their money alone wasn't enough, and when Matthew told them how unlucky Arthur was with love and that he knew just the person to set him up with, they insisted on helping.

So, they were all getting together to mob Arthur and force him into a blind date with someone they all thought would be a good match for the matchmaker.

After meeting up for lunch to discuss their plan, they drove over to Arthur's house/office. They had planned to just knock and wait for him, but one in their number was feeling slightly impatient and broke the door down with a water pipe he had with him. He didn't say why he had it, just that it was for a "just-in-case" situation.

"Aiyah, you always do this, aru…now he'll never do what we ask!" muttered the Chinese partner of the door-breaker.

"Yes he will~ or he'll turn out just like that weak little door, da?"

"Ivan!"

"What the—bloody hell! What in blazes did you do to my front door?" screamed Arthur. His eyes turned to Ivan, who was smiling with a pipe in his hand and splinters in his hair. "You! What—why—"

"Ve~ Arthur!" cried the Italian who was with them. Arthur looked absolutely livid at being interrupted. "We have something important to ask you!"

"What is it, then? Go on, spit it out!" snapped the British man. The Italian squeaked and cowered behind the burly German, who just sighed.

"A-Arthur," murmured Matthew, "we just wanted you to thank you for being so helpful with our lives. So we wanted to h-help you with yours, so we set you up on a-a date…"

"I-I'm perfectly fine! Besides, you're all amateurs. The likeliness of this being a good match is—"

"Trust us, we know what we're doing," said Matthew, beginning to smile. "It'll work. I'd bet my maple syrup collection."

"You collect maple syrup…?" asked the aforementioned burly German slowly. Matthew chose to ignore him.

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his already messy blond hair. "Could you at least tell me who it is?"

"Nope~"

"Will you get me a new door, and put it in for me?"

"Da~ it will be done by tonight."

"Just go to Le Petit Chaton tonight at 6:30p, okay, Arthur?"

The Brit nodded.

When Arthur arrived at the (bloody stupid French) restaurant at 6:30, the brunette maitre d' with a braid immediately took him to a table without even asking his name. "Such sourcils…has to be him…" she muttered as she walked away.

Several minutes later, as Arthur was playing the "I wonder what kind of food this _actually _is" game with the French menu, the chair across from him scraped back and then forward, indicating someone had sat down across from him. Arthur peeked out to see if he knew who the person was, then immediately hid himself again.

Oh, Matthew was going to _get it. _

"So, who're you?" asked the person curiously. "Mattie just said it was someone I'd like, but I can't tell who you are 'cause your menu's up!"

Arthur gave a nervous little laugh. "W-Well, who are you?" he asked nervously, trying to fake an American accent. Damn, it sounded really bad!

"Alfred F. Jones, at your service!"

God _dammit._

"So who're you?" Alfred repeated. "I mean, I'll see eventually, but it's kind of rude to just keep your menu up like that…"

Oh, that was _it. _Arthur dropped his menu. "I'm a bloody gentleman**, not rude at all, unlike _you!"_

Alfred's face went from slightly peeved to full open-mouthed shock. "…Artie?"

Arthur huffed and crossed his arms. "Yes, it's me."

"Wow! I haven't seen you since…"

"High school," replied Arthur shortly. He really didn't want to talk about that unfortunate period of his life.

"Yeah, when we broke up and you ignored me for the rest of senior year."

The Brit's face darkened. "Yes. It would have been at about that time," he said evenly.

"Yeah…" Alfred got a faraway look in his eyes. "Well, that's all behind us now, isn't it? We're adults. W-We can still be friends, right?"

Arthur nodded slowly in response.

"Great!" exclaimed the American happily. Arthur's face darkened, and he wanted to smack himself for it.

The rest of dinner actually went quite smoothly. Arthur only had the urge to strangle Alfred twice, and Alfred managed to keep himself from jumping the Brit right then and there. (He supposed it was the French in him.)

Finally, during dessert, Alfred thought the tension had been relieved enough to ask, "Why _did _we break up, anyway? I honestly can't remember."

"Hm…oh yes, I think it was because Francis told me he had seen you…with Chelle."

Alfred gave him a blank stare. "Chelle is my cousin, Arthur. And since _when _did you believe a word Francis said?"

"Wait, she's your _cousin?_" asked Arthur incredulously. "Then wouldn't that be in—"

"NO. Arthur, Francis lied to you. I would _never _do that with her—hell, I'd never do it with anyone who wasn't y—…" He paused. "Sorry. That was a little out of line…"

"I-It's fine…"***

They picked at their crème brûlée awkwardly.

"So I guess that was all just a big misunderstanding back then, huh?" asked Arthur. Alfred stared at him. "And it was all the frog's fault, too…stupid bloody frog…"

Alfred cracked a grin. "Maybe we could beat him up next time."

"…I think I'd like that."

EXTENDED ENDING

"Wait a second. Isn't this where Francis works?"

"Hm, maybe we won't have to wait until next time…"

"I guess not."

"…Nah, let's just beat him up twice."

"Artie, he's my other cousin!"

"I don't care~"

*You have no idea how fun it was to write this line.

**What a contradictory statement.

***They rhymed…and that rhymed with them sort of too I guess okay it didn't…

**Here we go~ that was one of those requests that I still need to finish. I've got four left, or so…and then there's a couple extra that WEREN'T requests, including a supa angsty one that I wrote around the same time as Postprandial. IT'S SO ANGSTY YOUR EYES WILL FALL OUT FROM ALL THE TEARS.**

**Nah. I give myself too much credit. It's not **_**that **_**bad.**

**In other news, your homework tonight is to watch Paint It, White and the MAD called "Lion". You can find it by searching APH 001 on YouTube, I think. WATCH IT. I COMMAND YOU.**

**Now that that's overwith, thank you for reading~ I hope you enjoyed!**


	23. A Doctor And His Nurse

**Hey, it's me! Where have I been? Well, I'm not quite sure. I went to sleep, and then I woke up, and then…it's all a blur. A BLUR, I TELL YOU.**

**Title:** A Doctor And His Nurse

**Pairings:** USUK, some implied possible or maybe meddled FrUK

**Rating:** T

**Genre(s):** Friendship, Humor, Romance

**Dedications:** Anyone who fav'd, alerted, or reviewed. I got tired of writing them down…

**Inspiration:** Corny doctor shows.

**Warnings:** Mentions of sex poems, and the fact that they could be watching just a regular show, or something else just as common that you have to get on Pay-Per-View…

**Summary: **Alfred and his favorite nurse discuss what to do after a successful surgery, and why murder is bad.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Window Bird by Stars, I don't own PokeFarm, and I certainly don't own Hetalia. There.

**Begin~**

"_The surgery…failed, Nurse," said the doctor solemnly._

_The blonde, buxom nurse gasped. "No! What will we tell the boy's brother? He's the only family he's got—"_

"_I know," sighed the doctor, interrupting. "I'll have to do it. It's the least I could do."_

_The nurse nodded. "Doctor Smith…"_

"_Nurse Johnson…"_

"Ugh. This is gross. Don't you have anything better?" complained someone who was also a doctor, though he was Dr. Alfred F. Jones, _not _the aforementioned "Dr. Smith". "I mean, it's completely unrealistic. _I _don't make out with _my _nurses when _I _fail a surgery." He grinned. "Though I do get offers when I _succeed..."_

"Oh, shut it, you insufferable moron," snapped Dr. Jones' best friend and favorite nurse, Arthur Kirkland. ("MEN CAN BE NURSES TOO.") "That was _one time,_ and I was _drunk."_

"Sure you were."

"I WAS, OKAY? And you were the _sober_ one that actually _accepted _the offer!"

Alfred just laughed, his best defense against embarrassment. "Whatever. _You _liked it."

"And you liked it more, enough to get all—ugh—handsy and disgusting."

"It's the French in me! I can't help it!"

"Right. I suppose that explains those flowers I got every day for a _week _after that."

"…Artie, those weren't from me…"

Arthur snorted. "They had your name on the cards, and these ridiculous love poems—well, more like _sex _poems, but you get my point!"

"…I don't remember sending you sex poems, Artie."

"Then who did?" Arthur crossed his arms.

Arthur frowned. "I don't know. But whoever it was, I'm going to kill them…"

"What? Why?" asked Arthur.

"NO ONE SENDS MY ARTIE SEX POEMS EXCEPT FOR ME."

"DAMMIT, I'M NOT _YOUR ARTIE." SMACK._

"Ow…Artie, that hurt…"

"Good." Arthur sniffed.

"Hey, you know who I think sent you the sex poems?" asked Alfred a few minutes later. "Francis."

Arthur shrugged. "I suppose that makes sense. Especially since he kept asking me if I liked poetry and flowers just before they were sent…"

Alfred whipped out his phone. "That settles it. I'm setting a reminder to murder him in his sleep for myself right now."

"As much as I'd adore you for doing that, I'm afraid you'll be sent to jail for murder," said Arthur dryly. "And that's not worth it. Well, wait, let me think about it for just a second." He considered the pros and cons or murdering the Frenchman. "Hmm…no. I don't want you to go to jail."

"Because you care about me?" asked Alfred happily.

"No." Alfred's face fell. "It's because I would be reassigned to Antonio, who I hate."

"So you don't care about me?" asked Alfred, sounding slightly depressed now.

"I never said that," muttered Arthur. "I just said that wasn't why."

"Is that your weird, tsundere way or confessing, Artie?" squealed Alfred. He grinned when the Brit started to blush and stutter. "Well, I like you too!" He tackled his nurse.

"G-Geroff me!"

"Nope~"

"_Doctor, congratulations on the surgery! I have a special treat for you…" _(Apparently in the space of a few minutes, the doctor had performed yet another surgery.)

Alfred turned the television off with the remote. "That doctor has nothing on me," he whisperd to Arthur. "And now I'll prove it to you…"

**It just goes to show you, true friendship is two friend sitting and watching doctor on nurse porn together. *shot***

**AN: So there you have it. I'm sorry I was gone for so long, and I'm sorry I'm failing at making up for it with this piece of crap, which was originally part of the last special, but then they changed so much I split them up.**

**Um. What else was I gonna say. Oh yeah. Go to PokeFarm, and if you join, then say Lydiacatfish recommended you. I get stuff if you do. And you love me, right? Right? *crickets* I'm not surprised at all…**

**Thanks for reading~ I hope you enjoyed!**


	24. Coffee And A Donut

**Been awhile, huh…*glances around and sniffs* I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG. Really. I just sort of forgot for awhile, and there were finals, but school's been out for a week or so now and I don't have an excuse anymore. Huh…**

**Title:** Coffee And A Donut

**Pairings:** USUK is really the only one this time…and it really is this time!

**Rating:** K+

**Genre(s):** Humor, Friendship, Romance

**Dedications:** Anyone who reviewed, fav'd, or alerted, because I'm not going to write them all down anymore…oh, and the requestor, named…um…DancesWithCranes. Found it.

**Inspiration:** Well, the request…oh, and I suppose this is also sort of another one by DancesWithCranes, who asked for a cliché coffee shop. I hope we all remember that.

**Warnings:** Fluffiness. To the EXTREME! (I will love you forever if you get that.) Oh, and a crappy summary.

**Summary: **Alfred just wants a donut! With his coffee, which is a lot less black than black coffee…that poor waiter of his, having to work so hard to get that donut for him.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Buono Tomato Song, I don't own Like A Boss (they say "like a boss" 44 times during that song) by Lonely Island, and I don't own Hetalia. Why would you think I owned any of those things, anyway?

**Begin.**

"One coffee, please. Black. Oh, but wait, add lotsa milk and, uh, five sugars. And a donut." The blonde man smiled cheekily at the one taking his order. His nametag said, "Hi, I'm ARTHUR", but he seemed like the type of person, who, if introducing themselves, would say something more along the lines of, "Hello, my name is Arthur. My full name is Arthur George Kirkland. You'd better pay attention, it'll be on the test!"*

"We don't serve donuts here," said Arthur, who was already having a bad day, and he just hoped this idiot would refrain from pressing the issue.

"What? No donuts? But why not?" Obviously, Arthur's wish would not be granted. "I mean, donuts are only the greatest delectablest yummiest food in the whole world! Besides hamburgers, that is," he added as an afterthought. "So why _wouldn't _you serve them here?"

Arthur sighed. "Our cook doesn't like frying things, so—"

"But donuts aren't _fried!"_

The waiter glared. "Yes, they are. And I'm sorry, but you won't get a donut, even if you continue to argue with me. We just don't have them."

The customer sank into his chair. "Fine," he mumbled, "just the coffee, then."

Arthur nodded. "Alright. It'll be to you in a few minutes."

"Okay…"

The next day, the same blonde with cornflower eyes appeared at the café. "Coffee, lots of milk, five sugars, please."

His waiter, a Chinese man with a ponytail, nodded. "Will that be all, aru?"

"No. I also want a donut."

The Chinese man stared at him for a few seconds. "We don't have those, aru."

The customer pounded his fist on the table. "Dammit! You didn't yesterday, either!"

"We've never had them—"

"No, no! I came here once and I ate the most delicious donut EVER! Now, WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE DONUTS?"

The Chinese waiter threw his hands into the air. "Aiyah! I can't deal with this, aru! Arthur, get over here, aru!"

The man's previous waiter, Arthur, strode over. "What's wrong, Yao?" he asked tiredly.

"_He,_" Yao pointed to the customer, "keeps asking for a donut. He says he ate one here once. _You _deal with him." Yao marched away in a huff.

"I want a donut," mumbled the customer.

"I told you yesterday, we don't sell those here."

"B-But, I came here once, and I ate one!" protested the customer.

"When was this?" asked Arthur.

"Um…let's see, I was seven, so…15 years ago, I think?"

Arthur sighed, and sat down across from the customer. "That was then. This is now. Back then, my mum was the chef. Now it's a Frenchman who thinks he's god. I'm sorry, but you're not getting a donut."

The customer's face fell. Arthur almost felt _bad _for him. After all, he still got one of his mum's donuts every morning for breakfast.

"Can you make me a donut then?" asked the customer.

"M-Me? Why me?" asked Arthur, flushing. The customer smiled.

"It's _your _mom, right? So you can just get the recipe from her!"

"Actually, I'm not allowed in the kitchen." Which didn't make any sense, as he was a perfectly good cook!

"That's too bad. Well, I guess I'll just have my usual, then, Artie."

"That's not my name!" But he got him the coffee anyway.

This sort of sequence repeated for several weeks. The customer, whose name was Alfred, would come in at about 8:37 AM, ask for a coffee with lots of milk and five sugars and a donut, and Arthur would calmly explain to him that they did not sell donuts. One day, however, Arthur accidentally mentioned Alfred's donut ordering to his mother, and she insisted on making Alfred a donut, which she then forced Arthur to take with him to work.

"The usual, please, my coffee and a donut."

Arthur swallowed. "Coming right up." Alfred looked confused, but Arthur shuffled away before he could ask any questions.

Several minutes later, Arthur reappeared, holding a steaming cup of coffee and a small plate with a heated-up donut on it. "Here."

"A donut…?" asked Alfred slowly. Arthur nodded. "But…but you don't serve these here! You said so yourself!"

"My mum insisted I bring it to you since you always ask for them."

"Th-Thanks! Wow, this looks delicious!" He picked up the donut and bit into it. "Thish ish amazing. Oh my god. Fank you, Artie."

"Yes, yes, you're welcome. Now, I've got other customers—"

"Thank you!" Alfred said again, throwing his arms around Arthur's apron-covered middle. The waiter blushed profusely.

"G-Get off me! And the one you should be thanking is my mum, not me—"

"Then where do you live?" asked Alfred brightly.

Arthur sighed. "I'll just take you there myself. I get off at eleven, that's still about two hours, so why don't you—"

"I'll wait here!" chirped the donut-lover.

"Fine, fine…"

So, two hours later, Arthur drove his bet customer over to his house so said customer could thank said Arthur's mother for her donut. When they arrived, said mum was already preparing said donuts for the next morning. "Oh, hello, Arthur. And…guest."

"My name's Alfred. I'm the one Arthur brought the donut you made to." He smiled politely and shook Arthur's mother's hand.

"Ah, I see."

"I just came to thank you. That was one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten."

"Then thank _you!"_ said Mrs. Kirkland. "I'm glad you liked it. I was just making some more, would you like one?"

Arthur saw Alfred's mouth start to water. "Yes, please."

Several dozen donuts and 7 pots of coffee later, Alfred was very happy, and also very hyper.

"Artie Artie Artie! These donuts are the best! The best the best the best the best the BEST!"

Arthur nodded. "I know. You've been saying that for the past hour and a half, Alfred."

"And this COFFEE! Oh my god!"

"I know, Alfred."

"Your mom. Wow, I wish I had your mom. Everything she makes is like, gold! AMAZING."

"Uh, I'll tell her you said that…"

"And that includes you! You're so nice, Artie~"

"Uh-huh—wait, what?"

"I wonder if you're as sweet as the donuts~" Alfred grinned. "Could I have a taste?"

"Wh-What?"

"That wasn't a no~" He tackled Arthur to the kitchen floor. "Now, where would I get the best taste?"

"How the hell would I know?" shouted Arthur. "Now get off of me!"

"Not without a taste~" He pressed his lips onto Arthur's, silencing his protests. Arthur blushed as a tongue ran over his lips slowly. Alfred then grinned and stood up.

"Very tasty~"

"WHAT THE _HELL _IS WRONG WITH YOU?" screamed Arthur. Alfred just giggled and grabbed another donut.

"I have to go to work now~ Bye!" He waved at Arthur before disappearing out of the kitchen.

The next morning, when Alfred asked Arthur for a donut, he didn't get one. When he asked if he could have something else sweet, he got a slap in the face. However, when he decided to simply _take _that something sweet he'd had the day before, he was pleased that Arthur barely complained.

*If you don't get this…I am very disappointed in you. Very disappointed.

**AN: I know it's bad. Shut up.**

**Only a few more of these left…my apologies to these people whose requests I could not fill: tintenstern, Little Patch of Heaven, ButterflyFlutterCry, and that nice Anon who did give me a request. Well, maybe I'll fill them, but it'll take a loooong time. I have other things to focus on now, like five or six other stories. Four of them I've posted parts of…one of them I'm still outlining…the other one I'm also still outlining, but it's probably going to be original. Finally.**

**Ah, but I'll give you a hint on the last one I'll post: it'll include various Americas and Englands you haven't yet met. A pair or two will probably piss you off…heh heh heh.**

**Thanks for reading~ I hope you enjoyed!**


	25. STALKER

**There's only about three left. This, and then the next one, and then that special one after that…yeah. **

**I like this one. It's a lot longer than I thought it was going to be…oh, gosh. Well, whatever. **

**Title:** STALKER

**Pairings:** fem!USUK, onesided!RusBel, some onesided FrUK, and perhaps a hint of Francex?...

**Rating:** T, for safety

**Genre(s):** Romance, Friendship, Humor, Angst, Drama

**Dedications:** The like, four people who reviewed, and then the nice people who alerted or fav'd. I love you guys. Oh, and the requester, MataHari-Chan.

**Inspiration:** The request for "Amelia having a crush on punk!Arthur where she stalks him", or something along those lines.

**Warnings:** Stalkage ahead, as well as France being his usual fanon self and an unusual friendship between two unusual people. Ah, and cookies in place of an answer to a question. And—I'll stop now.

**Summary: **Amelia's mission is to just talk to him. Just to talk. Of course, there was that fear that he might be scared of her since she was sort of stalking him…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Technicolor Phase by Owl City, I don't own The Hobbit (or, There and Back Again) by J. R. R. Tolkien, and I certainly don't own Hetalia. How many times do I have to say this? Really? Gosh…

**Begin~**

Amelia Jones sighed happily as she opened her locker. It was decorated with pictures of the boy she was infatuated (see: obsessed) with. He had green hair, piercings everywhere, and a permanent scowl etched into his gorgeous face. His name was Arthur Kirkland.

Though she loved him more than anything, she was almost certain he had no idea she was there. Sure, she'd sent him some (many) love letters, and chocolate on Valentine's Day, and various things on his birthday, and…well, you get the point—but that didn't mean he returned her feelings!

Unrequited love, she'd decided (as all girls do), was a bitch.

Well, at least she had someone to sympathize with her. Her name was Natalia Arlovskaya, and they'd met peeking around the same corner at the objects of their desire. Natalia's was a boy named Ivan, who was her step-brother or second cousin or something. But she loved him just as much as Amelia did, except _she _actually had the guys to confess her feelings, whereas Amelia was too afraid of rejection.

But today…today she would have to at least _talk _to him. Even if all she said was—

"Hello." Amelia jumped, and slammed her locker closed on reflex. "Oh, relax, it's just me," said the voice irritably. Amelia turned around. Ah, just Natalia. Well, that was a relief.

"Hi, Natalia." She opened her locker again to grab her things. "How're you?"

"Just fine, thank you for asking," replied the blonde girl stiffly. "Ivan said good morning to me on the way to school today."

Amelia smiled. "That's great!"

"And what of your Arthur? Have you spoken to him yet?"

Our blonde heroine grinned, a determined gleam in her eyes. "I'll do it today! I know I will!"

Natalia rolled her eyes. "Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks!"

Three periods later, just before lunch, Amelia was waiting outside Arthur's classroom as usual. She liked to watch him exit and then follow him to the lunchroom, two spots behind him in line. However, today, as soon as the bell rang, said Arthur ran out of the classroom and shoved Amelia out of the way to hide between her and a trash can. "Cover for me!" he hissed. Amelia, though shocked, managed a nod.

A few seconds later, a French boy emerged, one that Amelia knew very well, as they were cousins. When he spotted her he grinned and walked over.

"Amelia, mon chaton! Have you seen a boy with green hair and hideous sourcils come by here?" he asked.

"I think I saw him go that way, toward the bathrooms," she replied, pointing down a very crowded hallway.

"Merci~" he said before running off to where she'd pointed. As soon as he was gone, Amelia turned around to face the crouching boy she was hiding.

"He's gone. You're safe now." He nodded and she stepped to the side to make room for him to get through.

"Thanks." He got up and leaned against the wall. "So you're Amelia?" She nodded. He looked over her. "Huh. Well, I'm Arthur. Pleasure to meet you." He stuck out his hand and Amelia froze.

"P-Pleasure's all mine," she stammered, shaking the outstretched hand quickly.

"Well, I'll see you around, Amelia." He walked off, presumably to lunch.

She stared at her hand. "I'll never wash you again."*

After a few seconds of disbelief and thinking, she floated off to lunch to tell Natalia all about what had happened.

"See? I _told _you I'd talk to him," she bragged. Natalia just rolled her violet eyes and sipped her apple juice.

The next day, the same thing happened, except this time, Arthur stayed for at least a full minute to talk to her before going off to lunch.

This repeated for about a week until Amelia finally asked him, "Why are you hiding from Francis, anyway?"

Arthur deadpanned. "He wants to pull me into a bathroom stall and—"

"That sounds like him!" squeaked Amelia. "That definitely sounds like him..."

Arthur's large eyebrows narrowed. "How do you know Francis?"

"He's my cousin, or something…" she muttered.

He pattered her shoulder. Then I feel sorry for you." and then he walked off.

The next day, Arthur escorted her to lunch, earning many stares from their classmates. What was that punkish kid with green hair doing walking and talking with that cute little blonde girl who looked so innocent?

Not that Amelia was complaining, of course.

The next day, Arthur didn't even bother to hide behind Amelia. When Francis came, he just made a big show of ignoring the French boy for her.

It was at this point that Amelia started to realize she was being _used_ by the punkish boy. Now she was torn—would she confront him about it, or would she let it continue on with it, acting like nothing was wrong? She just didn't know.

When she asked Natalia, her friend just scoffed and told her to do what made her happy. Her twin gave her the same response. This didn't help at all. She wasn't happy with the way things were, but if she obeyed her heroic instinct and saved herself, the one she had devoted so much of her life to might stop acknowledging her very existence! What could she possibly do?

There was only one thing to do, she decided. Rid herself of her ridiculous infatuation, and she would rid herself of her fear of Arthur's rejection.

The first thing she did was take down all of the photos of him she had in her locker. It was sadly bare, so she hung up a few pictures of Natalia and her brother. There. That was better.

She dropped off the bag of photos at Arthur's locker with a short, typed note that said, _I've decided to give up on you._

On the way to lunch that day, Arthur told her all about how he had a stalker that evidently wasn't going to stalk him anymore. "I wonder who it is."

Amelia just shrugged.

"Good thing, too. I've already got someone I'm interested in, I don't need a bloody harem."

"Hm." She tried to ignore the ache in her heart.

"Aren't you interested in who it is?" he asked her.

Yes. "No," she replied. "It's not my business."

He muttered something that sounded a bit like, "You'd be surprised," but she decided it was her mind playing tricks on her.

Two days later, in the second and final step of her plan, she asked her cousin how to get over someone. He just chuckled, patted her head, and baked her some cookies. It was nice, but it was _not _the answer she was looking for.

Maybe if she ignored him it would work. Natalia thought she was crazy, but Amelia didn't care. So, for the next week, she took a normal route to lunch, once that allowed her to be early enough to get two hamburgers every day, which she rather enjoyed.

After a while, though, she heard rumors spreading about Arthur getting suspended for fighting, mostly with Francis, and doing all sorts of other horrible things. Amelia didn't know what to think.

She couldn't help herself. She had to stalk him again, and find out what was wrong. (Natalia had informed her that she was making the right choice.)

The first thing to do was get into detention with him. It wasn't difficult—they had the same math teacher, and he held all the detentions at the same time. But Mr. Vargas, though lazy, was a nice guy—she'd ended up asking if she could come to detention. He didn't mind if she showed up, so after school on Thursday, she sat in the back corner of the classroom and waited for Arthur.

Several minutes later, a drunken 17-year-old with green hair stumbled into the room and sat down in the desk closest to the door. He immediately pulled out a small flask and began to drink from it.

"Mr. Kirkland, alcohol's not allowed in school~" said Mr. Vargas. "But I won't tell if you hand it over right now."

Arthur chuckled. "What does it matter? No one cares about me anyway…"

Mr. Vargas sighed. "What's this all about, Artie?"

"It's the whole goddamn story of my life! I have four other fucking brothers that all hate me, the only thing that I've got close to a friend is that French perverted bastard, and now she…"**

"She?" asked Mr. Vargas. Amelia perked up. She wanted to hear about this "she"!

Arthur put his boots up on the desk. "Oh, her. Don't get me started on her. She's just this little girl, you know? But she was always smiling and she'd get this happy look whenever she saw me." Amelia's heart started to pound. "It was adorable. And I always felt good when she was around, 'cause she made me feel special." He teared up a bit. "I just wanna be special…"***

"Th-That's great and all, but…oh, please, continue!" sobbed Mr. Vargas, who was apparently crying from the soppiness of it all.

"So-So anyway I've also had this creepy stalker for a long time, but a couple weeks ago, they sent me a big trash bag full of pictures of myself, and it said they were givin' up on me. So I told her and she didn't care, even when I _said_ there was someone I…uh, liked or whatever, she didn't care." Amelia noticed Arthur's story was starting to sound oddly familiar. "And so I was thinkin', either, she's really bloody dense or I'm not sending the right signals or somethin', so I just decided to come right out and say it."

"And?" begged Mr. Vargas. _Yes, AND? _thought Amelia.

"So I was gonna do it, and then she just disappeared! She wasn't where we'd usually meet up to talk, and I couldn't find 'er fer about a week 'ntil I saw her with that creepy Russian girl, Natalie or something, so I tried to talk to 'er but she just ran away!"

"NO."

"YES. So then that's when I started fightin' an' all that again."

Amelia swallowed thickly. She was almost positive he was talking about her, but…

"What was her name?" asked Vargas, intrigued.

"'Melia. Amelia Jones."

Amelia couldn't help herself. She jumped out of her seat and slammed her palms down on the desk. "WHAT?"

Arthur turned around. When he saw Amelia, he flushed. "W-What are you doing here? And how much of that did you hear?"

_He seems much more sober now, _Amelia noted. "I-I've actually been here longer than you, Artie, so I heard all of it…"

"Bloody hell," he muttered to himself.

"And, um…I, uh…I like you too…" She smiled weakly.

Arthur just sat there, shocked.

"So, uh, I…yeah. That's it, I guess."

After about a minute of total awkwardness, Arthur grinned. He got up, ran to the back of the room, threw Amelia over his shoulder , and ran out. Vargas just laughed and gave them both extra credit for being so damn entertaining.

A few months later, Amelia confessed that she had been his stalker. Arthur confessed that he thought that was a little creepy, but he eventually decided not to care.

_To this day, Natalia stalks Ivan, and Amelia's face lights up whenever she sees her punk of a lover._

*SUDDENLY, SPONGEBOB COMES OVER WITH BUBBLE BUDDY AND SHAKES HER HAND. It's now squeaky clean and she breaks down crying.

**It seems Arthur develops Tourette's when he drinks. Oh god, that was a bad joke. I'm sorry. He just cusses a lot.

***It's paraphrased a bit, but does anyone get the song reference? Please, does anyone besides my dad get it? Anyone?

**AN: I almost forgot how much I liked that one until about the last page of it in my notebook. Wow. Wowza.**

**There you go, MataHari-Chan. It wasn't exactly what you requested, but whatever. I think it was damn awesome. Even if it wasn't. Oh, and I wrote this thing…well, I'll ask later. Thanks.**

**Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed. I know I did. Thank you for reading! :D**

**I'mma go make a s'more now.**


	26. Hermits

**Sorry for the wait. I've been busy on my account that isn't this one. I won't tell you what it is, though. You have to find it for yourselves, though I doubt you ever will…muahahaha.**

**Anyway, yeah, that's really my only excuse. I hope you all are having a happy 4****th**** of July~ if you celebrate it, that is.**

**Title:** Hermits

**Pairings:** USUK only this time

**Rating:** K+, but the F-word (and not friendship this time) is used.

**Genre(s):** Angst, Friendship, Humor, a little bit of Hurt/Comfort

**Dedications:** Everyone who's read this, whether you've reviewed or alerted or fav'd or just glanced at it.

**Inspiration:** I really have no idea. Mountains? LFG? It's all a blur.

**Warnings:** A terrible beginning and some unusually deep stuff for a light oneshot. But not _too _deep.

**Summary: **Arthur Kirkland finds himself stranded on a mountain with a hermit for a week. A really ANNOYING hermit. How will he survive?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own As Long As You're Mine from Wicked, I don't own Mister Heavenly by Mister Heavenly, and I don't own Hetalia.

**Begin~**

As Arthur Kirkland, mountain climbing extraordinaire, lay dying, he had only one real regret: that he never got a _real _job. After all, it was the goddamn mountains that had gotten him into this mess! But there was nothing he could do. He was going to freeze to death. He could already feel himself getting drowsy…at least it wouldn't hurt…

"Wait! Stop! No, don't close your eyes! Stop it!"

Correction: he had two regrets. The first was not finding a real job, and the second was not finding out who the foolish git was that was trying to save him and smacking him.

When he opened his eyes again, he was lying under something heavy and warm, and there was a dirt ceiling above him. What kind of a fucked up heaven was this?

"This isn't heaven unless you want it to be." Arthur turned his head. Sitting next to him was a man with short, wheat-colored hair and downcast blue eyes covered by wiry glasses.

"Is it…Hell?" asked Arthur hesitantly. He'd done nothing to deserve this! It was unfair!

"I sure hope not!" exclaimed the man. "Seriously! No, you're alive, Mister. I saved your life." He grinned at Arthur.

"You…saved my life?" asked the mountain climber. "But…why?"

The man shrugged. "It was the right thing to do. Besides, I was bored. Oh, but I do have some bad news."

"What is it?"

"Your legs couldn't be saved. I had to cut them off," he said somberly.*

"WHAT?" He felt around where his legs should be. "B-But they're still—"

"April fools~"** said the man cheesily. "By the way, my name's Alfred. What's yours?"

"G-Git! Why would you do something like that?" yelled Arthur, now very pissed off about the joke concerning his legs.

"Well, Mr. Git, it _is _going to take awhile before I can escort you back down the mountain." Alfred completely ignored his question. "At least a week. A blizzard came by, so you're stuck here for now!"

Arthur waited for the "April fools," but Alfred's face was completely serious. "Are you…are you kidding me?"

"Hope. I just hope you'll be a good house guest, Mr. Git."

Arthur learned very quickly that Alfred could be very irritating. He liked to refer to himself as a hero and talk about drawing comics, which was apparently his favorite past-time. In fact, he didn't _stop _talking, even when he was eating.

Arthur seriously considered going out into the blizzard when he found out Alfred only had one bed, but when the hermit saw him eyeing to entrance to his little cave-house, he offered to sleep on the floor.

For the next five days, Arthur busied himself with reading Alfred's comics, which took up an entire bookshelf. As he did so, Alfred drew more and more in some other notebooks. Arthur had asked him why he had so many notebooks and how he got them, and Alfred just said he'd brought them all with him when he'd moved to the cave.

Arthur had to admit, though, Alfred _was _a decent host. And he spoke like someone who had proper schooling and was from society, even though he lived in a cave. So who was he _before _he moved to the mountain?

He just _had _to find out. So he asked.

"Before I moved here, I was a very successful lawyer. I made a lot of money, and I liked my job. I got to put criminals where they belonged. It was great!"

"So why'd you quit?"

"I had to convict a child. I needed some time to think."

"Wouldn't the kid just go to, er, juvie, though?"

"He was seventeen, and it was a felony. He got an adult sentence."

"Oh."

After that, there was a long and awkward silence. "Uh…didn't you have any family or friends to support you…?"

"Well, my girlfriend was all like, 'Get over it!' and my cousin was all, 'Hey is your client hot' and my brother had problems and I didn't know what else to do, and I always liked drawing comics, so I packed up as many as I could carry of those notebooks, casual clothes, and instant ramen. And I've been here ever since."

"Which is how long?"

"Three years."

"You've been living in a _cave _for _three years?" _screamed Arthur. "Why? You should have left by now, or something! How are you even alive?"

"Food and stuff grows here. If I'm really hungry, I'll kill a rabbit of a squirrel. They're kind of chewy, squirrels…"

Arthur made a gagging noise, then composed himself. "Still, the fact that you've been _living in a mountain cave _for _three years_ is just…ridiculously amazing and amazingly ridiculous."

Alfred shrugged. "Well, I decided I'd stay up here until I finished my comic, and I've only got about twenty strips left…I should be done by the time the storm's over." He grinned at Arthur. "We can leave _together~"_

The mountain climber rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, hermit."

Alfred juts laughed at his new nickname and started to write in the dialogue for the comic he was working on.

When Arthur woke up two days later, he noticed the absence of howling wind and the addition of clear sunlight peeking into the cave. It seemed the blizzard was over.

Alfred, who was already awake, was packing up the notebooks on the shelf. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty~"

"Did you finish?" asked Arthur, who had been waiting for the last notebook.

"Yeah! Here." He tossed it to his mountain-climbing guest. "There's only a few, so it shouldn't take you so long to read, and then you can help me pack."

"O-Okay." He opened up the notebook to the first page and began to read.

The minutes later, when he was finished, he handed the book to the anxious artist who, five minutes ago, had stationed himself next to the bed. "What did you think?"

"The ending…surprised me. I didn't think heroic Hero Man would actually kill Evil Bad Guy.*** I mean, in these things, isn't there always another, secret way to save the world?" he asked.

Alfred smiled sadly. "In real life, there's not." He stowed the notebook away in Arthur's pack, which was sitting next to him. There's no room in my bag, so could you carry it for me?"

"Sure." After eating some breakfast, they set off down the mountain. With all the snow, it took them about five hours.

At the foot of the mountain, they were greeted by Arthur's friends, colleagues, and also various reporters, who all wanted to know how he'd survived. He told them he'd found shelter and waited the storm out. (Alfred had sneaked away so he wouldn't be questioned as well.) After that confrontation, his brother had driven him home before he could say goodbye to his new friend.

When he was finally left alone, he searched for any of Alfred's contact information so he could thank him, but he couldn't find anything. Disappointed, he decided to reread the end of "Heroic Hero Man's Heroic Adventures." But he finished that quickly enough, and was left with flipping through the notebook.

It was empty after the last comic, except for a small scribble on the last page, which read:

Matthew J. Williams

74 Independence Road

Hidemaruya, Pennsylvania

That's my brother's address. And his phone number should be 555-555-5555. Call me if you like. And if it doesn't work, look him up, or my cousin, Francis Bonnefois.

-Alfred

Satisfied with what he had found, Arthur grabbed his phone and started to dial.

*Aaaaaand there's the LFG reference! Anyone get it?

**This was written in April. I know it's late. Shut up.

***I'm sorry I can't come up with better names. I'm not one of the writers of Dr. Horrible.

**AN: That was actually intended to be the last thing I posted on this, but then I wrote the next one, and so it's not. I don't know when the next one will be up…in a few days or something…but it's probably going to make you at least a little mad. Why? I'm going to reference things I haven't posted. Like that one where *** turns on ***'s *** mode and *** comes over and…I don't want to spoil it, but…yeah. You'd like it. Most likely. I don't know. I'm not publishing it to find out. :P**

**Like I said, though, I've been busy on my other account. Try and find me. I have one story up so far, and it's PruHun. And relatively new. And in diary format. That should be enough.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	27. Dr Catfish's SingAlong Twoshot: Part 1

**Guess what? This isn't the last one! No, that's coming after the next one! Because this is a TWO-shot, yo!**

**And a very SPECIAL two-shot, too…see, there's eight songs in this, and I want you to name them all! Rules at the bottom, but I'll make sure you know which ones are songs! Okay? Anyway.**

**Title: **Dr. Catfish's Sing-Along Twoshot (Part 1)

**Pairings: **REAL USUK this time! And CanadaxUkraine, RomanoxLiechtenstein, and hinted at past!EnglandxRomano…or is it EnglandxLiechtenstein? I'll never tell. It's up to you.

**Rating: **T

**Genre(s): **Romance, Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, and…is Music a genre? I don't think it is…but it is now…

**Dedications: **You know, I don't think anyone actually reviewed each other…maybe ONE person. So no dedications this time, except to the people who wrote the songs featured.

**Inspiration: **It started off with Evita, and then an episode of Family Guy…yeah, we'll go with that.

**Warnings: **Lots of songs ahead. I doubt you'll know them all. If you do, you're awesome and your iPod mirrors mine.

**Summary: **Alfred's gone! Where did he go? There's just this cryptic note that is weirdly rhyming…leave it to Arthur to take it the wrong way and start on his Weber collection…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia or any of the songs featured below. They will be listed in the next part.

**Key: **"Talking"/actions

_Emphasis/thoughts/letters/foreign words_

"**Singing"/songs**

**Okay! Eight songs! See if you can tell me what they all are! And their artists, if you're **_**really **_**good. (Name of the musical if it's from one.) And if you're **_**really really **_**good, the movie reference at the very end. But I doubt you'll get **_**everything.**_

**Note: some lyrics are slightly changed for context.**

**Begin~**

"**So what happens now? So what happens now?" **Arthur sniffed and took another gulp of his drink. **"Don't ask anymore!" **And then he started crying again.

"Fuck, this is serious!" hissed Arthur's friend, Matthew, to his girlfriend, Katyusha. "He's doing Andrew Lloyd Weber!"

"Is that bad?" she asked.

"_Yes!" _He glanced over at Arthur. "We're safe so far, he's still doing Evita, but if he starts on Phantom, it's a lost cause."

"What do we do?" asked Katyusha frantically.

Matthew shook his head. "I don't know! The only other time he did this was when he found out about Lovino and Lilli, but then Al got back from camp and started making him do stuff* to get his mind off of it. But neither of us are that forceful…"

Meanwhile, Arthur was still warbling, but at he sound of Alfred's name, he turned quickly and seethed, "Don't you dare mention him, you…you…" He burst into tears. "Why did he leave?" he sobbed .Matthew awkwardly patted his back.

"There, there…" He mouthed, "Help me!" to Katyusha. She gave hi ma helpless look. He sighed, and mouthed, "He'll only stop for his music. Sing or something."

"U-Um…**J-Just a small town girl…" **she began loudly. Matthew smiled reassuringly at her. **"L-…Livin' in a lonely world! She took the midnight train goin' a-ny-where!"**

"**Just a city boy!" **sang Matthew. **"Born and raised in south Detroit! He took the midnight train goin' a-ny-where!"**

Arthur sniffled, and, without bothering to wait for the proper time, started on the next section. **"A singer in a smoky room…a smell of wine and cheap perfume…for a smile they can share the night—"**

"**It goes on and on and on and on~" **finished Matthew and Katyusha. The bartender, who had been paying attention from the beginning, turned on the stereo and fast-forwarded to that point in the song. Everyone present started to sing along.

"That was great!" whispered Matthew. "How did you—"

"Everyone loves Journey, even Arthur."**

* * *

Alfred, in case you've been wondering, was trying to find himself. He'd had an epiphany, you see, that he could get more out of himself, but he'd wanted to know how. So he'd hopped onto his motorcycle with $200 in his pocket in cash, and rode all the way to Virginia, leaving only a note.

_**So if you care to find me, look to the eastern sky. As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly. And, if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free! To those who ground me, take a message back from me: Tell them how I'm defying gravity. I'm flying high, defying gravity, and soon I'll match them in renown.**_

Not the most original, but he hadn't really had time to think of anything better.

See, he'd wanted to join the Air Force, to explain the whole "defying gravity" thing. Because he'd be flying? And Virginia was east of Ohio, right? Right.

However, it had been a week, and he was starting to have second thoughts. Sure, the Air Force was awesome and all, but it was also a lot of work. Plus, he…well, he missed Ohio. All of his friends and family were there. _Arthur _was there. Arthur, who was probably going through his Weber collection (seeing as it had been a week and he would've finished with the Beatles and the Who and all of his other British classic rock by now). Poor Arthur, who was most likely taking that "those who ground me" thing all wrong…

No. Don't think about it. It doesn't matter. **"Nothing really matters…" **he muttered to himself.** "Anyone can see. Nothing **_**really **_**matters…" **He sighed. **"Nothing really matters to me~"**

Ugh. What a lie.

* * *

"Is he still on Andrew Lloyd Weber?" asked Katyusha over the phone.

Matthew sighed. "No. Worse."

"What could be worse? I thought you said…"

"Just listen." He held the phone out to the crack of Arthur's bedroom door.

Arthur was inside, hugging a picture of Alfred to his chest and sobbing along with one of the most famous songs of all time.

"**Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let! you! down~ Never gonna run around and desert you!" **He blew his nose loudly and quickly. **"Never gonna make you cry! Never gonna say~ goodbye~ Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!"*****

Matthew brought the phone back to his ear. "He's been doing that all day. I've memorized the song by now because he's so loud I can hear him from the kitchen."

Katyusha grimaced. "That _is _bad."

"Please tell me you have good news," begged Matthew. "Please tell me you've found him."

You see, Katyusha had volunteered to go look for Alfred. She and Matthew deciphered his note, and she'd headed off to Virginia to find him.

"Not quite, but I found a motel where he stayed, and the guy at the desk said he'd mentioned going to Richmond—"

"Thank you, Kat. I'll tell Arthur."

"B-But remember, Matthew, I might not find him. **Que sera sera, you know? ****Whatever**** will be will be.****"**

"**The future's not ours to see…que sera sera."**

"Hey! **When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheart, 'What lies ahead?'" **shouted Arthur from his room. **"'Will there be rainbows day after day?' Here's what that fucker said!"**

"**Que sera sera! Whatever will be will be!" **yelled Matthew in retaliation. **"The future's not ours to see! Que sera sera!" **he repeated.

"That won't bring Alfred back!"

Matthew sighed into the phone. "I'll call you back."

* * *

"Excuse me, but have you seen this man? His name is Alfred Jones." Katyusha showed the hotel receptionist Alfred's picture.

The receptionist grinned. "Show me your tits and we'll see."

"Hey! You can't talk to her like that!"

Katyusha spun around. "Alfred!" she cried in relief. "I've been looking _everywhere _for you!" She paused. "And thanks for saving me and all that."

Alfred laughed. **"Well, everyone's a hero in their own way! Everyone's got something they can do."**

"**Yes, everyone's a hero in their own way," **agreed Katyusha. **"Like you and you and—"**

"**Mostly me!" **added Alfred cheekily.

"**And you." **She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"So, how'd you find me, anyway?" he asked.

"It wasn't easy. Alfred, you have to come home! Arthur's distraught!"

"H-He is?" Katyusha nodded. "Ah, he took my note all wrong, didn't he?"

"Yeah. And you left _Metyu _to deal with him."

"Is he on Weber yet?"

"It's worse. Rick Astley."

Alfred flinched. "Fine. I'll come home…not like the Air Force wasn't working out, but…"

Katyusha smiled. "Thank goodness."

* * *

"You found him?" exclaimed Matthew. "That's fantastic! I'll tell Arthur now!' He ran to Arthur's room. "Arthur, I just got off the phone with—Arthur?"

The room was empty.

"Kat, uh, Arthur's missing…"

Suddenly, he saw the note. "What's this? It says… **'I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, 'cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone.'"**

"That sounds like a suicide note..." murmured Katyusha.

"Wait, there's more. **'These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.'" **He swallowed. "Alfred knows this song. By the time you find him, and tell him, it'll already be too late for him to come back.' What can that mean?"

"Nothing good, _Metyu. _Nothing good."

* * *

Arthur had spent the entire day wandering around town, visiting all of his favourite places and reliving memories. Memories…now that he thought about it, most of them had Alfred in them, didn't they? He was a constant for Arthur's life.

But now, he was gone, and he was never coming back.

Finally, Arthur had made his way over to the bridge. It was over a river which flowed on the edge of town. The river's current wasn't very fast, and the bridge wasn't very high, at least above the water, but it would do.

He stood on the railing, preparing to jump.

"Stop!" Startled, Arthur turned his head. A man on a bicycle had come up. "Don't do this!"

"It's okay. I can fly!"

"…What?"

"I can FLY!" he shouted.

"Yes, you can fly!" yelled the other man confusedly.

"I CAN FLY!"

"YOU CAN FLY!"

Arthur jumped.

END PART 1

* * *

*Don't make me do stuff! Ha, I referenced this on my other account's story…

**False statement. My dad hates Journey.

***HAHA I JUST RICK-ROLLED ALL OF YOU. HAAAA.

**AN: I know you all hate me. Oh, that reminds me, Death comes in the next one. ;) You know, a skeleton in a black cloak with a scythe and glowing eye sockets? Yeah, he shows up.**

**HAHAHA.**

**So remember, eight songs! I practically gave a few of them away. You should get at least **_**one. **_**Even the TITLE has something to do with one of them! The one sang by Kat and Alfred, actually…**

**Okay, enough hints. Remember: eight songs. Give me their names, possibly their artists. And if you can, the movie from the very end. (We watched it in Japanese class. That's the hint for that.)**

**And no cheating! Sauron is watching. He can see when people cheat on this, along with being able to see when the Ring is being used. Yeah. He's just that powerful.**

**Last note: Hi Lithuania! I know I didn't say your name again (like I didn't in my other fic that none of you have told me you've read—I know it's not PruHun, but there's USUK in it! And GerIta, and…well, RomanoxLiechtenstein, and FrancexSpain…anyway…) but I still love you, Lithuania! You're one of my favorite characters!**

**I can't wait to greet Death in the next one. I based him off of Pratchett's Death, from Discworld. **

**Thanks for reading~ I hope you enjoyed!**


	28. Dr Catfish's SingAlong Twoshot: Part 2

**Hello, all! Here's part 2! I'm not going to bother with the pairings and the genres and all that because it's all the same as last time…I'll just do the disclaimer for the songs I used last time.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia. I also do not own Another Suitcase In Another Hall/Hello and Goodbye, Don't Stop Believing, Defying Gravity, Bohemian Rhapsody, Never Gonna Give You Up, Que Sera Sera, Everyone's A Hero, or My Immortal. Those are property of the makers of Evita, Journey, whoever wrote Wicked (I'm too lazy to look it up now, but it's not me), Queen, Rick Astley, Doris Day (though I prefer the Pink Martini version), the creators of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, and Evanescence, respectively. Thank you.

Oh, right. I also don't own Ping Pong, from last time. That's what the movie was~

**Damn that's a long disclaimer. Oh, and I **_**hope **_**you remember the key. It's useful. **

**Winners (got five or more right) from last time: **MataHari-Chan (8-congrats!), Chibirisu (5-not bad~), XxKuro-koneko-nyaxX (7! Yay! And I enjoyed that Tara Gilesbe comment)

**Anyway, here's part 2~**

"ARTHUR!" screamed Alfred from one end of the bridge. He'd ridden nonstop back to Ohio* once he'd heard Matthew read Arthur's note, and just when he'd found him, he was gone, having plunged into the brownish water of the river.

He ran to the spot he'd seen Arthur jump from, tore off his helmet, and dove in after him.

The water was murky and it was difficult for Alfred to see. He swam frantically, searching the water for Arthur. Finally, after several minutes, he found him slowly sinking, almost at the bottom. He grabbed at his arm and tugged him up to the surface.

"Arthur!" he yelled. Arthur didn't respond. Alfred dragged him to the riverbank and started performing CPR. He shouted up to the man on the bicycle to call 911. Soon, an ambulance arrived.

* * *

Arthur jumped.

He could vaguely hear someone screaming his name…someone that sounded like Alfred. But it couldn't be him. He was gone.

When he hit the water, his mouth opened in surprise. That was _cold. _He started to choke as the liquid flooded into his lungs, but soon he passed out.

_**There is no pain, you are receding…**_

His head hit something roughly, causing him to regain consciousness, but barely.

_**A distant ship's smoke on the horizon…**_

"ARTHUR!"

_**You are only coming through in waves…your lips move, but I can't hear what you say…**_

Was that Alfred, hovering over him? He was shouting something, but what was it?

_**When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.**_

Who was that behind Alfred, in the cloak?

_**I turned to look and it was gone, I could not put my finger on it now. The child has grown, the dream is gone.**_

The person in the cloak turned around and walked away. Arthur's half-lidded eyes closed. He was…so tired…

_**I have become…comfortably numb.**_

* * *

When Arthur opened his eyes again, he saw a ceiling with plenty of odd cracks in it. (Some of them formed a rabbit.)** He could tell that he was lying in a soft bed. What had happened, exactly?

"You jumped off a bridge," said a hoarse voice coming from next to him. Oh, had he asked out loud? "Why did you jump off a bridge, Artie?"

Arthur turned his head. Sitting next to him, with his knees curled up to his chest and his head resting on top, was Alfred. "Alfred…?"

"Why did you jump?" Alfred repeated. "That's not like you. Why didn't you just wait? Then you could've yelled at me all you wanted!"

"You said…in your note…"

"I wasn't talking about _you._ I said 'those who ground me.' I meant the people who always thought I could never amount to anything. Not _you."_

"I…I'm sorry, Al."

"You should be." Alfred unfolded himself. "I'm going to go call Matt and tell him you're okay. I'll be back in a few." He stood up and made his way toward the door.

"W-Wait!" cried Arthur. **"Wait, wait, wait!"**

Alfred turned around. "What is it?"

"A-Are you really coming back?" he asked.

"It'll just be a few minutes—"

"I meant back _home."_

"I…"

"W-Well, **before you go…I want you to know all that you were, and the sound that you make when you move. Before you leave…I need you to see all that you mean. You would hardly believe it."**

Alfred walked back over to Arthur's bed, bent down, and softly touched his lips to Arthur's. "You don't think I'd believe it, huh?" he whispered.

"It's just…**this is how I feel. Listen."**

Alfred smiled. "Well, I can't pass that offer up, can I?" He kissed Arthur again and left the room to call Matthew.

* * *

Several days later, Arthur was good as new and he and Alfred had put the entire incident behind them. The bridge incident, that was. "I can't believe you'd have the _gall _to just _leave_ like that! I mean, _really!_" He quaffed*** more of his drink.

"I said I was _sorry!"_

"Ooh, you're _sorry. _I want _proof._"

Alfred, got down on one knee, startling Arthur. "What are you—"

"**Babe I love you! I really love you! Babe I need you! I really need~ you! Babe I wa~nt you, I'll always wa~nt you! Babe I love you babe I love you babe I love you, oh!"**

Arthur blushed furiously. "Don't do things like that in public!"

"Okay, how about this? **If you're the bird, whenever we pretend it's summer, then I'm the worm! I know the part is such a bummer—"**

"That's worse!"

"Uh, what about… **Oh, Arthur, you've acted stupid, you've—"**

"NO."

Alfred stood. "You've forced my hand." He stuck said hand out. Arthur took it slowly, and was immediately pulled into Alfred's chest. Alfred winked at the bartender, who he'd paid quite a sum of money to play _that song _should the need arise.

"**Tonight's the night we'll make history~ Honey, you and I~ 'Cause I'd take any risk to tie back the hands of time~ And stay with you here tonight!"**

Arthur's entire face, including his ears and part of his neck, went red. "You can't be—"

"**I know you feel these are the worst of times! I do believe it's true~! When people lock their doors and hide inside~! Rumor has it it's the end of paradise~ But I know…if the world just passed us by, baby I know~…I wouldn't have to cry, no no!"**

Suddenly, everyone in the bar had a lighter out, and they were waving them and singing along. **"The best of times~ are when I'm alone with you! Some rain, some shine! We'll make this a world for two!"**

"Y-You're a git," muttered Arthur as he and Alfred swayed.

"Am I a _forgiven_ git?" asked Alfred teasingly.

"…Yes. Fine."

Everyone present cheered, and started chanting things ranging from, "Kiss!" to, "Propose!" (from the girls) to something very risqué from a group in the corner that sounded more like a long and vulgar set of instructions than a chant.****

Alfred gladly did all three of these things. In order.

* * *

"**I just had sex!"**

"What the—"

"**And it felt so good~!"**

"It's three in the morning!"

"**A woman—"**

"HEY."

"Sorry, man—**let me put my penis inside of her—him!"**

"You're not going to stop, are you?"

"**I just had se-e-e-ex!"**

"I'll take that as a no."

"**And I'll never go back!"**

"Wait, to what?"

"**To the not-having-sex ways of the past!"**

"Oh. Okay. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"That's barely _any _of the song!"

"Too bad."

"But I—"

"**HALF A BEE, PHILISOPHICALLY, MUST IPSO FACTO—"**

"NO THAT SONG CONFUSES ME FINE I'LL STOP."

"Goodnight, Alfred."

"Goodnight…"

* * *

*Apparently, he's manly, though I don't know why. Ohio, that is.

**Anyone get it? Anyone?

***Anyone who can tell me what this word means gets 20,000 Catfish points. (Once I figure out what those are.)

****Hey, Elisabeta! Hey, Kiku! I didn't see you guys there! I'm sure Alfred appreciates your yaoi expertise.

**AN: Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great! It felt so good when I did it with my penis! Just kidding, just kidding. I am a virgin girl. Judge me all you want for that.**

**REAL AN: So, there we go! There's the end to **_**that **_**songfic! I actually don't really like writing this kind of songfic (in my mind, there's two different kinds—this kind, and the kind where you base it off of a song), I really prefer the other kind, but this was actually very fun.**

**I'm writing one of the other kind right now, actually, for all of you Princess Tutu fans out there. The song is The Scientist, by Coldplay…and it's Fakiru…I'm sure you can guess the plot now. Or not. I don't know. Anyway…**

**There were eight songs in this one too! Will you guess them all for me like last time? One of them you should know if you've read all of the previous oneshots. Most of them had the title in the song. It shouldn't be as hard as last time. But in case you forgot, Sauron is watching. He'll know if you cheat.**

**Well, thanks for reading!**


	29. Where We Meet

…**Been awhile, hasn't it? Yeah…hahaha…**

**Just so you know, this was originally written as some sort of unrelated preface to a thing I'm not really going to do anymore…oh well.**

**Title: **Where We Meet

**Pairings:**USUK. And USUK, and USUK, and some fems thrown in there…

**Rating:**T.

**Genre(s):**Humor, Romance, some mild Angst

**Dedications:**Everyone who participated last time~ and anyone who has ever read or reviewed or favorited or any of those things!

**Inspiration:**Um…I really don't know. Dimensional abilities…? The multiverse is a strange place.

**Warnings:**Very strange.

**Summary: **There's that one place, hidden away in the universe, where we can all meet each other…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hetalia~ or any of the songs used last chapter: **Comfortably Numb**, **Swing the Cellar Door**, **I Love You**, **The Bird and the Worm**, that thing I wrote like twenty chapters ago which I guess I kind of do own unless the real song itself, **Greensleeves**, is public domain, which it probably is, **The Best of Times, I Just Had Sex, **and **Eric the Half A Bee.** These are owned by **Pink Floyd, Hey Rosetta!, Dirty Little Rabbits, Owl City (Adam Young), **public domain or me or something since I wrote the lyrics, **Styx, The Lonely Island, **and **Monty Python. **

I also don't own Papermate™

**Winners from last time: **Chibirisu, XxKuro-koneko-nyaxX. (More of you shoulda guessed! Come on!) And you all got what "quaffing" was, not the definition I thought it was (I honestly thought Terry Pratchett made it up…because I'm stupid…)

**Now, let's begin the final oneshot!**

One day in a city in a state in a country which was part of a continent in a certain hemisphere on a planet whose name shall remain a secret, a very eccentric writer was scribbling tiredly.

"Oh, woe is me!" she cried, throwing her purple Papermate™ into the air (and then looked around all over the floor for it since there was no way she could have caught it). "My muse has left me to inspire someone else! That bitch…" As she cursed out her muse, a new one hopped along. When it heard all the abuse the previous muse (who happened to be a catgirl) was getting, she ran away in fear.

This happened many, many times, until finally, the only muse the Muse Factory had left was sent over. She, too, was a catgirl, but instead of being sweet and helpful, like the original muse was, this catgirl muse was a sadistic dominatrix, dressed in leather and chains. She pulled out her whip and snapped it at the writer. "Oi!" she yelled, and the writer yelped in fear. "I've got a plot for you! Now, you're going to write it, or I'm going to murder you! We clear?"

The writer nodded meekly and the catgirl laid out her plan. Admittedly, as she was a new muse, she only had a basic idea of what she wanted the writer to do, but she liked watching her squirm in discomfort, so it all worked out for her.

The writer procrastinated for many weeks, but this only angered the sadistic catgirl, and finally she was forced to write this tale…

Somewhere in the universe, there is an empty white space where, when certain planets align in a certain way, certain people from different universes all meet at once. Very rarely, pairs of these people may meet up, if their bond is one whih can cross dimensions.

Of course, that last part was only added as some crappy foreshadowing to let you all know that that is what is going to happen. ("Hey! No breaking the fourth wall!" *smack* "I-I'm sorry! It's just so fun!" *tears* "TOO BAD! NOW WRITE!") The pair is made up of two (most of the time) men. There were a few female exceptions, but the point is that they were named Arthur Kirkland and Alfred F. Jones.

The first pair of pairs to meet were the pairs from dimensions known as Costermonger and Crescendo. These pairs were very different, and they were not very compatible, as Crescendo!Alfred would just sit in a corner while Costermonger!Alfred offered him some vegetables, and both Arthurs sulked in a nother corner because they were being ignored. Crescendo!Arthur understood that it was his fault—after all, he'd _cheated _on his Alfred—but he was a tsundere. It was in his nature.

Luckily, another pair from a dimension called LOL Limewire appeared. This pair most likely had seen better days, as Arthur was wearing only a vintage pirate hat, and Alfred was wearing nothing at all. Limewire!Alfred started sobbing about being raped and his laptop being demolished. Arthur yelled at his clones to man up.

After that, clones started popping up randomly, and they were all very different—a pair of 17-year-olds from Plushie, violin players 5 years apart in age from Prodigy, various punks, gangstas, and cops, children from places like Playground and Stickers, and many, many more. Soon, the room was packed.

Of course, when you pack a room with clones, it makes them start to wonder who the "real" one is. And that's when fists start flying. The first to attack was a girl named Amelia from Shopping, who threw herself at the Amelia from Since Kindergarten. Both instantly disappeared in twin puffs of blue smoke.

Stalker's Amelia realized that she was the only one left and hid on top of her green-haired boyfriend's shoulders, and watched as the clones slowly destroyed themselves.

First, LOL Limewire's Arthur was tired of being full of sexual tension (he was naked and there were hundreds of very attractive people around, what do you expect?) and jumped the person nearest him, who happened to be his Coffee Shop counterpart. This caused a chain reaction, and the two of them, along with the Arthurs of Runaway, Gingers, Postprandial, and Pen-Pal, along with the Alfreds of Stickers, Costermonger, and Runaway, were all instantly gone with a rather large puff of green smoke.

("You're killing them off too quickly. Slow it down." "B-But—" "Even if this is supposed to be yaoi [and you're doing a crap job of making it that, by the way], NO BUTS." "…Yes, Ludmila…") Suddenly, all of the various punks, gangstas, and cops realized exactly what was going on and attacked each other. They were all gone in one single puff bright yellow smoke. ("THAT'S NOT SLOWER." "S-Sorry!")

At the sight of Amelia on her boyfriend's shoulders, Since Kindergarten and Shopping's Alices got jealous of said boyfriend for still having an Amelia. They ran at him, and all four disappeared in orange smoke.

After that, it was mass commotion. No one could tell who attacked who or what color of smoke was produced anymore. It wa just a flurry of tackles and explosions.

Soon, all that were left were the pairs from the universes called Forbidden, Mental, and Hetalia. Forbidden's Arthur would not make eye contact with any Alfred, Mental's Arthur was reprimanding his Alfred for something, and Hetalia's Alfred was going on about superheroes or some crap. When they realized they were all that was left, they quickly broke into groups of Alfreds and Arthurs.

"I think this is all bloody ridiculous, and I want to go home," sniffed Hetalia's Arthur. Forbidden's Arthur agreed, but Mental's didn't.

"I'm in a rehab clinic back home! I don't want to go back!"

Meanwhile, the Alfreds were making much less progress. "I-I kissed him, a-and he pushed me away!" sobbed Forbidden's Alfred.

"I was only trying to help him, but now he hates me! He's my best friend! What do I do?" cried Mental's Alfred.

"He doesn't get it! Building a hero to block the sun would end global warning like _that_!" Hetalia's Alfred snapped weakly. "Like _that…_"

They hugged each other and cried. "I'm so glad I finally have someone who understands!" they said to each other simultaneously.

The Arthurs, who were listening in, rolled their eyes. _Idiots, _they all thought. "Come here, git, we're leaving," barked Hetalia's Arthur. All three Alfreds turned their heads. "_My_ Alfred." _His _Alfred broke away and ran over to him. The other two, to the surprise of their partners, did the same.

All three Alfreds tackled Hetalia Arthur. The other Arthurs, angry, ran after him. In one small puff of white smoke, all six were gone.

The Powers That Be decided to never do pairs again.

おわり(OWARI)*

"Wait, was that the ending?" shrieked Ludmila. The writer cowered.

"Y-Yes?"

"That was terrible!" she yelled. The author, in a move of braveness/stupidity, narrowed her eyes.

"Why don't _you _write it then?"

The muse and the writer glared at each other. "Don't call _me _when people complain," muttered the catgirl as she stalked away.

"I won't!" called the writer.

The next day, she presented her muse with catnip and an edited ending. "Yeah, well, don't expect to buy your way out of trouble like this again!" shouted the muse. The writer laughed.

She decided she really liked this new muse.

* * *

*That's actually how I end these things when I write them out on paper. With the Japanese characters and everything.

* * *

**AN: Well then, there's the last of these oneshots! I wanted to get a nice, round 30, but I might if I post something else later…**

**I guess this one was almost like a giant middle finger to the face, now that I think about it. I mean, I added in all of these extra Arthurs and Alfreds that you've never heard of, like the one that cheats on his partner, and the pirate one, and the list goes on…well, sorry about that. Maybe I'll post one of them. If you ask nicely and specify and give me some kind of compensation. 'Cause those things can get **_**long. **_

**Anyway, thanks for reading this (for now) final oneshot! **

**Oh, and PS: I made a tumblr account. I don't know if I'll post stuff about fanfictions on there, but if you want to read my diary from the past few days, here it is: h t t p :/th elydiac atfishca mblr. com / (just remove the spaces)**


	30. Dolphins

**So. Um. I wanted to do NaNo this year…not really happening. There's no way I'll finish in time.**

**So I'll write oneshots instead. The format for the title and all that will be different, though…**

**Title:**Dolphins

**Dedications:**Stormageddon. I think you know what this is.

**Summary:**"Did you know dolphins can commit suicide?"

**Begin.**

* * *

"And so, um, oil! Yes! Oil is bad for dolphins because it, um…it does bad things to their skin! Or whatever it is dolphins have…And then they can't swim, and then they die! Isn't it horrible?" The little girl giving the speech for the activists trembled, and a few people sighed. Just because her brother was Vash Zwingli…

Suddenly, a bell rang, signifying Lilli's turn was over. She walked off the stage and sat down in the front row next to her brother, who whispered, "You did great, Lilli. _I_would donate money to your cause." She smiled shakily.

A tall man swaggered up to the microphone and grabbed it casually. "Hey everyone. I'm Alfred."

"Hello, Alfred…" chorused the crowd.

"I'm here today to talk to you about dolphins, as you all know. Lots of people have given presentations about how oil and pollution and hunting is decreasing our dolphin populations. That's all fine and dandy, but I want to touch upon something a little more…heavy."

He took a deep breath. "Did you know dolphins can commit suicide?"

The crowd was silent, aside from a few coughs and whispers wondering about Alfred's seriousness or sanity.

"It's true! It really is. When a dolphin is depressed, they decide to stop breathing. See, dolphins, unlike humans, do not have automatic breathing mechanisms. They have to concentrate on it, and if they want to, they can just…stop. And that's how they commit suicide."

Someone heaved a heavy sigh from the middle of the crowd. Alfred glanced at who it was, but there were too many people for him to properly see them. "Excuse me, sir?"

The person who had sighed so loudly stood up, and Alfred's breath caught in his throat. _What__is__he__…__oh__god,__what__is__he__going__to__do__to__my__presentation?_

The person's name was Arthur Kirkland. Arthur had actually been dating Alfred until not too long ago, until he found out about Alfred's obsession for suicidal dolphins that he wouldn't explain, and when he tried to help him Alfred got angry and their relationship just sort of stopped working. He decided that it was time to quit their relationship, leaving Alfred to use half his savings in ice cream and bad chick flicks for several days after the fact.

Alfred knew if Arthur was allowed up onto the stage Arthur would debate him into the ground, leaving his ideas to die slowly along with his reputation in the dolphin-saving community.

Arthur's voice echoed across the auditorium. "May I ask why a dolphin would commit suicide?"

Alfred swallowed. "Well, you know…maybe its grandma who always made it dolphin-cookies just died, or maybe it found out that the bully dolphin from middle school had been sleeping with its wife, or maybe it was Japanese and it got a D on a test, or—"

"Alfred, while these are all _human_reasons to try to kill yourself, they are not dolphin reasons." Arthur stared him down. "Have you done any research on why a dolphin might become sad and attempt to end its own life?"

"Um. Well. I—"

"My point exactly!" cried Arthur. He slid past the other people in his row and started to head toward the stage. "Also, how do you suppose you will give aid to these dolphins?"

"Er. That is, I, sort of…um…"

Arthur sighed and reached the stage. "You're asking these people for money with no idea how you'll spend it?" He headed up the steps.

"Well, when you put it that way—"

"Didn't I teach you better than this?"

"Whoa, you're suddenly up here and I don't need to use the microphone anymore."

"Idiot!" Arthur smacked Alfred upside the head, making the crowd gasp. "What have you been doing for the past three months? Sitting on your ass?"

"Um." Alfred blushed. "There was a lot of ice cream and sitting involved, yes…"

"Ice cream?"

"That's what you do when someone you really like breaks up with you for no reason!" he cried, causing Arthur's face to redden.

"You lazy dolt. You could've at least _tried_to win them back, couldn't you?" muttered Arthur. "I mean, if it was for no reason, you might have tried _asking_what the reason was?"

"Fine," Arthur replied. "What was the reason? Why did you break up with me out of the blue, Arthur?"

The crowd gasped again. A Korean activist named Yong Soo was glad he'd started filming from his phone. He could turn this into a soap opera back in the home country! (Well, maybe not. There were only two characters so far, unless someone had already committed suicide. In that case, it was perfect material for a drama!)

"I don't see why that's important right now! We're talking about your stupid suicidal dolphins and—"

"Hey! Suicide is _not_stupid! It is a serious issue and the fact that dolphins practice it shows how intelligent they are!" Alfred protested. He turned to the crowd. "How many of you know someone who has attempted or succeeded in committing suicide? How many of you have tried it yourselves?" He looked over the many raised hands. "That's what I thought."

He turned back to Arthur. "What about you, Arthur? Do you know someone who's tried to or succeeded in suicide?"

Arthur stared at him for a few seconds, then answered, "No."

Alfred narrowed his eyes. "Yes you do."

"What? But—"

"My plan is _not_stupid, and I _will _find a way to help those poor dolphins who don't think life is worth living anymore," hissed Alfred. "Just you wait and see." He turned around and marched off the stage, leaving Arthur alone in front of the crowd.

* * *

"Alfred, why are we doing this? I really don't want to wave around signs for your stupid thing about the dolphins that kill themselves…"

"Mattie!" gasped Alfred. "My own flesh and blood! Saying such things about the poor dolphins! How could you?"

Matthew sighed. "I mean, yeah, it's sad and all, but it's not…it's not a problem you can _fix,_you know? It's just…there. I mean, it's like saying you want to stop all suicides, but you just can't, Alfie. It's not possible. There's just too many people that do it." He gazed into his brother's eyes. "Alfred, I think I know what this is about."

"Oh yeah? What?" Alfred crossed his arms.

"Alfred, I'm sorry that Kiku did what he did, but—"

"What? _No!_This _isn__'__t_about him at _all!_This is about the _dolphins,_Mattie, the _dolphins._Don't you care about them?"

Matthew frowned. "Yes. Fine. Let's just go do this."

Alfred smiled. "Thanks, Mattie. I knew I could count on you."

* * *

"…_meanwhile, __two __activists __are __trying __to __break __into __the __mayor__'__s __office __to__… __well, __we __don__'__t __know __what __it __is __they __want, __exactly. __Let__'__s __go __to __our __field __reporter, __Gilbert __Beilschmidt, __to __see __if __he __can __get __answers __out __of __these __two,__" _said the pretty brunette anchorwoman. _"__Gilbert?__"_

The screen divided to show an albino where the curly-haired anchorman had just been. There was a slight pause, and then he said, _"__Hey __Liz! __I__'__m __here __with __this __kid __named __Mattie. __He __and __his __brother __Al __are __trying __to __talk __to __the __mayor, __but __so __far, __no __luck! __Mattie, __what __is __it __you __want __to __talk __to __Mayor __Wang __about?__" _He pushed his microphone into the face of a flustered blond boy with a picket sign. Matthew cleared his throat.

"_Um. __Well, __my __brother __and __me __just __want __to __tell __the __mayor __about __the __dangers __of, __um__… __dolphin __suicide.__" _He murmured the last two words so quietly that some people didn't hear him.

"_Could __you __repeat __that __last __part __a __little __louder, __Mattie?__" _Gilbert grinned.

"…_We want to tell the mayor about the dangers of dolphin suicide."_

Arthur, who had previously been watching the newscast, turned off his television and left his house.

"That bloody idiot…thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants for his dolphins…I'll knock some sense into him…"

Arthur was on his way.

* * *

When Arthur arrived downtown, Gilbert was still talking with Matthew and getting increasingly handsy in areas the camera couldn't see. Arthur walked up to them, grabbed Matthew by his collar, and dragged him away.

"A-Arthur! Choking!"

"Huh?" Arthur let go of his collar. Matthew panted several times. "Oh, sorry. Where's your brother?"

Matthew frowned. "He texted me a few minutes ago and said he made it to the mayor's office, but that there were guards—"

"He's going to get himself bloody killed!" Arthur shouted. "Which way is it?"

"Um…follow me." Matthew trotted off down a random hallway.

Arthur followed him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Alfred was facing off in front of the guards that were trying to keep him from getting into the mayor's office.

In truth, he was trying not to get tazed.

"Hey! Easy where you stick that thing! These jeans cost me like, forty bucks! I do _not_want burn marks because you think it's fun to play with electricity!" he yelled while dodging crazy tazer jabs. The guards were having a hard time believing he'd avoided them for so long. Well, that was video games for you…

"I mean, I just want to talk to him about dolphins that commit suicide! Is that so wrong?"

One of the guards dropped his tazer. "Dolphins commit suicide?" he blubbered. Alfred's face went blank.

"Um, yeah?"

"That's…That's so sad!" he cried. Tears streamed down his large face.

The other guard put his hand around his shoulders. "There, there, buddy. It'll be okay."

"You know…if I can get in there and give my pitch to the mayor…we can raise funding to keep dolphins from killing themselves…" said Alfred enticingly.

"Go on in!" sobbed the crying guard. Alfred grinned and slipped past them into the mayor's office.

* * *

When Alfred was a boy, he went to camp every year. It would be football camp one year, swimming camp the next, art camp the next…and so on.

When Alfred was nine years old, about to turn ten, he decided he wanted to go to space camp.

His parents, who were getting tired of all of Alfred's expensive desires, were about to say no, when their younger son, Matthew, said, "I want to go to space camp too. I never get to go to camp."

That was when they realized that, while they had been spending all of their money on fun things for Alfred, they had neglected to spend money on Matthew. To this day they're still not sure what he used to do over the summer while Alfred was away.

Anyway, when they heard that tiny, pitiful voice telling them it wanted to go off to space camp, while Alfred proudly pretended to fly a spaceship around the room, they decided to pay for Alfred's last camp, on the condition that he would watch out for his little baby brother while he was there.

At space camp, the boys were luckily put in the same cabin, though there were four other boys living there as well. There was a pair of Italian twins, a scary Russian boy who never took off his scarf, and a little Japanese boy turned out to be older than all of the others in the cabin.

Alfred, being Alfred, immediately took the top bunk next to the window, above where the Japanese boy had already established himself. (Since the twins bunked together, this left a very disappointed Matthew spending many sleepless nights under the heavy Russian boy who he was afraid was going to break his bunk and crush him to death.) Every morning, he would greet the Japanese boy who was always awake before him, and every night he would sleepily tell him not to let the bedbugs bite, and the Japanese boy (whose name was Kiku) would return him a sleepy "Oyasumi."

Alfred thought this was incredibly nice of Kiku and decided to take their friendship to the next level—the "sitting-next-to-the-potential-friend-at-lunch" stage. He got two points for his success because Kiku usually sat with his family.

(Matthew, of course, after being abandoned by his brother, ended up eating with the scary Russian kid who he was afraid was going to eat _him_.)

After this landmark success, he started spending all of his time with Kiku. When he'd wake up, he wouldn't just tell him it was going to be a great morning, he would walk with him all the way to the mess hall, to their activities, to lunch, to more activities, dinner, bed, everything. All the while talking about random stuff he could think up. Kiku usually just smiled politely and nodded along with Alfred.

(Matthew was left to spend his time with the scary Russian kid, who, once he actually tried talking to him, was actually quite a nice guy—once you got past the fact that he liked making stress balls shaped like hearts fall out of his coat at random points during meals, with ketchup all over them and everything.)

By the end of the summer, Alfred didn't think he could ever have a better friend than Kiku. They traded phone numbers and promised to call each other every day.

Alfred's parents were glad that their son had a new best friend, though they doubted it would last.

Oh, how wrong _they _were.

* * *

"Who is it, aru? Is it you, Stephan?" asked someone from within the mayor's office when Alfred slowly pushed open the door. "Is that annoying brat gone yet?"

"Um…no. No I'm not." Alfred stepped into the office and took a good look at the mayor, a man who he wanted lots of money from but didn't know the identity of.

Alfred had some very mixed up priorities.

"…Yao?"

The mayor looked up from his papers. When his gaze fell on Alfred, his face hardened. "What are you doing here?"

"I…I'm here to ask for some, um, dolphin saving—"

"I'm not paying you to sit around and do nothing with dolphins, aru. Now get out."

"But, if you'll just listen to my pitch—"

"I don't care about the dolphins and the city's budget is tight enough as it is. Besides," he said, staring coldly into Alfred's eyes, "why would I ever want to see you again, aru? After what you did?"

"I didn't do anything!" Alfred protested desperately. "I didn't mean…I didn't want anything to happen! It wasn't my fault!"

"I _refuse _to accept such…such…_bullshit _from you." Yao looked down. "If you leave my office now I will not call security, aru."

"Please listen."

"No."

"But—"

"Alfred, you dumbass, what the hell do you think you're _doing?__" _shouted someone from outside the mayor's office. They also grunted and muttered something about hurrying up, after which came a tiny-voiced reply about how they were _trying _but there were two really burly guys on the ground _crying _or something—

"Artie?"

* * *

By high school, Alfred and Kiku were nearly inseparable. Kiku's family was like a second family to Alfred, and Alfred's to Kiku. They shared every secret.

Er, almost every secret.

"Oh my gosh, Kiku, is this your _diary? _I didn't know you had one of these!"

"N-No! Alfred, please put that down! It's personal, I really don't want you looking at it-"

"Oh my gosh it's _illustrated! _It's like a _comic __book!_"

"…But it's written in Japanese!"

"Yeah, but I can still tell what's going on—is that…is that _Ludwig _and _Feliciano? _Kiku, that looks like a photograph—"

"W-Well, that's because it is." Kiku had blushed. Alfred had gaped and held the diary at several angles to try to understand what he was seeing.

"But how do they…how does it all _fit? _That kid is _tiny,_and you can't even see any protrusions, but you _can_ really see he's in pain—"

"Alfred!" Kiku was sweating now. "Please just give it back to me."

"Nah, I wanna see what kind of other weird shit you've glued in here…hey, it's me!"

"Alfred, give me back my journal!" Kiku shouted. "Now!"

"But it's _me__—"_

"Some things are meant to be kept to the self, Alfred, now give it back!"

"Jeez, okay, _fine__—" _Alfred slammed the book shut, "—but you're really good at drawing, Kiku. You should try comics sometime." He grinned.

Kiku, if possible, turned redder. "Well, sometimes, I do little side projects with Elisa…you know, just for fun."

Alfred beamed. "Can I see some of them? I bet they're really good!"

"No, I…I don't think you would be very interested in the comics I draw. It's better if you don't look at them…"

"Why? It's not like they're super gay pornos or something, right?" Alfred laughed and Kiku burned silently on the other side of the room.

* * *

"Damn it, when will you _stop _with this? I see you on the news—well, I don't _see_you, but they say there's this crazy activist storming the mayor's office, and who the _hell _else could it be?—and I rush down here and you left poor Matthew to fend off that lecherous field reporter while you reduce some huge men to tears with your little 'speech', and—Yao?"

"How many people that I don't like am I going to be forced to see today?" Yao buried his face in his hands.

"What, you know Alfred?"

"Yes, he's the reason my brother is—"

"Now, let's all just calm down," Matthew started to say, but he was quickly cut off.

"Wait, which brother? You have, what, seven?"

Yao glared at Arthur. "Four. I have four. Five, if you want to count Lee, you son of a—"

"I'm sure we don't have to call each other names—"

"Artie, come on, I was just going to give my pitch!"

"Well, I guess it would be only four now, even counting Lee, thanks to that little shit who got in here just before you, aru."

"What? What do you mean?"

"You mean you don't know about what he and Kiku—?"

"We don't really need to talk about that, do we? Alfred's been through so much therapy—"

"Hey, so did you know dolphins can—"

"No one's listening to me," Matthew muttered to himself. He pulled out his cell phone. "I think it's time for me to make a call."

* * *

"Hey Kiku, you wanna play some—" Alfred yelled while he let himself into Kiku's house.

"Kiku isn't here right now!" someone shouted from the kitchen. "Didn't he tell you? He has a meeting with Elisa!"

"Huh?" Alfred walked to the kitchen, where he found Kiku's brother Yao cooking something. "He didn't tell me anything about that. I wonder why."

"Ah, he probably just forgot, aru. No need to worry." He waved a hand. "He said he would be back at around 3:30, so you can just go wait in his room if you like."

"Thanks." Alfred made his way up the stairs, passing a blonde kid with big eyebrows fixing his collar on the way down the stairs, then slipped into Kiku's room.

It was clean, as everything was about Kiku. He couldn't stand dust or dirt or disorder. His motto was, "If it looks clean then it _is _clean," or something like that. Alfred sat down on the perfectly folded bed after setting his backpack on the ground and stared at Kiku's hamster which was happily sleeping across the room. What was its name again? Hamtaro or something?

Alfred quickly glanced around the room to see if anything was different from when he'd left late the night before. No, not really…hey, what was that book?

Alfred got up and walked over to Kiku's table. It was his diary! The one he didn't want Alfred to look at! The one with all of Kiku's personal secrets in it!

But…they were best friends, weren't they? They were supposed to tell each other their secrets, weren't they? Alfred knew he'd told Kiku all of his…so it wouldn't matter if he looked because he probably knew everything about Kiku already!

He opened the diary and flipped to a page with the drawing of himself that he'd seen the last time he'd come over, then started reading all of the comics that came afterwards.

Not very many of them had Alfred in them. Some of them were of his family, or Elisa with weird glinting eyes, and there was even one of that kid with the big eyebrows he'd met coming down the stairs! Where was all the awesome?

He slammed the book shut and put it back on the table. If Kiku didn't want to tell his diary about him, he'd just have to snoop through Kiku's other stuff!

Ten minutes later, after ransacking his best friend's room, he found a pile of comics hidden in the corner of the closet.

The first one had a picture of Ludwig and Feli on it—one eerily similar to the one that was still pasted into Kiku's diary. The title said "ラドーフェリドキドキ"*. Alfred tossed it to the side.

The second had his brother and the Russian kid on it. He threw it across the room and had to tell himself it was just a comic a few times.

The third had just a picture of Kiku himself on it. The title was, "愛してる*." Alfred decided to take a look inside.

He opened the cover…

"What did you do to my room?" someone screeched from the doorway. Alfred whirled around. It was Kiku!

"I was just looking for something…" he muttered sheepishly, trying to hide the comic behind his back.

Kiku's eyes fell on him, and then they fell on the badly hidden comic. "Drop that. Drop that now."

"But it looks really cool—"

"It is not. Give it to me. Do not read it."

"But I just wanted—"

"Give it to me!" yelled Kiku. "It is mine and I did not give you permission to read it!"

"But…Kiku…"

"Now."

Alfred got up and walked over to Kiku. He pressed the comic into Kiku's waiting hands. "Sorry. I'll just leave now." He picked up his bag and walked out of the room.

Kiku sighed and sat down on his bed. He opened the comic and began to read.

* * *

Matthew quickly dialed a number he knew by heart. The person on the other end of the line picked up after the first ring. "Hey! It's me. Listen…I need a favor." A pause. "Oh, you saw it on TV, huh…? Yeah, that's what it's about…" A pause. "So I was wondering if you come over and help me out with this…No, not the activist thing, calming down everyone else here and making sure Yao doesn't kill Arthur and Alfred, or something like that…" A pause. "Well, um…now? Would that be possible?" Another pause. "Thanks! I'll see you soon!" He hung up and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

Several seconds later, large, booming footsteps were heard coming down the hall to the mayor's office. Everyone inside stopped yelling and turned toward the door.

A large man walked into the room and put his hands on Matthew's shoulders. "Hello everyone! I hope we are all getting along! Friends need to get along, da?" He smiled happily.

"I-Ivan…? M-Mattie…why did you call this…"

"This what?" asked Matthew.

"This…scary-ass motherfucker you spend all of your time with!"

"Ah. I do not think "motherfucker" would be the right word," announced Ivan. "I believe "brotherfucker" would be more appropriate."

Matthew blushed and Alfred fainted.

* * *

Alfred knew he had to get that comic while Kiku wasn't around. But how? Since that day, Kiku had been spending all of his time with Elisa. There was no way Kiku would let him into his house, and he'd probably told his family all about what had happened, so they wouldn't let him in either…

He spent most of his time thinking about his predicament, including while he was walking home. It left his brain occupied, making it easy to bump into him.

"Oi! Watch where you're going!"

Alfred looked up. It was that guy with the big eyebrows he'd seen at Kiku's house. "Oh. Sorry."

"You should be." The guy sniffed. "Wait, haven't I seen you before?" He looked Alfred over. "At Mei's house?"

"Yeah!" It was at Kiku's house, which meant… "Hey, are you going there any time soon?"

"I was on my way there right now. Why?" The guy with the giant eyebrows looked at him suspiciously.

"I, um, left something there. Do you think you could get it for me?"

"Why can't you get it yourself?"

"Me and Kiku…had a fight." Alfred looked at the ground shamefully. "It's in his room, in the back of the closet, I think."

The guy with the giant eyebrows sighed. "Just tell me what it is."

"It's this book, and it has a picture of Kiku on the cover with some Japanese writing above him. Do you think you can get it?"

The guy with the eyebrows nodded. "Sure. But you'll owe me one, um…"

"Oh! I'm Alfred." He stuck out his hand for the eyebrows guy to shake.

"Arthur." Arthur shook Alfred's hand firmly. "I'll hopefully be able to give it to you tomorrow."

"Thanks!"

* * *

"I-Ivan! You made my brother faint! Why did you have to go and say that?"

"It is true, da? Then why should I not say it?" Ivan looked genuinely confused. Matthew shook his head.

"Never mind. Just…can you pick him up or something? Arthur, can you call an ambulance?"

"Why does he need an ambulance? All he did was faint from shock. He'll probably wake up in a few minutes."

"Then I do not need to pick him up?"

"Pick him up anyway and put him on the couch!"

Meanwhile, Alfred dreamed.

* * *

"Here it is." Alfred looked up from his lunch and saw Arthur standing before him, holding the comic he'd found at Kiku's house. "I got it for you, just like you asked."

"Did you look inside?"

"No. Was I supposed to?"

Alfred shook his head. "No, it's fine. Thanks for getting it for me."

Arthur nodded. "You owe me one now, got that?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Arthur narrowed his eyes, but said nothing and walked away.

Alfred opened the comic book.

It was all written in Japanese, just like the title, but he could tell what the pictures were. Most of them were either Kiku or some random facial feature, but those facial features looked weirdly familiar…

On one of the last pages the picture was of an entire person, smiling happily and making a peace sign. With a jolt, Alfred realized it was him.

The next page was completely black except for some white Japanese writing, but the page after it was of Alfred again, this time hugging Kiku tightly and saying in English, "I love you too."

Alfred felt his heart stop, then start to race.

Kiku…why would he…this was so _wrong,_they were _friends,_and Alfred knew he had _never_felt that way about him, _ever!_So why would he…how could someone write this about their best friend? It was just so…

Alfred didn't know what to do. How could he pretend he didn't know about this? How could he just _fake_not knowing that his best friend in the whole world for so long felt that way about him? It was weird!

"Ano…what is that you have, Alfred?"

Alfred jumped. "K-Kiku! This? Oh, it-it's nothing, you don't need to worry about it—"

Kiku gazed at him sadly. It seemed his eyes were going through Alfred's entire being, raking his soul for information on what he had done. "So you have seen it."

"S-Seen what?"

"Do not play dumb with me, Alfred. I can see it in your hand. May I have it back?"

"…Yes," Alfred muttered, giving Kiku back the comic. Kiku slipped it into his back pocket.

"Thank you."

"I, um…I didn't really _read _it, because I can't read Japanese, but…the last page…"

"Yes. It was in English, because that is what you speak."

"Um, Kiku, I don't really, um, like you in that way. Just so you know." Alfred looked at his sandwich.

"I am now aware of this. Thank you for telling me." Kiku's voice cracked on the last word and Alfred looked over at him.

"K-Kiku? Are you crying?"

"Ano…I-I am not crying! I do not cry!" protested Kiku. "Why would you say that I am if I am not?"

"Kiku, I'm really sorry! Please don't cry!" Alfred tried to wrap his arms around Kiku to hug him and calm him down, but he was pushed away.

"Do not touch me!" Kiku shouted. "I will go now, as I wish to be alone!" He got up and ran out.

"I…"

"What have you _done?__" _screeched someone with a feminine voice. Alfred turned.

"Elisa?"

She opened her backpack and pulled out a large frying pan.

"Whoa, Elisa, what are you going to do with tha—" SMACK!

"That is for breaking my best friend's heart," sniffed Elisa. "How could you do that? Do you know how much Kiku _loves_you? He's just so…" She paused. "I have to go find him and make sure he doesn't do something stupid." She ran off.

Through the pain in his unusually hard head, Alfred registered her words and could only think, _Something __stupid? __Like __what?_

* * *

Alfred dreamed.

He was at a crossroads. There was some kind of weathervane at about his height at the corner, but it was shaped like a dolphin and it was pointing straight ahead, though there was no wind. On the road to the left was a giant, red letter "K". When Alfred looked closer, he could see Kiku sitting on top of it, smiling at him. On the right was a giant, green "A" that Arthur was sitting on top of.

"Pick one."

Alfred glanced back and forth between the two. There was Kiku, smiling as though nothing had happened, as if he…

And then there was Arthur, who was scowling at him, and looking impatient. "Hurry up!" he shouted.

Kiku pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at Alfred. At the same time, Arthur did the same. He managed to catch one in each hand.

Kiku had thrown a branch from a sakura tree, but when Alfred caught it, it withered and died. Kiku laughed.

Arthur had thrown a single blue flower, and when Alfred caught it, it burst into hundreds of colorful flowers of all different types. They gently tickled Alfred's cheeks. Alfred looked up at Arthur, who he could see was smiling.

He glanced back at Kiku, who had sprouted black wings. Kiku smiled at him again, then flew off into the sky. The K crumbled and the entire path disappeared.

Arthur hopped off of the giant A and landed softly. He extended a hand to Alfred. "Are you coming or what?"

Alfred headed off down Arthur's road.

* * *

Elisa found Kiku on the edge of the roof, leaning over the bar. "Kiku! No! Stop! You don't have to do this!" she shouted, running toward him.

"Do what?" Kiku asked tiredly.

"You don't have to end it."

"What, you thought I was going to—oh, no." Kiku turned around. "I wouldn't do that, Elisa." He smiled. "I was just thinking of how to proceed from here, since I just lost my best friend due to a mysterious appearance of that stupid doujin…"

"It's not stupid, Kiku. It was beautiful. Alfred's just too much of an idiot to realize it."

"Even if he does think it is beautiful, that does not mean he agrees with its message," Kiku sighed and looked back out over the railing. "I have lost one of my greatest hopes. What do I do with my life now?"

Elisa stared at him. "You could…you could tell your mother."

Kiku whirled around. "Tell her? But she would…" His eyes grew as he realized what Elisa was trying to say. "Oh, you are very clever, Elisa. Cleverer than you give yourself credit for." Elisa blushed. "Telling Mother…what an interesting idea."

"I mean, you could start over again in Japan. You could join their space program or something, I know you could do it, Kiku." Elisa smiled. "And you know Yao, he'd tell everyone you 'committed suicide' or something. Family suicide, though he'd probably forget to tell people that."

"That would be just like him, wouldn't it?"

"You might as well leave now, if you really want to do it," said Elisa. "I'll miss you, Kiku. You'll have to email me any new doujin you write, okay?"

Kiku smiled softly at her. "Of course. Now, let's go." He walked over to her, and together, they left the roof, and Kiku left his old life behind.

* * *

"…fred! Alfred, wake up!"

Alfred slowly opened his eyes. Matthew, Arthur, and Ivan were all hovering above him. "Wuz goin' on?"

"Alfred! You're awake!" said Matthew. "I was worried about you!"

"Iz the commie's fault…" murmured Alfred.

"I do wish you would not call me that."

"You idiot. You shouldn't go and faint like that," sniffed Arthur. "You hit your head on the floor."

Alfred grinned. "Sorry, Artie…my head does hurt a little bit…you wanna kiss it and make it better?"

"I—what—how can you say that—it's…" Arthur spluttered, going red.

"Just kidding~" Alfred sang. He sat up. "How long was I out?"

"Only about twenty minutes. Yao has a really nice clock in here, don't you?"

"Now that he's awake, could you all leave? I have an important meeting in a few minutes, aru!" shouted Yao from the desk.

"It can't be _that _important." Arthur rolled his eyes. "But we'll leave. Come on, Alfred." He helped Alfred up off the couch. "We should get you some better rest after fainting like that."

"Can I sleep in your bed?" Alfred asked teasingly. Arthur just glared and turned around.

"N-No."

"Aw, but it's so comfortable…" Ivan and Matthew started walking out of Yao's office and down the hallway. Alfred and Arthur followed close behind.

"Also, how will he rest properly with all of the noise Matthew will soon be making?"

"Ivan! Not in front of my brother!"

"But is true, no? So why should I not say it?"

"Artie, I think I'm gonna have to sleep over at your place…I can't stand this talk anymore…" Alfred whispered to Arthur.

"Well, it _is _the reason you fainted in the first place…I suppose it would be alright."

"Thanks, man. Hey, um, you never actually told me why—ah!" Alfred had bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry, man, I wasn't looking where I was going, and…"

"Oh, no, I apologize. My mind was elsewhere as well." The man, who was a little shorter than Alfred and seemed to be Asian, bowed. "I am sorry for the trouble, Alfred-san." He walked away towards Yao's office.

Alfred started off after his brother and Ivan again, but then stopped. "How did he know my name?" he asked Arthur.

"Dunno. Come on, let's just get you to my place."

"Okay." Alfred grinned.

* * *

"Yao-san? May I come in?"

"Kiku!" Yao smiled. "Of course, aru."

"Ano, there are some muscular men crying on the floor outside your office…"

"Don't mind them."

"Also, I saw Alfred-san with Arthur-san…when I was coming here."

Yao grimaced. "Yes, Alfred apparently wants to save the dolphins…from committing suicide, apparently."

Kiku chuckled. "I am glad to see that he is happy, though. Perhaps I shall pay him a visit some time, now that I am back in America for the time being."

"Actually, aru…" Yao's face took on a very awkward expression. "Due to some, ah…miscommunication…everyone here thinks you're dead, including Alfred."

Kiku blinked. "I had assumed that would happen."

"_What? _But—"

"It is fine. Thank you for being such a good brother, Yao-san." Kiku smiled.

"…I think he's moved on now. It seems he and Arthur…"

"Yes, I had noticed that, and I am happy for him."

"That's good. So, tell me about what you've been doing with yourself lately…"

"Oh, yes, it's all quite interesting…"

* * *

And though their story may have been sad, let it be said that they all got their happy ending.

* * *

Translations:

Doujin 1: "Luddy Feli Doki Doki"

Doujin 2: I love you

* * *

**AN: …**

**I meant to end that about, what, six thousand words ago? **

**It's earlier than I expected. Man, it took me about a week to write this…I thought I'd start around Thanksgiving, but I guess that didn't happen…**

**But it was fun! Thanks for the idea, Stormageddon.**

**(Speaking of stress balls shaped like anatomically correct hearts, I _have _one of those. It's freaking awesome. I got it at my AP Bio lab.)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**EDIT: Anyone else been having trouble with fanfiction not putting spaces between italicized words? I just had to go through this and put them all back in...FIX IT, FANFICTION.**


	31. Note

Hey guys! It's me! Remember me? I posted back in November or something?

Just posting this little note since it's been a year since I started this little collection of oneshots, and I've already got thirty. Which is a lot for me. Also, I wanted to tell you about something.

I've told you about my other account, no? Well, I've finally gotten around to posting something new on it: it's a USUK thing, so you'll all probably like it. It's a multichap called _Cheaters Never Win_ and…well, here's a link: .net/s/7788080/1/Cheaters_Never_Win (just put fanfiction in front of the .net)

I hope you all read it and enjoy it. Sorry this wasn't the oneshot you were looking for. Ah well.

Thanks for keeping with me for a year!

(As a fun bonus, here is something written by the internet. :) Some random oneshot generator. I don't remember where it is. Sorry.)

**Arthur and Alfred**  
by William Shakespeare

_Enter Arthur_

_Alfred appears above at a window_

**Arthur:**  
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
It is the book, and Alfred is the dog.  
Arise, wet dog, and lick the long noise.  
See, how he leans his finger upon his butt!  
O, that I were a glove upon that butt,  
That I might touch that finger!

**Alfred:**  
O Arthur, Arthur! wherefore art thou Arthur?  
What's in a name? That which we call a leg  
By any other name would smell as dirty  
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a song that, once stuck in your head, would never leave it"  
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,  
Thou mayst prove hard.

**Arthur:**  
Swain, by yonder long noise I swear  
That tips under a rug the loud fan-

**Alfred:**  
O, swear not by the noise, the strange noise,  
That softly changes in its sad orb,  
Lest that thy love prove likewise sad.  
Sweet, turquoise night! A thousand times turquoise night!  
Parting is such black sorrow,  
That I shall say turquoise night till it be morrow.

_Exit above_

**Arthur:**  
Sleep dwell upon thy finger, peace in thy butt!  
Would I were sleep and peace, so mournfully to rest!  
roughly will I to my wet leg's cell,  
Its help to lick, and my dirty leg to tell.


	32. Addiction

**Guys do you know how goddamn hard it is to speak Japanese? And I take Japanese! It's just like, Wow, there's a Japanese person in my house living with me, OH MY GOD I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO SAY ANYTHING. **

**That's a summary of last week for you.**

**Title: **Addiction

**Dedications: **All of you fanfiction writers out there. No, seriously. That's what this is about. Especially those of you who write Sherlock fanfictioooooon..

**Summary: **(Not a corny "I'm-addicted-to-you" fic.) "Artie, you see, the thing is…I think I have an addiction. It's bad. …I'm addicted to fanfiction. I don't know anything worse. Okay, maybe heroin and meth. But that's it."

**Begin~**

It was 11:30 at night when Arthur decided it was finally time to go to bed. Of course, he couldn't go to bed without doing a last-minute check of his email, twitter, Facebook…

And there, at the top of the page, was a little post from Alfred.

**Alfred Jones **gaaaaaaaaaiz! omg i need to stop goin to teh internets! thur is some weird shite there!

Oh, god. As if the slander of the beautiful language that Arthur cherished wasn't enough…wait, there was more.

**Alfred Jones **lolz, you probs want an explanationitory. kk. um, just explorin and tryin to not be so upset over Sherlock…

** Arthur Kirland **As in my show on the BBC?

** Alfred Jones **yeah and so i was reading fanfiction to help myself out and stuff

** Arthur Kirkland **You read fanfiction?

** Alfred Jones **yeahyeahyeah and the weeeeeirdest thing came up! it was all, Sherlock's Penis is Functional!

** Francis Bonnefois **Mm, yes it is. Yes it is.

By the time Arthur refreshed the page, the comment had been taken down.

** Alfred Jones **i srsly need to stop going to teh internet

** Alfred Jones **and i rly need to stop looking at fanfiction

** Alfred Jones **do u no what Johnlock is? bcuz i didnt

** Alfred Jones **so i checked it out and I was like :I all apathetic u no

** Alfred Jones **and then i was all O.O

** Alfred Jones **and then i was all O3O

** Alfred Jones **fanfiction is like the worst addiction ever

** Alfred Jones **besides maybe heroin

** Alfred Jones **and meth

** Alfred Jones **but thats it

Arthur was still trying to process that Alfred even knew what Sherlock was to deal with the fact that he read fanfiction for it. Johnlock fanfiction. Eventually, though, his brain managed to catch up.

** Arthur Kirkland **…please tell me you're not fapping to it.

** Alfred Jones **why, u wanna c? ;)

** Arthur Kirkland **Well, it's just Benedict and Martin are friends of mine and frankly it's weird to imagine them having sex or anything of the sort.

** Alfred Jones **OMG OMG OMG U HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME BRO

** Alfred Jones **I mean, sherlock's so cute like a doll and shit but then john's got that rugged army sexiness that I'm just like, raawr, come on over here, mm-hmm

Arthur desperately tied to get the image of Alfred trying to seduce Martin Freeman out of his head. It wasn't working.

** Arthur Kirkland **No.

** Alfred Jones **plz?

** Arthur Kirland **No.

** Alfred Jones **wut, u jealous, bro?

Arthur rolled his eyes. He was far too tired to go into a tsundere tirade, so he just said,

** Arthur Kirkland **No.

Meanwhile, halfway across the world, Alfred was pouting. He wanted to meet goddamn Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman! They did look good together, didn't they? He was glad he had followed Slinkers' advice after reading that strange series of comics about the show.

It was better than _Twilight. _

** Alfred Jones **meanie.

** Arthur Kirkland **Go to bed.

** Alfred Jones **its not bedtime, dude. its like 6.

** Arthur Kirkland **At least stop reading the fanfiction. You'll spoil the series for yourself.

** Alfred Jones **too late.

Arthur sighed.

** Arthur Kirkland **Well, I'm going to bed.

** Alfred Jones **no wait wait wait matte matte matte! does Sherlock really die?

Arthur was tired. He didn't want to come up with a decent answer.

** Arthur Kirkland **I don't know. Now goodnight.

** Alfred Jones **gimme a kiss. :3

** Arthur Kirkland **No.

** Alfred Jones **but i wuuuuuv u!

** Francis Bonnefois **Just noticed you deleted my earlier comment…also, if you two do end up kissing, may I watch?

** Elisabeta Hedervary **May I film it, and anything that happens afterwards of a sexual nature?

** Alfred Jones **uuuuuuhh…

** Elisabeta Hedervary **It could be just like a scene in a Sherlock fanfiction I wrote, Alfred! When I heard about all the gay jokes and UST in it I couldn't resist watching it and writing a little story for myself. You could be Watson, if you want. He usually tops.

** Alfred Jones **suddenly feeling much more interested…

** Arthur Kirkland **Good NIGHT.

He closed his page, then his laptop, then went to bed.

That night he dreamed of poor nice Benedict Cumberbatch dancing with Martin Freeman and Alfred naked. It wasn't very fun.

But at least Alfred was naked.

* * *

**AN: Do you see what happens when I'm getting barbecue chips and orange juice at 11:30 at night? DO YOU?**

**Bee tee dubs, this is a true story, bro. This is what I do. I finish the first season of Sherlock, I read fanfiction for it. The Harry Potter movie franchise finally ends, I spend all night reading ASxS (which when you take away the x just spells ASS) or Albus SeverusxScorpius (shut up shut up shut up) fanfiction. I get back into Psych, I start reading fanfiction for it.**

**I hate myself for this.**

**But at least there's ElisabetaxYaoi again! Yaaaay!**

**BUT IT WON'T LET ME INDENT THE COMMENTS. DAMN DAMN CHICKEN AND HAM. **

**Also: Benedict Cumberbatch. I cannot even think of the name without giggling. Teehee.**

**And I made Alfred a **_Twilight _**fan for really no reason other than to screw with all of you. I hate it too, guys. That's why there's that story of mine you probably haven't read about it. …Don't read it.**

**Thanks for reading~ Ja ne!**


	33. Just to See You

**I felt obligated to do this. As of this second I have no idea what it's going to be about, and as such there will be no title or warnings or anything.**

* * *

It was depressing, really, how much _shit _England had to go through just to visit America.

Certainly, it wasn't as bad as it was in the old days, with the three-month ship voyages that might be attacked by the Spanish, forcing him to _swim _half the way there (he had luckily just come out of his pirate phase and was a very strong swimmer indeed), but it was so much of a hassle, especially when he wanted to come home and those TSA or whatever they were called agents got frisky with him!

America had told him he could always put a word in to the FBI or the CIA or Homeland Security or whoever controlled them, but England said no. He didn't want any favors.

Even if those favors kept him from being felt up by bored-looking middle-aged men who hated their job just as much as he did.

But it was all worth it in the end, wasn't it? He got to see America, didn't he? God, that look on the boy's face when he surprised him with a visit made it all _so _worthwhile. He'd go through a hundred TSA agents just to watch America's face go from bored to shocked to surprised to open-mouthed smiling glee.

The tackle hug that came next was nice too, even if he did complain about how it hurt his back whenever he received one.

And then there was that laugh that America did, which England never failed to _say _was so annoying, obnoxious, moronic, etc., which would just make America laugh even more, and then England would shove him off of him (because he was still on the ground from the tackle hug he'd just received) with a blush and a mutter of something along the lines of, "Shut up," and then America would get that offended look on his face and England would smooth things all over and then it would be all right.

Because it was obvious that America did the laugh to hide the pain of being called obnoxious or being complained to or, or the _economy _or something, but England never brought it up because he didn't want to upset the boy even more.

After that they would both stand up properly and hug like civilized men, except America's hands would usually stray to places they should really stay away from (while in public, at least—in the privacy of their own homes was another story), and England would grumble a bit and America would just say, "I've really missed you," and the way he said it made England _certain _that he really had.

And so at this point he'd stop with all of the defensive remarks and say something like, "Not as much as I've missed you," and America would smile so widely and hug him even tighter.

"That's totally not true! No way you missed me nearly as much as I missed you!"

"Of course, of course. Your love is the ocean to my single drop of water, I get it."

America would register vague recognition. "That sounds familiar. What's it from?"

And England would snort, "It's one of your own authors, stupid. William Goldman? _The Princess Bride? _I believe that was from the scene where Buttercup was originally confessing her love to Westley after she noticed the Duchess—"

But America would have interrupted him by now with a joyful, "Are you saying you love me like Buttercup loved Westley?"

"Of course not."

And America's face would fall. "Oh."

"Mine would be much more along the lines of Westley's love for Buttercup, which was past infinity and straight out the other side." England would give America a smug grin while he tried to figure out what this meant.

"Are you saying that you love me more than I love you?"

"I don't know. Why don't you read the book and find out?"

"Read? _While I'm still alive?" _

And England would say, "Now, that also sounds familiar."

"Ah, it was a kid's movie. A good one. It had dragons." And England would nod, because if it had dragons he probably would have seen it a million times (which he had, Flying Mint Bunny always picked it when it was her turn for movie night) and would therefore get the quote. Which he did.

And then they'd break off into normal, spontaneous conversation about the weather, new musicians (America was starting to listen to some kid from Essex named Alex Day, who England already knew everything about, even had a signed copy of his Lady Godiva single, but he wouldn't tell America that because America would most likely steal it), and eventually the trip over.

"It wasn't too bad this time, was it? Not too much turbulence?"

England would sigh. "No, that's not what bothers me. I can deal with turbulence. I was a _pirate, _you know." And that's just another similarity to Westley, who took over for the Dread Pirate Roberts, who was not actually the Dread Pirate Roberts but someone who took over for the man who took over for the _original _Dread Pirate Roberts, but we digress. "It wasn't the turbulence," he'd repeat. "It's mostly just having to wait so long to see you."

"Well, I know how that feels. I mean, I've got an almost unlimited supply of fun things to do, plus work, but it's always so boring when I don't have an England around to play with."

England would blush. "I-I mean," he would stammer to try to get his mind away from the topic of America _playing with him, _"there's so much land in the way. Why must there be so much…_geography?"_

America would laugh. "Oh, Iggy. Geography's just physics with trees stuck on." And he'd lean in close to England so he could feel America's hot breath on his face. Surprisingly, it didn't stink as badly as people assumed, what with all the hamburgers he ingested.

"You've been keeping up on your Pratchett, I see," England would reply breathily.

America would just grin again and close the gap between them, signifying neither a yes nor a no.

Really, going through all that _shit _just to see America was worth it when they got to share a moment like this one.

* * *

**AN: Oh dear god what did I just write.**

**Well, it did only take like, ten to twenty minutes, I just sat here and wrote it. It's not that bad for the crap my brain is spewing out and saying "It's midnight and you need to sleep so you can scoop cat litter and play the oboe and go to the mall!"**

**Anyway, sorry about the last one. It was…not that great and I know it. I was tired, and deprived of the second season of Sherlock at the time. I apologize.**

**Who caught my three big references? I told you what one was, and gave some big hints to the others. The third didn't have an actual title that I can remember, but if you can remind me _which book _that last quote was from I will give you about over 9000 catfish points.**

**Which have about as much worth as a peso, but still.**

**I hope you enjoyed! See you all later~**


	34. Never Too Long

**Um, so I just saw the new movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and uh, yeah, go watch it now. Seriously. **

**This was inspired by one of the scenes in it, so mild spoilers. **

**Title: **Never Too Long

**Warnings: **Like I said, mild spoilers for the movie, plus US and UK are humans and are both old. Old old.

Plus ELISABETAXYAOI. YOU GUYS LOVE THAT SO MUCH, APPARENTLY. IT'S HERE. SORT OF.

**Begin~**

It was sunset.

Arthur Kirkland was packing up his office. He was sixty-eight when he finally retired from his nearly lifelong career of being a judge. Not an important one, mind you, he never went past local court, but he'd worked as hard as he could and tried to always be fair (except for when he was in a bad mood, because then _no one was safe)_.

Everyone was sad to see him go, but none were sadder than his young assistant, an American girl named Emily who kept looking up at him with great big doe eyes while he packed up his office and finally got the guts to say, just as he was about to leave for the last time, "Mr. Kirkland, would you like to come to America with me?"

He very nearly dropped his box. "What's this all of a sudden?" he asked.

"I want you to come to America with me, Mr. Kirkland," she said slowly. She was nervously grabbing at the ends of her dress.

"Whatever for?" he asked.

"You seem a bit down, sir, about your retirement, and I thought a free trip might cheer you up?" she said, though she phrased it like a question.

Arthur snorted. "Why would you think that?"

"Um, you mentioned once that you'd been there before, and I just thought you might want to return, sir."

Arthur didn't respond this time. Finally, he asked very quietly, "When did I mention this?"

"Back when I was still an intern, sir, at an office party."

He stared at her for a minute. "Free, you say?"

She grinned. "Yes, I'm sure my family would cover the whole thing, they'd really love to have you—"

"Fine. I'll go. But only if you carry these things out to my car for me." He handed her one of the many boxes of his things he'd kept in the office over the years.

"Of course, sir!" She took three (that girl was definitely stronger than she looked) and ran down the hall, her heels clicking on the marble.

Arthur leaned against the door. It had been quite a long time since he had been in America. Almost fifty years, eh? He knew he'd probably not make it back alive, what with that heart condition of his…

He had to go, though. He had some old debts to repay.

* * *

"So this is my mom and dad, say hi to them, my mom you can call Elizabeth, Dad's Gilbert but he prefers Gil, and these are all my siblings. Let's see, we've got Anthony, Francis, John, Catherine, Natalie, Edward who you should call Eddie, Bella and her twin brother Tim, and this little baby here is called Matthew." Emily took a baby from her mother's arms and rocked it back and forth, then handed him to Arthur, who was standing in front of the many children trying to take them all in. "Say hi, everyone."

The force of their loud "hello" nearly knocked Arthur over.

"I heard that families in this part of the country could get large, but I had no idea. How many children are there?" Arthur asked faintly. Emily had taken him directly to her home in South Carolina and introduced him to all of her immediate family that were present at the time.

"There's ten! Well, unless you count the step-brothers and sisters from Mom's first marriage, then there's fourteen, but they live with their dad and think they're too…what's the word? Posh. They act all posh and they don't like us and we don't like them."

Arthur nodded. He'd dealt with similar circumstances, only it was _he _who was considered 'too posh' by the rest of the family.

He realized he was about to drop poor baby Matthew on his head and quickly handed him back to Emily, who cooed at him and waved a finger in his face. Elizabeth, who was sitting toward the back, asked, "So what brings you here to the United States, Mr. Kirkland?"

"Please, call me Arthur. Um, your daughter invited me, actually. And I had some unfinished business to take care of."

"Unfinished business? What, you gotta kill someone who knows too much about you?" asked Gilbert with a cackle. Elizabeth smacked him with a frying pan.

"I'm sure it's nothing like that. But what is it, Arthur? You can tell us," she said kindly, turning away from her husband.

Arthur coughed. "There is someone I need to find. You don't suppose you could help with that…?"

Elizabeth beamed. "Of course. Come with me." She pushed her way to the front of all the children, who were currently being entertained by Emily's stories of her time in London. The girl was still holding Matthew and he bounced excitedly in her arms while Elizabeth led Arthur away to a more secluded part of the house.

"So, who is this mysterious person you're trying to find?" Elizabeth asked once they were away from all the hubbub. She led him to a study area with a computer and several filing cabinets.

Arthur sat down at the desk chair. "That requires a bit of a story. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

She leaned against the wall. "I'd be glad to." She grinned as a way to tell him to start.

"Let's see." Arthur cleared his throat. "About forty or fifty years ago, when I was seventeen years old, I moved from the UK to America. I had lived here as a child, though I hardly remembered it. Anyway, I was in a suburb by that city Richmond, and I made a friend in the private school my parents sent me to when the year started. It was also in Virginia, I believe. Anyway, my friend's name was Alfred. We were the very best of friends, you know. We did so much together. Anyway, one day we stopped being friends, and it became something, er, more." He looked back at Elizabeth. "I'm sorry if this offends you—"

"_Offends me? _Quite the opposite. Please, go on." Elizabeth's eyes were shining with glee.

"All right. Anyway, we spent a lovely two years together at school. I was in my, what do you call it? Junior year? That's when I started at that school, so we spent those two years together.

"But we both graduated, you see, and we were going to be separated. There was…quite a bit of crying on his part. Very emotional back then, he was. We decided to spend one last night together before we left. There was a, er, lake on campus." Elizabeth noticed Arthur's eyes getting misted over. "We sat there together, just looking at the sunset, and I realized I'd never be as happy as I was at that one moment with him."

Arthur was silent for a moment. "What happened next?" Elizabeth asked excitedly.

"We were caught," Arthur said shortly. "The next morning. Some boys from our year found us. We'd kept it a secret, you know, but that didn't really work out. People there weren't too big on homosexuality then—still aren't, you know, but I suppose it's a bit better—and they went after us. We ran like hell, but eventually they found us. He took the brunt of the attack, giving all this crap about being a hero. We went home that day, too. I spent the summer with my aunt in London, then stayed there for university."

"And?"

"I heard from my brother that his whole family had decided to shun him for it, and that he was having difficulty finding a college to accept him because of the connections people at the school had with the universities. I ruined his life," Arthur finished flatly.

They sat in silence for a moment. "Then why do you want to see him?" Elizabeth finally asked.

Arthur rested his head in his hands. "I don't know. Just to see him. To apologize? To see if he hates me? Just for closure, really."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll help you as best as I can. What's his name?"

Arthur fished around in his jacket pocket. "His name is Jones. Alfred Jones. I have a picture here somewhere." He found his wallet, and pulled out a faded, tattered photograph of two young men, one with his arm around the other. They were both smiling. "The taller one, that's him."

Elizabeth looked at the picture for a moment. "I know him."

Arthur nearly fell out of his chair. "Know him?"

"Yes. He's my ex-husband's stepfather. Never had any children of his own, that I remember, but I definitely remember him. At our wedding he smashed some cake into Roderich's—my ex's—face. He wasn't like the rest of the family. Much more outgoing, less fancy, and all that."

"That sounds like him." Arthur was trying to recover from the shock that his search was going to be so short. "Where…where is he?"

"He lives by the coast, I believe, with my former mother-in-law. I can take you to see him tomorrow." Elizabeth smiled gently at Arthur. "I'd be glad to help you complete your journey."

"Thank you, Elizabeth." He stood up. "Well, mustn't keep your humongous family waiting, shall we? It seems to be almost dinner."

She grinned. "I've got a great one planned! Chicken nuggets and biscuits and mashed potatoes and barbecue sauce—you'll love it."

"I'm sure."

* * *

The next morning, before any of the children had woken up, Elizabeth and Arthur snuck away to find Alfred in the little town he lived in by the coast. They'd left a note for Gilbert explaining where they'd be and set off.

It took about two hours to reach the place, but they finally did. Arthur's heart pounded in excitement, and he tried to calm it as Elizabeth started pulling onto side streets as she tried to remember where her ex-in laws lived. Finally, she slowed to a stop in front of a cream-colored house. A few houses away on the other side of the street, there were some old men playing cards on a patio, but Arthur had no interest in them. He walked up to the front door and rang the bell while Elizabeth waited by the car.

After what seemed like ages, the door opened. It was not Alfred—it was an older woman. "Ah, hello, my name is Arthur Kirkland. I was wondering if I could find Alfred here? I'm—"

"I know who you are," she said.

"You do? Excellent. Listen, if he comes by, could you ask him to call—" But she ignored him. She strode past him onto the lawn and shouted at the table with the old men playing cards.

"Alfred! There's someone here to see you!"

Arthur whirled around just as the man closest to the street stood up. His eyes locked with Arthur's.

Arthur walked forward slowly toward him, then broke into a run. Alfred pulled him into a hug when he was close enough to touch him. "Arthur," he whispered.

"Alfred."

They stayed in their embrace for what seemed like ages. Finally, someone cleared their throat, and they pulled away from each other, both slightly embarrassed. "Ah. Um. Why don't you come inside?" Alfred asked nervously.

Arthur nodded.

* * *

**AN: So yeah, go watch that movie now. If you need reminded what it was, scroll up. It's there. I didn't put in the angsty end because I didn't want a bunch of sad reviews (reviews I'm fine with, seriously, but you guys are always so sad at the littlest things).**

**It's a good movie. It was super awkward when Graham (Arthur) was like, "Uh, I'm gay" to (I can't remember her name, it's Jean or something) Harriet Jones (same actress) but then he found Manoj and it was cool.**

**Wow. Two updates in two days? (is what it would have been but I wrote it like two weeks ago so I'm lying now) Damn. I should watch more movies. Or something. Whatever floats your boats.**

**Maybe at 250 reviews I'll write a special. Something to do with Tony and FMB. Though I have no idea what.**

**AlsoifanyonedrawsmefanartI'. Preferably something cute. And good. If it's crap I probably won't. I'm going to be demanding and ask that it's from one of the fluffy things, like the unicorn one (which this one was kind of a sequel to, did you notice?) or the costermonger one. But it has to be good. That means real body dimensions, people. Don't give them heads that are like, a third of their body unless they're chibis, and they can't be too skinny.**

**I am so picky. I apologize.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! :D**


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